


Kitty

by StormyBear30



Series: Glitter Kitty [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician), Real Person Fiction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-15 17:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 88,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris Allen has always been petrified to come out to any of the people in his life but then he meets Adam Lambert.  Kris falls hard and fast for the openly gay man and finds that as much as he cares for Adam he’s not sure if he really can ever come out of the closet for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time I met Adam Lambert it was actually due to some extreme persuasion on the part of my friend. They had somehow convinced me to go to a gay bar in order to pick up a man and as uncomfortable as I was about it, I found myself there anyway. I was twenty five years old and I was still a virgin in the ways of being with a man. I had known I was gay at a very young age but hadn't been able to admit it to myself or to my family and friends. It wasn't that I was ashamed but more afraid of what those people would think of me and what the consequences might be once they did find out. I can admit now that it was a pretty lonely existence having to pretend that I was something I wasn't, but the fear out weighed the loneliness and so I kept my secret to myself for a very long time.

After college I moved to California to make my mark in the music industry, but after a year and a half of struggling to make the rent and never having much left for food, much less anything else, I finally gave up that dream and found a job working in an corporate office. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life by any means, but I was good at what I did and quickly worked my way up the ladder becoming an executive quicker than most my age. I was considered a mover and a shaker and I made more money for my company then any other person working there and I was paid generously for it. I paid a ridicules amount of money to live in a penthouse suite in a fancy apartment complex, although I knew it was much too large for just me. I drove a fancy sports car that was really just a show piece to show others how rich I was and how much power I had. The truth was that I really hated driving it as well as living in my huge and empty penthouse because the truth was that none of it was really me. I always felt as if I was trying to prove something to someone and yet I wasn’t sure what it was that I was trying to prove or why it even mattered. 

I had two friends who I trusted with my life, sharing just about everything with them about my life, except my sexual status. I thought I was doing a great job keeping them in the dark, but one night while drinking at my favorite bar I let my eyes linger just a bit longer then necessary on a very good looking mans behind the bar and before I knew it my carefully well guarded secret was not a secret any longer. "I told you" Matt Guiard drunk giggled as he patted my other friend Cale Mills on the back, giggling even louder when Cale spilled the beer in his hand down the front of his shirt. 

"Get off me you ass" Cale yelled drunkenly, pushing Matt away, causing him to spill his own drink that time. I couldn't help but laugh because it was always funny to watch the two of them together but when they were drunk it was even better. "Told me what?" He asked with a confused look on his face, causing me to laugh even harder.

"That Kris is gay" He blurted it out like he was giving the time and not exposing the one thing that I felt could cause my world to end if the truth ever got out. 

"Oh that..." Cale shrugged like Matt's statement was nothing. 

"What? I'm not gay...I'm not gay" I burst out nearly falling off my bar stool trying to get them to believe me. I could tell they didn't believe me though, that they actually felt sorry for me as I continued to flail before them. "How long have you known?" I finally gave up the pretense, slinking against the bar in defeat because they were my two best friends and they were either going to accept my truth and continue to be my friends or prove my worst fears and leave me. 

"Pegged you the first day I met you" Matt responded with a shrug. "I have great gaydar"

"I figured it out when Matt told me" Cale replied nonchalantly before taking another sip from his beer. "It’s not like it matters. Neither one of us gives a shit. We were just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to come out to us"

"Well fuck me" I sighed to myself, shocked and a little pissed that I had kept my secret for so long.

"If we weren't such good friends gladly" Matt winked at me, causing me to choke on my own beer.

"What?" I cried out. "You're gay?"

"Let's just say that I've visited both sides of the bed" Matt winked at me again.

"Both sides of the bed?" I repeated, confused.

"He's bi" Cale explained. 

"You've slept with men and woman before?" I asked needing further explanation. 

"That's usually what bi means Kristopher" Matt teased, getting serious when I could only gap at him, my lip trembling and yet I didn't know why. "I've been with a few men and as different as it is being with a woman I really enjoy it"

"Have you ever been in a relationship with one?" I asked, hoping to get some of my questions answered because I had never felt comfortable enough to talk to anyone about being gay. 

"No, but I wouldn't be opposed to it" Matt said truthfully as he looked over at Cale in a way that looked almost sad before he turned his attention back towards me. "I haven't been in a relationship with a woman either, so I don’t know what that says about me anyway”

"It says that you're too much of a player" Cale smacked him on the back playfully. 

"Eventually I'll find that one person, man or woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Till then I'm not in any rush and will continue to have fun" He shrugged, signaling the bartender to bring us another round of drinks. "So why didn't you just tell us? Matt asked straight forward, both of them staring at me as they waited for me to answer. 

"I had all sorts of reasons, but now none of them seem to make any sense to me” I replied with a shrug and a sigh, feeling like I had wasted such a huge part of my life because of my stupid fear. 

"I don't know why you'd think we’d care, but I get the fear aspect of it" Matt said and for once he actually looked serious. "I've been there. The only reason my parents know I'm bi is that they came over to my place out of the blue one night and found me going down on a dude"

"Good god man do you have to be so graphic, we have a virgin here" Cale burst out with a laugh, causing me to blush and want to punch him at the same time. 

"I've got the best idea ever" Matt piped up before I had a chance to respond, not that I knew how to respond anyway. "Road trip"

"Road trip...what?" I cried out in full panic because I didn't like where the conversation was heading or the look in Matt’s eyes.

"I'm game" Cale chimed in even though he had no idea what Matt's road trip consisted of either. 

"Whatever it is...no" I glared at him, crossing my arms across my chest as if to dare him to disobey me. 

"Gay club" They both cried out, completely ignoring me. 

"No way" I nearly screamed, tugging at my tie at the way people were looking at us. "I said no way" I spoke a bit softer, but with determination in my voice. "I hate you both" I murmured less then an hour later as we stood in the entrance of a nearby gay club. 

"You won't hate us after you lose your gay virginity" Matt grinned at me, taking me by the hand and leading me towards the bar once we were inside. "He'll have something colorful and fruity and we'll have two beers" He smiled at the waiter, laughing out loud when I shot him a dirty look. "What...you need to look the part" He laughed even louder at the "Fuck you" He got from me before I stormed off towards the other end of the bar. 

I glared at the bartender when he placed the drink Matt had ordered in front of me, my eyes drawn to it anyway at just how colorful it was. "It’s called the suck, bend and blow" The man winked at me as he watched me continue to stare at it. "You're friend told me about your problem and after a couple of these you won't have a problem anymore" He winked again, pissing me off in more ways then one.

"I don't have a fucking problem now" I growled back, shooting the bartender an evil look before I stormed off towards the exit. 

"Oh I don't think so pretty Kitty" I heard someone whisper loudly against my ear, a strong arm wrapping around my waist as it guided me towards the dance floor.


	2. Chapter 2

"Do I look like a tackle dummy?" I roared, annoyed beyond belief at the grinning man whose arm was still around my waist as well as my friends who I could see out of the corner of my eye cackling behind him. I wanted to kill them both because I had a feeling that most of the people in that club knew all about the twenty-something year old virgin. 

"Oh Kitty if I had tackled you trust me you would know it" He flashed perfectly white teeth at me, his eyes flashing as well but I couldn't tell if it was from his playfulness or the flashing of the lights surrounding us. "Dance?" He asked still grinning, those flashing eyes boring into my own. I debated saying no, but I could tell that he wasn't going to take no for an answer and so I resided myself to my fate. I didn't say anything as I allowed him to sway me further onto the dance floor, his body pressed so close against me that I could feel him everywhere. "Just relax and let me lead you" I heard him speak against my ear as I closed my eyes and allowed him to do just that. 

With my eyes still closed I enjoyed the feel of his body next to mine. He was warmth and muscles and everything about it felt right. I didn't even know his name, but I didn't care as I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled into him even further. I felt my eyes roll backwards as he kissed my sweaty neck, grazing his way up to my earlobe before he nipped at it. I had never felt anything like it in my life and I never wanted it to end as those same lips nibbled and kissed their way across my jaw until they found my lips. It was my very first man kiss ever and even though I was sure it wasn't perfect, he didn't seem to care as he wrapped his arms even tighter around me and explored my mouth with his tongue eagerly. "Do you want to get out of here?" He growled against my lips, swabbing it with his tongue and causing me to almost swoon like a fairytale princess. 

"Yes...yes" I stammered, excited and frightened beyond belief that I was finally going to be losing my virginity. I didn't fight him, nor did I even spare my friends a glance as he took my hand and led me out of the club. "Where's your car?" He asked once we reached the outside, tugging me towards the parking area located behind the bar. I didn’t know if I was in any condition to drive and the fact that he pinned me against some random car and kissed me breathless wasn’t making it any better. 

“I don’t know if I can drive” I panted against his lips when I had no choice but to push him away or die from lack of oxygen. I felt as if I was floating, as if my reality was anything but real and yet I didn’t care because everything was so new and exciting. I couldn’t wait to get to wherever it was we were going and let him have his way with me. I always thought that my first time would have been moonlight and roses as my partner and I shared in our love making experience, but as he leaned in to kiss me once again all those thoughts flew out the window because all I wanted to do was get laid. I didn’t care about moonlight and roses anymore, all I cared about was getting naked and letting him do whatever the hell he wanted to do to me. 

“Well I could take you to that alley over there and fuck your brains out against that wall” He rushed out, sounding almost as needy as I did as he nodded towards a sparsely lit alley behind the club. I didn’t care where he fucked me because all I cared about was that he did it and he did it fast. He almost choked me to death when grabbed onto my tie and jerked me back against the car when I attempted to move towards the alley. “Who the fuck wears a tie to a club?” I heard him murmur as he quickly undid the silk cloth around my neck, tossing it over his shoulder before leaning in and kissing me once again. 

“Tha…that was a five hundred dollar tie” I stammered as I tried to catch my breath once again, not really giving a shit about the tie as I leaned up and tried to find his lips for another kiss. 

“You paid five hundred dollars for a fucking tie?” He asked, his face full of astonishment as he left me leaning against the car somewhat confused before plucking the tie out of the puddle of water it had landed in. “I’m sure I could get Cassidy to find something to get this stain out” He said with his full concentration on the stupid tie. 

I just kind of stood there for a minute watching as the man whose name I still didn’t know yet scratch at my stained tie. “I really don’t give a shit about this tie” I cried out in irritation as I grabbed it from his hands and tossed it over my shoulder. “Look…I’m sure that my friends told you all about my situation and I really don’t care about a tie or where you fuck me…I just want you to fuck me” I felt bold and brazen and I hadn’t even had anything else to drink since I had entered the club. 

“It’s your first time and I am not fucking you against a fucking dirty wall” He announced loud enough that my bold and brazenness started to wean at the chuckles I heard from the few others lingering in the parking lot. “Look, I remember how scary my first time was and to tell you the truth it was pretty horrible. The guy I was with was a jerk and made me feel so shitty afterwards that I was almost terrified to even try and be with someone else after that. I don’t want that to happen to you Kitty. As cliché as it sounds, despite the fact that this is a total hook up, you’re first time should be sort of special”

“Then lets go somewhere” I ground out, glaring at him before ducking my head in embarrassment. 

“Where’s your car because I don’t have one” He grabbed my hand, staring me down with dark eyes as he waited for me to point him in the right direction. 

“Over there” I pointed to the sports car standing out like a sore thumb in comparison to the other cars around it. 

“You drive that?” He pointed towards my car, looking back at me with a strange look on his face. “Five hundred dollar ties and a car that looks as if it cost more then any amount of money I might ever make in my lifetime. Who the fuck are you?”

I was starting to get annoyed and uncomfortable as I jerked my hand out of his because I didn't want him to know who I was or what I did for a living. “Look this was a mistake. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to leave with you and…” No other words were able to leave my mouth as it became otherwise engaged with his lips and tongue. “You…you drive” I gasped, jerking my car keys out of my pocket and shoving them into his hand because once again with just a kiss he had knocked my reality off kilter.

"Oh my god these seats are like butter" He sighed as he fitted himself into the car. "Sorry Kitty, but I'm going to have to adjust this seat" I had to laugh at the way his knees were practically up into his chest before he moved the seat backwards. I didn't care that he had to move the seat because the truth was that once he adjusted himself it gave me the perfect opportunity to lean over and taste and explore his neck. I felt brazen again as I licked a strip of salty skin under his ear, squeeing inside when I felt a shudder go through his body and a moan escape his lips. "If you keep doing that and I crash your car I am not responsible" He moaned again as I went in for another lick. I was excited beyond belief that I had found such a sensitive spot and hoping that I could find even more as the evening progressed. He kissed me hungrily once again before starting up the car and peeling out of the parking area. "Where do you live and put your seatbelt on. I don't want to be responsible for your death if we crash" He asked, swatting at me when I tried to go back to my earlier actions. "Now be a cute Kitty and sit there until we get to your place" He pointed at me, a playful sneer on his face as he slide his hand into my lap and rubbed and tortured my dick until I came in my pants like a school boy. "Mmmm...so receptive" He winked, focusing on the road in front of him, his hand still grazing my lap with each bump we drove over. 

I was hard again by the time we reached my home, but it deflated quickly as I saw the doorman waiting to let me enter. My mind was frantic as I tried to figure out how I was going to get him through the lobby without anyone seeing him. It was quite late in the evening and just by looking at him there was no doubt that he was anything but a booty call. "Why don't we go to your place" I swallowed nervously, looking at him out of the corner of my eye before drawing it back towards doorman. 

"You really are a closet case aren't you?" He asked me with a smile on his face and it totally pissed me off.

"Like you fucking came out of the womb waving the gay pride flag" I bit out, crossing my arms over my chest because I really wanted to punch him even though I knew I wasn't really mad at him. 

"How about I wave the peace flag" He waved his hands in surrender. "The thing is that I really don't have a place per say" He shrugged as I eyed him suspiciously. "I'm sort of staying with friends and they have a baby, so I don't think they would be happy with me bringing a...bringing you home with me" I had to laugh despite the fact that I knew he considered me just a trick. "Look why do you care what he thinks? You have to be paying a huge amount of money for this place and he works for you, so who cares if he knows what this is"

"I care" I glared at him again, adding a sulk to the mix. 

"You know what...maybe you're right and this wasn't such a good idea. I'll just catch a cab home and you can hide yourself in the back of your closet once again" I could hear the aggravation in his voice and it actually made me feel bad, but at the same time it made me feel afraid because as much as the man annoyed me I really didn't want him to leave. I was ready to take the next steps in losing my virginity and something told me that at least with him he seemed to understand what I was going through, where any other guy wouldn’t care. I had no idea what to do as we sat there in silence but I knew I had to make a decision soon at the way he kept shifting and sighing in the seat next to me. 

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

“Just don’t say anything” I ignored his anger, opening the door and getting out. “Let me do all the talking” 

“You’re the boss” He rolled his eyes at me, my irritation level growing once again. “At least until I get you into bed and then I’m totally in charge” He winked and just like that the irritation was gone and all I could think about was letting him do everything and anything that he wanted to do to me. I don’t know where I got the balls and he even seemed to be a bit shocked as I grabbed onto his hand and led him towards the entrance. 

“Evening Mr. Allen” Burt, the doorman greeted me, eyeing the man beside me up and down before his eyes landed on our joined hands. 

“Evening Burt” I replied with what I hoped was a steady voice before literally dragging my date towards the elevator. 

“Wow Kitty…you’re first step out of the closet” He grinned at me, wrapping his body around me from behind as I placed the key in the slot and hit the button for the penthouse suite. 

“Wh…why do you keep calling me Kitty?” I stammered, arching my neck to the side as he bit and licked at it. 

“Because you’re so cute and so new just like a new born kitten” He explained and where I should have punched the shit out of him for talking to me like a baby for some reason it turned me on even more as I spun around and kissed the shit out of him. “Holy shit…” He cried out, pushing me away when the elevator doors opened. “Are you a fucking drug dealer or something?” He asked, walking into the foyer, his mouth open as he looked around my home. 

“Yes…you figured me out. I’m a twenty-five year old virgin drug dealer” I rolled my eyes, proud of the fact that my home was beautiful and full of pretty things and also a bit giddy at what was about to happen. "Would you like to take this to the bedroom?" I asked, trying to be brave but my voice cracking anyway.

"I'll take good care of you Kitty" He whispered against my ear, tugging it with his teeth before he took my hand and started tugging me down the hallway. "Where's the bedroom?" He asked, looking at the row of closed doors before us. "How many rooms do you have anyways?"

"Six" I shrugged, releasing his hand and opening the first door we came up to. 

"You live here alone?" He continued his line of questioning.

"Yes..." I answered, stepping into the master bedroom.

"Why do you need six bedrooms?"

"One room is my bedroom, one is my study, one is my gym and the other three are guest rooms" I replied quickly, standing in front of my dresser, my entire body shivering as the braveness I felt before began to turn into fear. I was beginning to have second thoughts as I continued to stand there, wrapping my arms around my middle and looking anywhere but at the man who was about to fuck me. 

"Oh my precious Kitty" I heard him say as he walked up to me and pulled me into his arms. I didn't say anything as I leaned into his touch, for some reason the scent of his cologne and sweat calming me. "We're going to take this nice and slow and if there is anything you feel uncomfortable with we'll stop" I'm going to take very good care of you I promise" I didn't have a chance to say anything else as he leaned down and kissed me quickly. "I can't wait to get you naked" He growled, a sound that went directly to my dick as he unbuttoned my shirt, yanking it out of the waist of my dress slacks before tossing it over his shoulder. He had me nude within seconds, falling to his knees the Moment he had, his mouth on my dick in a way no man ever had been before. I came hard and I came quickly, my knees giving out on me as I crashed to the floor in front of him, my entire body flushed from heat and embarrassment. “Did you like that?” He purred, his hands all over my body, warming me up in ways I never knew existed with his touch and his words. “Because there is so much more where that came from” I couldn’t say a word. In fact I couldn’t do much of anything but allow him to pull me back to my feet, literally tossing me backwards onto the bed before ripping the clothes from his body as well. 

My eyes closed on their own the Moment that he pressed me into the mattress, his body hard and heavy on top of my own. I was scared out of my mind as he shifted my legs open, the lower half of his body settling against my own. A wonton moan escaped from my lips as he aligned our cocks together, making tiny erratic movements that were already driving me insane with want and need. “Your name?” I cried out when he continued to torture me, still not off the high of my first orgasm. “What is your name?” I asked again, my breath rugged and unsteady because I felt as if I was about to lose it again. 

“Adam” His breath was equally unsteady as he leaned up to kiss me, halting all action below when I moved my head away because I didn’t want to kiss him after I had come in his mouth. “All I’m going to say is that you better get over that quick because I enjoy kissing as much as I enjoy sucking cock and there are going to be lots of both of those tonight” I made an attempt to respond, but no words moved past my lips as he covered my mouth with his, his tongue bombarding its way into my mouth. I tried to push him away, but it really was only a half hearted attempt because with that kiss alone I felt my dick come painfully to life yet again. “Don’t try to deny me anything Kitty, because I always get what I want”

“My name is Kris” I cried out, trying to sound in control but it only came out as an almost muted moan. “Fuck…just call me Kris” I rushed out, shifting my knees up enough that it caused the two of us to moan out loud when he shifted even further into my lower regions. 

“Ok Kris…no more playing around” He grunted against my ear, kissing my neck hard enough that I knew there was going to be a mark and yet I didn’t care. I didn’t care because as he was marking my neck, his hands were between us holding our dicks together in a heavy grip that felt so perfect that it made me want to scream. It made me feel wanton and so unlike myself because it felt so amazing and right in a way that I’d never experienced before. 

“Adam…” I whispered brokenly, wrapping my arms around his neck and hiding my face there because the rightness and the beauty of it all were almost overwhelming. 

“It’s ok. I’ve got you” I heard him reply softly, his touch becoming almost gentle as he continued to stroke the two of us together. I tried to muffle my cries of pleasure as I came for a second time that night, but it was a failed attempt as I threw my head back and allowed the sound to flow through my entire body. I saw stars, the blood rushing through my ears as I fought for breath, trying to figure out why I had been so afraid of sex with a man before. I felt as if I was in another reality for a few Moments as I continued to lay there, everything confusing me and making me feel so alive at the same time. I wasn’t even sure if Adam had gotten off as I finally reeled myself back in and found him lying beside me with a smirk on his face. “I lost you for a little bit there. You ok?” He asked as I broke the lock his eyes had on my face and looked down at my stomach. 

“Did you?” I asked, noticing several streams of wetness across my stomach and chest, but unsure if it was all mine. 

“Yes” He responded with such a sweet smile that I felt my entire body flush again. “Just give me a few minutes and I’m sure we can come up with a way to make me do it again” I couldn’t help the shiver that ran down my spine as he leaned forward and kissed me quickly before rolling off of the bed and going into the bathroom. “Let’s clean up a little bit before we start again” My eyes were trained on him as he got back onto the bed, causing me to relax a little as the warmness of the wash cloth massaged my skin. I said nothing as I watched him clean himself up as well; lying down beside me once again once he was done. “You never answered me before when I asked if you were ok”

“I feel amazing” I smiled at him because I did feel amazing and I never wanted that feeling to end. I studied his face for a few Moments because I really hadn’t had the chance to do it in the darkness of the club and then car on the way to my home. I found him to be amazingly hot and I made a mental note to remind myself to buy Cale and Matt something nice for actually getting involved in my sex life. “Glitter” I found myself blurting out as I reached up and traced the smeared marks of glitter on the side of his face. I hadn’t noticed it before but as he smiled at me the light from the desk caught it. 

“One simply can not go to a club without it” He laughed, swiping his finger at one of the streaks, rubbing it against my own cheek. “Beautiful” I wanted to tell him that I doubted that it looked the same on me as it did on him, but he didn’t allow that to happen as he stole another kiss, which quickly turned into many more. I didn’t know how long we made out, or when it was that I fell asleep but when I did finally wake up I found the bed empty, but most of Adam’s clothes still on the floor. I had a Moment of panic as I thought of all the horrible things he could be doing alone in my house, nearly falling on the floor in my haste to get out of bed to find him. “Hey…you’re awake” I heard him say from the doorway as I tried in vain to remove the sheet twisted around my waist. 

“What were you doing?” I asked, trying to keep the accusation out of my voice but by the look on his face I knew I hadn’t done a very good job. 

“I was looking for my cell phone. It must have fallen out of my pocket as we were messing around in the hallway” He held up his cell phone, the look on his face letting me know that he was getting ready to bolt. 

“I’m sorry” I blurted out, not knowing what to say afterwards. 

“I just wanted to text my friends and let them know that I wouldn’t be coming home tonight” He explained, the same look still on his face. 

“I’m sorry” I said again, finally untangling the sheet before making my way over to where he continued to stand with a torn, yet angry look upon his face. 

“Maybe I should go” He confirmed my fears of leaving as he turned around and started looking for his clothing. 

“Please don’t” I couldn’t believe how helpless and pathetic I sounded, but I had just had my first taste of gay sex and I wasn’t ready to give it just yet, in fact I wanted so much more. 

I heard his cell phone hit the floor and before I could say anything else I found myself back on the bed, Adam towering over me beside it. “I’m not a thief and I don’t lie” He ground out, eyes boring into my own. “I may not have a lot of money and sleep on my friends couch but I have fucking morals” 

“I know and I’m sorry” I rushed out, crawling onto my knees in front of him. “I didn’t mean it. I’ve just never done this before and I panicked for a Moment” I tried to explain, falling back on my haunches when he just continued to stare at me. 

“There are a lot of guys out there that would fuck the shit out of you and then rob you blind, but I’m not one of them” He finally broke his silence and I could tell that he was actually speaking the truth.. 

“I know and I believe you” And I did believe him and yet I wasn’t sure why. 

“You totally want me for my body” He winked at me with a laugh, the tension in the room leaving just as quickly as it had come. “I’m going to make you a gay man yet” I kind of felt uncomfortable with that term and yet I wasn’t sure if it was because of the fact that I was so new to everything or the fact that I really didn’t want to be what I assumed to be a typical gay man. I had a stereotype of what a gay man was and the idea of fucking my way from man to man was something that I really didn’t want to think about. I didn’t say anything as he slid onto the bed, kissing me hungrily. 

We messed around for a bit more just kissing and touching in ways that were getting me fully aroused once again. I explored his body inch by inch, some by hand and others by mouth until I found myself eye level with the biggest cock I had ever seen. It wasn’t as if I had a lot of experience or any for that matter, but even on some of that gay porn I had watched none of the actors compared in size to Adam. “How does it fit?” I found myself asking because I knew there was no way in hell that huge thing was fitting inside of me, no matter how much I wanted it too. I couldn’t help the blush that raced across my face at the chuckle I got in reply, refusing to look at his face as I continued to gape at his cock. 

“Well I’m going to take that as a compliment” I heard him say. “And trust me it will fit”

“Hey…” I cried out in pain when he slapped my ass, turning to glare at him for a Moment before turning my attention back to his leaking erection. “There’s no way that I can get that all into my mouth” I blurted again without thinking because it seemed that my brain was on complete overload and my mouth seemed to be working on its own. 

“You can…you just have to take it slow” There was a husk to his voice that caused me to look up at his face once again, his eyes were dark and his breathing seemed to be speeding up. “Just take as much as you can and then use your hand to cover the rest” My hand was shaking as I slowly reached forward and wrapped my fingers around the shaft. It felt odd in my hand, kind of hard and hot, yet soft as I moved my hand up and down for a few test runs. “That’s good too” I heard his raspy voice say but I ignored him as I tightened my hand around the bottom half of his penis before guiding it towards my mouth. “Watch your teeth” He cried out, his entire body jerking back as I tried to inhale him into my mouth, realizing I had caused him pain as one of my teeth caught the sensitive skin there. “Try…try again, but watch your teeth” I could tell he was struggling for breath as I did what he said, trying to focus on not hurting him again as well as the feel and the odd taste of him. I lost myself for a Moment in the heat and the smells around me, wishing that we had thought to take a shower before hand to remove the club sweat, but refusing to back down as I moved even lower. Immediately my gag reflex kicked in causing me to back off, wiping quickly at the spit that dribbled down my chin. “Don’t take so much right now. It gets easier after a few tries and eventually you’ll learn to relax enough to take in more” I could tell it was killing him to talk as I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and tried once again. “Yeah…like that Kitty…like that” His voice grew deeper as I continued to explore his dick with my tongue and mouth starting to feel more confidant with each pant and moan I heard coming from him. It was an amazing feeling to have so much control over another person and it caused me to increase the speed of my actions in my excitement. “Pull off” He cried out, pushing himself onto his elbows as he moved away from me a little bit. “Let me come on your chest for your first time” I didn’t know why he wanted me to pull off when I hadn’t the first time he sucked me off, but I did as he asked and pulled back just a little. I got my answer rather quickly as he exploded what felt like buckets of come all over my chest, some of it even landing across my lips and chin. 

“Do you always come like that?” I asked, sitting up and wiping at my chin when all I got in response was laughter. 

“Fuck…no…not always” He rushed out, falling back against the pillows behind him for a Moment before reaching out and plucking the wet washcloth from where he had tossed it towards the end of the bed. “You were just so…and it just got me so excited and...” He chuckled as he sat up and cleaned my chest off with the dirty and cold wash rag. “I haven’t come that much and that quick in a very long time. Come here” He wagged his finger at me, causing me to smile as I shifted around until I was lying beside him. “That was amazing. Thank you” I was exhausted and content as I leaned into the kiss he was offering, falling to sleep quickly before I even knew what had hit me.


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke up the next morning Adam was snoring softly beside me, lying on his stomach, face hidden within the pillow. He was still naked, the lower half of his torso covered by a sheet, his back uncovered as a stream of sunlight enhanced his pale skin. I just laid there for a Moment taking it all in. Closing my eyes I wondered what it would be like to wake up like this with a beautiful man lying beside me or even better what it would feel like to wake up being held within his arms. My heart clenched at the idea of spending my life with someone who loved me and that I loved in return. I allowed myself to think about what it would be like to be out of the closet and not ashamed of the fact that I was gay and in love with another man and as much as I wanted that to happen, I knew that it never would. I was petrified of my family finding out, even more petrified of the company I worked for finding out and because of that fear I knew that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. “That is an entirely too serious face for this early in the morning” I heard Adam speak, my eyes jerking up to find him looking at me through beautiful sleepy eyes. “If you trying to come up with a way to tell me nicely to get my lazy ass out of your bed and go home you don’t have to worry because I’m on my way” He said with a shrug, sitting up and rubbing his hands over his face. 

“I wasn’t thinking that” I found myself saying sitting up as well. “I was actually thinking that it was quite nice to wake up next to someone” The words rolled from my tongue, my breath catching in my throat because I hadn’t meant to reveal that to him. 

He didn’t say anything for a Moment, just looked at me as if trying to figure something out and I found myself wishing like hell that I had kept my mouth shut. “Yeah…well…I need to get going anyway. I have to work tonight and I still need to shower and change, maybe catch a few more hours of sleep” 

I wanted to ask him where he worked. I wanted to ask him not to go. I wanted to ask him to kiss me and make me forget how lonely my life was going to be once he did leave. I wanted to ask him to fuck me because we had never gotten that far, but all I did was sit there and nod. “Alright” I replied, getting out of bed and collecting his clothes. “Can I get you something to eat before you go or do you need a ride to your friends place?” 

“Nah…I’m good” He said, slipping out of the bed as well. “I’m just going to clean myself up a little bit and then head out” Neither of us said anything as he walked into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. With a heavy hearted sigh I grabbed a robe hanging on the back of the bedroom door, slipping it over my body before sitting back down on the bed. 

“Well I hope that I didn’t traumatize you too much last night” I heard Adam say as he exited the restroom, his face washed and dark hair slicked back from his face. 

“No…it was nice…a lot of fun” I replied like a moron, cursing myself internally at the way I was acting. “So did Matt and Cale take care of you last night or do I need to pay you” 

“What?” Adam asked with a look of full confusion on his face. 

“Did they pay you for last night or do I need to pay you?” I repeated, watching that confusion turn to outright fury. 

“You think they paid me to sleep with you?” There was an edge to his voice that caused my blood to turn cold as I tried to figure out what I had said to make him so angry. 

“Well…” I swallowed hard. “Matt is kind of a cheapskate but Cale…” 

“How much did you think last night was worth?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. What’s the going rate?” 

“One even you couldn’t fucking afford you fucker” He spat out, shooting me a look so evil that it caused me to flinch back from it. I had no words as he stormed past me, slamming the bedroom door so hard that everything on the walls rattled. 

"You did what?" Matt asked with a gob smacked look upon his face. "Did you hear what he did?" He turned to look at Cale as the three of us had lunch together the following Monday. "No wonder he was so pissed off. I would have punched you in the face if you had called me a whore"

"I didn't call him a whore" I defended myself, glaring at my friend from across the table, not wanting to admit that I had pretty much done just that.

"You offered him money after sex" Cale shrugged. "You pretty much called him a whore"

"I can't believe that you didn't know it was a hook up and not picking up a hooker" Matt laughed out loud, causing me to throw an ice cube from my iced tea at his head. "Hey man, watch the hair"

"Lower your fucking voice. I don't need the entire restaurant to know that I'm..."

"You're a closeted idiot" Matt countered, dodging another piece of ice flying his way.

"Fuck Matt, control yourself" Cale growled out through gritted teeth, kicking him under the table. “

"Lunch is over" I ground out, tossing enough money on the table to cover the bill. I didn't give either one of them a chance to say anything as I stormed out of the restaurant, furious in a way that had nothing to do with my friends and everything to do with my stupidity.

"This is so stupid" I said to myself as I sat in the parking lot of the club Adam had picked me up at the week prior. All week I had tried to move past the embarrassment of that morning with Adam, but with each day that passed I found myself growing more frustrated. I had wanted to call him, even going so far as to have my private secretary try and find his number because Adam hadn't left it. I couldn't blame him for storming out and not leaving his number, but a week later I found myself wishing that I had never uttered those words because I knew if Adam hadn't offered it I would have asked for it. "You can do this Allen" I coached myself, one part of me wanting to run away and hide in my empty home, the other dying to see Adam again so I could apologize and then maybe more.

I was a nervous wreck as I walked into the club, hoping and praying that I ran into Adam, but unsure of what I was going to say once I found him. I didn't know where to start as I took in the dancing bodies on the floor in front of me, opting to hit the bar for a drink of courage before I began his search. "You're back" I heard the bartender say as I walked up to the bar, but I didn't acknowledge him as I found a familiar man leaning against the other end of the bar with two other men standing on either side of him. “You want a drink cutie?” I heard the bartender speak but I ignored him again as I took a deep breath and took a step towards Adam. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I heard him spit out with a leer on his face as I stood before him, the two men with him giving me curious looks. “The one who thought I was a hooker” He explained to his friends with the flip of his hand when I just stood there unable to speak. 

“Ahh…” The taller of the men said, eyeing me up and down before sharing a look with the shorter blonde man standing beside him. “He looks like a virgin” He replied with a playful smile, but I ignored him, my eyes still locked on Adam who refused to even look at me. 

“Adam…can I please talk to you?” I finally found the will to speak growing very uncomfortable at the way both men kept staring at me. “Alone…” I glanced between the two of them quickly before I tried to catch Adam’s eye once again. 

“Oh baby…Adam’s a grudge holder. You’d have better luck talking to that wall, or you can talk to me because you’re totally fucking cute” I was blushing like crazy as he looked me up and down again, licking his lips when he finally reached my face. 

“You’re really fucking flirting with him right in front of me” The blonde guy practically growled, giving me a look that I felt could burn me to ash if he really wanted it to. “The first night that we’ve come out in weeks since that baby was born and you want to flirt with one of Adam’s throwbacks right in front of me?” 

“What…he’s cute. I was only looking” The darker complected of the two said with a shrug, that same playful grin on his face. “Oh Jesus fuck Tommy, you know that I only love you” 

“Right” Blonde man replied with a sulk, trying to walk away but the taller man spinning him around and pinning him to the bar before he kissed him hot and dirty. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off of that way they were making out in public like it was nothing, making me envious over something I hadn’t even realized that I had wanted before. 

“You want to talk then lets fucking talk” I heard Adam holler, nearly knocking me to the ground when he grabbed onto my arm and jerked my unsuspectingly onto the crowded dance floor. At first I thought we were going to dance, but I quickly realized that wasn’t the case as he pulled me across the floor and into a dark hallway. “You want to talk them fucking talk” He grabbed onto my chin, pushing me backwards until I hit the wall behind me. I tried to look around the room, but his hand on my chin hindered that as moaning and cries of passion sounded around us. I didn’t know what to say or where to start, but he really didn’t give me a chance as he leaned down and kissed me so hard that I couldn’t help but cry out at the shock of it all. “You don’t really want to talk anyway do you Kitty?” He spoke roughly against my ear; spinning me around and slamming me face first into the wall once again. “You came back because I never finished the job. You want me to fuck you don’t you?” He asked, the sneer in his voice scaring me and turning me on at the same time. 

“Adam…” I whined, not thinking it was loud enough but he seemed to hear me just the same. 

“Yeah…that’s what I thought” I tried to protest, but again he didn’t give me a chance to do much of anything as he reached around my hips and expertly lowered the zipper to my jeans tugging them off of me so quickly that my head was spinning. He flattened me fully to the wall as I felt him fumbling near by back. “I’m going t fuck you so good Kitty that you will be feeling me for days” My fear quickly turned to lust as I began to hump the wall like a crazy person, not caring about what was probably coating it at the yells and cries of others continued to echo around me. I didn’t know what he was doing behind me but I figured it out pretty quickly when I felt him press a finger against my ass, a cold sliminess running down my crack. I wanted to cry out, unsure if it was in protest or lust but all words died on my lips as I felt a finger breech me in a way I didn’t think a anyone ever would. A second cold finger joined him and as much as it burned I found myself clawing at the walls, my backside arching backwards in need of more. I lost my breath and my mind when those fingers were removed and he shoved his cock inside me. I couldn’t move as the pain raced from my ass and up my back, a shocked cry spilling from my lips. Either he didn’t notice or care as he began to fuck me hard and fast. The pain seemed to lesson the more he moved and I tried to figure out what the commotion about gay sex was because it only felt strange and really unpleasant and just as I was about to tell him to stop, a felt a jolt of pleasure hit me that nearly brought me to my knees. My dick hardened so fast from that jolt that I lost my load before I even had a chance to enjoy it, nearly hitting the floor once again as I exploded on the wall I was still pinned too. I could tell he was close as he fucked me even harder, pressing me further into the dirty wall once he finally had. I couldn’t move or speak as he laid his forehead on the back of my head, his warm breath cascading down my neck. “Fuck…what the fuck was I thinking” I heard him say, stepping back from me as my legs turned to jelly and I finally hit the floor. 

“Adam…” Was all I could whisper, my breath still ragged as I lolled my head to the side so I could look at him. I watched him dress quickly, refusing to meet my eyes once again as he began to pace back and forth in front of me. I could see his lips moving, but was unable to make anything out as he finally hoisted me off of the floor and pulled my jeans back over my hips. I felt like putty in his hands as he pretty much carried me back out through the dance floor, his friends still at the bar watching as he did. 

“Can you walk?” He asked, shaking me a bit once we got outside, the humid breeze of the evening wafting over me. 

“I can walk” I mumbled, it proving to be somewhat true as he let me go and I stumbled around like I’d been drinking all night. 

“Give me your keys” He demanded, snapping his hand in my face when I took to long to retrieve them. “I told you that I was going to make it good for you and…” He was mumbling to himself once again as he searched my pockets, tugging me along like a rag doll once he had found them. “I should have known better…fucking idiot” He continued to speak, but my mouth didn’t seem to want to work as I let him shove me into the passenger side of my car, closing my eyes and inhaling the familiar scent I remembered from before. “I’m just going to drive you home and…” He began to say, cutting himself off as he began to pound the shit out of the steering wheel. “Are you ok?” He finally turned to look at me after he seemed to lose steam. “I’m so sorry Kris. I promise you that I would…” I didn’t give him a chance to finish as I leaned forward and covered his lips with mine. He didn’t kiss me back. In fact he just stared at me through wide and confused eyes before I gave up and slumped against the seat. “This is so fucked up” He cried out and I thought he was going to start beating on the wheel again, but he just grabbed on that time and stared out the window. “I need to take you home” He went to start the car, but my hand on his stopped him before he could turn the ignition. 

“I’m sorry” I said softly, leaving my hand there because it was nice to just touch him. “I never meant to call you a whore. Forgive me?”


	5. Chapter 5

“After what I did to you…you’re asking me to forgive you?” He asked, looking as if he was about to cry. 

“Yes” I replied, feeling so tired all of a sudden. 

“I forced myself on you. You should be calling the cops instead of asking me for forgiveness” His bottom lip started to tremble, his eyes growing even more watery as he continued to stare at me. 

“Calling the cops is not necessary since I was a willing participant” He went to argue with me, but I was tired and felt filthy and wanted nothing more then for Adam to take me home. “Can you please just take me home? I just want to take a shower and then if you haven’t run away I’d like to talk to you…get to know you” I waited for him to tell me I was crazy and run from the car but he didn’t and I considered it a win when he started it up and we drove in silence towards my home. “There’s a shower at the end of the hall if you want to take one” I pointed down the hallway as the two of us walked into the foyer of my apartment. “I’m just going to go clean up” I said over my shoulder, turning to face him when I didn’t get a reply. “Promise me that you won’t leave” I said, walking up to him and placing my hand on his arm. “Please” I didn’t get a verbal response, but he nodded and that was enough for me as I took his hand and led him down the hallway. “You’ll find a clean bathrobe hanging behind the door. I’ll be back in a few minutes” He still didn’t say anything, but I felt it a victory when he entered that bathroom, the water from the shower running a few Moments later. 

My mind was conflicted as I took my own shower because as much as I had enjoyed having Adam fuck me, I had to admit that it really bothered me the way that it had happened. It wasn’t that I ever thought that I would find someone to have sex with because even I had to admit that I was living so far back in the closet that I couldn’t see the light of day, but that didn’t mean that I had hadn’t thought about it, had dreams about it and not once did they ever play out the way that it had. I was happy to say that I had lost my virginity, but at the same time I was an old fashioned guy at heart and I found myself really sort of wanting to cry. I allowed a few of them to fall, pulling myself together quickly at the sound of the shower stall door sliding open. I held my tongue as Adam stepped into the shower behind me, wrapping his arms around me from behind and just holding me tightly. “Please forgive me” He whispered softly against my ear and I knew that I had when I no longer cared about how everything had played out and only cared about the fact that I only wanted to take his pain away. 

“I forgive you” I whispered back, turning to face him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a simple kiss. “I forgive you” I whispered again with a small smile on my face as I searched his troubled eyes, smiling even wider when I found he had forgiven himself as well within them. “Will you stay tonight?” 

"Do you want me too?" He asked shyly. My answer was to kiss him again, that time there was nothing simple about it. We made love after we stepped out of the shower, kissing and touching each other afterwards until I felt I was going to go mad with the over stimulation.

"No...no more" I panted weakly as he nudged at my penis with his nose after getting me off for the third time that night. "I...I can't" Swatting at his head as he laid his cheek on my thigh, the warmth of his breath from his laughter wafting over it. "Jerk" I swatted at him again, watching as he slid forward until he was lyiing beside me. 

"Three times in one night, that's pretty amazing Kitty" He giggled, nuzzling my neck, causing me to laugh because I felt so damn good that even the nickname didn’t bother me anymore. 

"Well, you're behind by one" I leered playfully at him before I pounced and rolled him onto his back. I moaned loudly as my still overly sensitive dick came in contact with his as I straddled him. "Fuck...is it possible to come to much?" I asked, shifting forward just a bit to relieve some of the pressure. “I don’t think I could do it again even if I wanted to”

“I don’t think I could either” He said, just looking up at me with what looked to be happiness in his eyes. I hoped that I was bringing him some happiness because I had hated seeing the look of upset on his face earlier, but then I forced that hope away because I knew that there was nothing more then fucking going on between us. Shaking my head a little to clear my thoughts I focused my attention on the board and furry chest I felt under my fingertips. I was amazed at how right it felt again to feel the shapes and the plains of a man around me, already knowing that now that I had had a taste that I would always crave more. I cursed myself once again for being such a coward and taking so long to experience being with a man, but then I forced that thought aside as well because I didn’t want to think about the wasted time, only the time that I had left with Adam. 

“What are you thinking about baby?” I heard him ask, his fingers skimming the side of my cheek at he looked up at me with a confused look. “I lost you for a minute” He explained when I just looked at him. 

“Just about how much I like your hairy chest” I sort of told the truth as I ran my fingers over the softness. 

“Really…cause most guys don’t like it” He looked as if he were blushing and it made me giggle as I leaned down and kissed his chest, loving the feel of it against my lips. “I did the whole waxing thing for awhile, but I quickly got over it because that shit hurts too much for me to care if a random trick likes it or not” I didn’t respond to that, sliding onto my side beside him, my fingers still trailing through the course hair. 

“Tell me about your first time” I lifted my head up enough to look at his face. “You said it was a bad experience” I could tell that he was conflicted about telling me, so I laid down once again, refusing to remove my hand from his chest because I liked the feel of it too much and waited to see if he would tell me or not. 

“I met him at a club” He began. “I hadn’t been out very long, but I was ready to lose my virginity and get it over with you know?” I knew what he meant since his situation seemed to mirror my own but I didn’t say anything as I waited for him to continue. “He wasn’t even that cute, just he was interested and I fell for his lines. He took me into the alley behind the club we were in and fucked me so hard and so quick that it was over before I even knew it. The only reason I knew it was over was because my ass hurt so bad from not being prepared and then I saw him walking away from me like nothing had happened. It really was a lot to deal with afterwards because as much as I wanted to lose my virginity I never in a thousand years thought that it would be like that” 

“Oh Adam” I cried out, my heart breaking that someone could be so mean and careless to someone, who despite the fact I hardly knew him seemed like a really nice man. It all made sense why he didn’t want to fuck me in that alley behind the club we had met at and I couldn’t have been more appreciative of how he hadn’t wanted my first time to happen like that. 

“It wasn’t my finest hour” He went on, a smile on his face, but I could tell that the memories still bothered him because there was sadness in his eyes. “I wasn’t as fabulous as I am now and I didn’t know any better” He tried to joke, and as much as I agreed that he was pretty fabulous, it hurt me that that memory was still hurting him.

“Is that why you decided to be a top?” I asked, a frown covering my face when he looked at me like I had lost my mind before bursting into laughter. “What?” I cried out in defense, starting to get mad at the way he continued to laugh at me. 

“Oh Kitty…you are just far too cute for words” He reached out and pinched my cheek, pissing me off even more as I slapped his hand away and pulled away from him. “You know being a gay man isn’t all about who the top is and who the bottom is...right?” I didn’t answer him because the truth was that I really had no idea what being a gay man was like other then what I had seen on TV or read. “Hey…I’m sorry” He seemed to realize he had hurt my feelings as he placed his finger under my chin and forced me to look up at him. “You really don’t have any idea do you?” I didn’t see the laugher in his eyes anymore as I took a deep breath and prepared to tell him some truths about me. 

“I grew up on Arkansas” I began, swallowing hard and taking another breath before I continued. “I was raised in this amazing small town where everyone knew your name and your business. It was a tight knit community where you knew your neighbor was going to be there if you needed them and there really wasn’t any crime so to speak of. It was amazing because it was like you were constantly surrounded by family” 

“Sounds to good to be true” Adam said as he sat up, sitting Indian style before me as I did the same. “There always has to be a dark side somewhere” I could see that he knew what that dark side was but he let me speak it anyway. 

“I loved living there and up until the age of fifteen I figured that I would follow in the footsteps of my father and find a girl, get a good job, get married and start a family” I hide my eyes for a Moment because as much as I loved my town and my family, I hated that I couldn’t be who I truly wanted to be when it came to either. “When I turned fifteen that all changed because I found myself interested in guys instead of girls and it scared the fucking shit out of me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it and the few times I made an attempt to even broach the subject with my parents I chickened out. I started looking up stuff online. I started watching any gay based show on the internet that I could find, but it only seemed to confuse me even more. Then one of my classmates was jerked out of the closet by one of our other classmates and I vowed to never come out to anyone after what they did to him” 

“Do I even have to ask what they did to him?” Adam sounded mad and I wasn’t sure if he was mad at me or the story I was telling. 

“He had never come out and said he was gay, but you could look at him and know” I hide my eyes again as guilt and shame started to overcome me. “He had only confided in one person and that person was his Brother and he had ratted him out the first Moment he got the chance. The new spread like wildfire through the school and then the entire town before the end of the day. He was picked on repeatedly at school, verbally tortured and abused and yet no one said a fucking thing” I had tears in my eyes because I was one of those who watched and yet never said a word in his defense. “The entire town seemed to shun him, everywhere he went he was whispered about and made fun of, but the worst of it was when he was asked to leave the church one Sunday as we waited for the service to start. Two of the clergy men walked right up to where he was sitting and physically removed him from the church and his family never said a damn thing. I wanted to help him Adam, but I was so scared that what they did to him would happen to me” 

“I know” I heard him say as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. 

“After that things became ever worse for him and then one day he was just gone. No one ever knew what happened to him, his parents refusing to talk about their gay son ever again. It was like he never existed. I should have done something…I should have” I sobbed clutching hard onto Adam’s shoulders at my shame. 

“You did what you had to do to keep yourself safe. No one can begrudge you for that” He pushed me back some so he could look at my face. “You can’t beat yourself up over this Kris. I know it sucks and I know you feel guilty but sadly it is the life of some gay children” 

“Did something like that happen to you?” I asked, not feeling any better but thankful that Adam was being so kind to me and seemed to understand. 

“No…I was lucky. My Mom knew before I would even admit it to myself and even when I figured out that she knew I still kept it from her for several more years. I was afraid just like you were that if anyone from my school found out that there would be hell to pay. As it was I was teased constantly about being gay before I had even come to terms with it myself”

“So your family understood?”

“Like I said my Mom already knew, my Brother just laughed at me when I finally told him and said that it wasn’t a huge shock...that he had suspected long before. My Father took some time to adjust to it, but he never turned his back on me or made me feel unloved because of it” 

“You’re lucky” I sighed as he leaned against the headboard, tugging me back into his arms once he was settled. 

“You really don’t think that your family will accept you?” He asked the million dollar question, the one I asked myself almost every day since I had left home and moved to California. 

“Neither one of them had really nice things to say about Rick once they found out he was gay. They never went out of their way to talk badly about him as a person, but they always preached to both my Brother and I the evils of homosexuality. I wonder sometimes about how they would react if told them I was gay, but the fear in me refuses to ever try and find out” 

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe they already knew?” He asked.

“No…because if they did I would have known. My parents cling to their spiritual beliefs very tightly and I don’t doubt for a second that if they thought I was gay they would have cut me from their lives long ago” 

“Kris, you really don’t know what they would say. You should at least give them the benefit of the doubt”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m thirsty…do you want something to drink?” I didn’t give him a chance to respond as I jumped off of the bed and practically ran out of the bedroom because I needed a few moments to gather myself. 

“You ok?” I heard Adam speak from the kitchen doorway a few moments later looking at me with concern in his eyes as I stood before the sink staring out the window. . 

“I’m sorry about before. I’m…I’m not usually like this” I stammered, feeling so lost and confused and yet I wasn’t really sure why. “I’m usually so pulled together and in control and now…” 

“And now that you’ve explored your sexuality you’re confused, feeling a little bit lost” It was as if he were in my head and that scared me even more. “Look…I know it’s hard and trust me I know how confusing it can be. I like you Kris and I know that the way we met was kind of fucked up, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need me. You can call me anytime if you just want to talk or…” 

“Or fuck” I giggled, blushing a bit, but feeling somewhat freer knowing that I had Adam to fall back on as more then a fuck buddy if I wanted. 

“Well you can always call me to fuck” He grinned, engulfing me into his arms and hugging me tightly. “But…I hope that you call me because you want to be my friend because I really do like you” 

“I really do like you too” I murmured against his chest, closing my eyes as I sent out a silent prayer that Adam truly meant those words. 

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

Adam turned out to be one of the best friends I ever had in my life, but also more then that because despite my repeated attempts to force myself not to fall in love with him, I found myself falling anyway. It turned out that our daily schedules didn’t mesh well at all, but we found time to talk to each other on the phone whenever there was spare time. Where I worked a typical nine-five job during the day, he slept during the day, staring in a play Sunday through Wednesday nights and then singing a set Thursday and Friday with his band at a gay bar. His only free night was Saturday and he spent that night hanging out with me. We didn’t do much during that time together but it was nice to finally have someone in my life that I could really feel myself with. Sometimes during those nights we had sex, sometimes we didn’t, but what we did a lot of was talk. We found that we had a lot in common when it came to music and we never seemed to run out of topics to cover when we weren’t talking about it. I didn’t notice it right away but little by little thanks to him I was starting to understand more about my sexuality and although I wasn’t ready to announce it to the world by any means, there was a very small part of me that felt that maybe one day I would be. 

“Hey…how’s your day going?” I heard Adam’s cheerful voice speak though the line as I sat in my office at work trying to will the pain in my head away with a rub of my fingers. 

“Great…” I lied with a sigh, leaning back and closing my eyes. 

“You don’t sound great. Everything ok?” 

“No…my boss made me fire one of our employees today and usually something like this doesn’t bother me but this one was different” I sighed, wishing that I could go home and crawl under the covers and forget about the shitty afternoon, preferably with Adam beside me. 

“Different…how?” 

He was gay” I blurted out, my head hurting even more when I opened my eyes and found my secretary glaring at me through the glass door separating us. “I don’t know if he was fired because he was gay or because he actually deserved to be fired. I tried asking my boss, but he told me it was none of my concern and said he wanted it taken care of as soon as possible. I think what pisses me off the most is that it was probably because he was gay because lets face it the board of directors here are dinosaurs and this company is anything but gay friendly” I sighed, turning away from the man still scowling at me. “And to make matter worse my secretary…who already hates me I might add, hasn’t stopped glaring at me since I did it” 

“I’m sorry Kris…” I could tell that he wanted to say something more and I already knew what it was. 

“I can’t just up and quit my job Adam” I rushed out, a hint of heat to my words because as much as I cared for Adam, I knew he could never understand how important my job and the money I made were to me. The problem being that I wasn’t angry at him but at me because I really didn’t know why it was so important to me. 

“I know” I could hear the defense in his reply and it made me feel bad. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed out about this. I wish you didn’t have to perform tonight because I could really use a friend tonight” I sighed, because I really could have. 

“Well it seems you are in luck Kitty” He announced loudly and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m actually off for the next few days” 

“Really…what happened?” I questioned, happy and worried at the same time. 

“Not really sure” He laughed. “All I heard between the curses the director and producer were throwing at each other was that we were closed for the next two days and that we would be moving to another theater when we resumed. I didn’t question it and ran like hell before they could change their mind” 

“That’s great. So I guess you have plans for tonight” I tried to sound cheerful yet sounded anything but. 

“Yep…I’m picking you up at seven and we are going out” 

“Out…where?” I started to panic because the idea of going out with Adam was so appealing and yet I was scared shitless that someone would figure out what we were, even though I didn’t know what we were. 

“Easy Kristopher, I wouldn’t expect you to go anywhere in public with me” He tried to laugh it off, but I could see that I had hurt him with my stupidity. “Tommy and his drag queen have asked us to dinner. You’ve already met them and they know your…G-A-Y, so it shouldn’t be a problem” 

“Adam…” 

“It’s ok if you don’t want to” He replied quickly, making me feel like an even bigger asshole. 

“I don’t think that it’s very nice that you call Tommy’s partner a drag queen and I’ll want to stop off and pick up a nice bottle of wine to give to them. I can’t show up to their home empty handed, my Mother taught me better than that you know” 

“Really?” 

“Yes” I couldn’t help but smile because I could hear how happy Adam sounded. “So since you live there why don’t I just meet you over there instead of having you come all the way over to my place?” 

“I’m already heading that way. I want to spend some alone time with you before the two of them eat you up” He laughed and as nervous as I was about the whole situation, I was happy that I was making Adam happy. 

“I’m leaving now” I decided to leave a few minutes early because the idea of spending time with Adam was more important then working. “I’ll see you in a few” 

“Bye baby…” I couldn’t stop smiling as I put my phone in my pocket and left my office. It didn’t last long at the annoyed glare I got from my personal receptionist as I walked into the lobby. “I’m leaving a bit early tonight. You’re free to leave as well” 

“No thanks, wouldn’t want to give you any reason to fire another one of us” He shot over his shoulder as he turned around and started typing on his computer. I wanted to say something in my defense, but I kept my mouth shut and walked away. 

I found Adam waiting for me in the lobby of my apartment complex, having become such a regular visitor that the doormen always let him in without complaint. “Hey…” He greeted me with a smile, standing up from the chair he had been sitting on and walking over towards me. I could see that he wanted to hug me, but he held himself back as he placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Hey…” I smiled back, not really caring what the staff thought as I reached forward and hugged him tightly. 

“Another step Kitty…I’m so proud of you” He whispered against my ear before he stepped back and started walking towards the elevator. 

“Kiss me” I demanded the moment the doors closed and he and I were all alone. He didn’t waste a moment as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me breathless. “Tha…thank you” I stammered heavily when we broke the kiss, Adam still holding me tightly within his arms. 

“You looked like you needed it” He winked at me, earning him another kiss as I leaned up and attacked his mouth that time. 

“How long do we have before we have to be at your friend’s house?” I asked with a playful grin. “Because I can think of something else that I need even more then a kiss” 

“We’ll just be fashionably late” He grinned, pinning me against the wall as we made out like frantic horny teenagers until the elevator chiming alerted us that we had reached the top. 

“You’re late” I heard Adam’s friend Tommy growl the moment we entered their home nearly two hours late. 

“That’s my fault” I quickly spoke up, trying to control my fear of the blonde haired man as I stepped forward and held out the bottle of wine I had in my hand. “I didn’t want to come here empty handed” I felt Adam shrug beside me then laugh when Tommy pulled down the collar of my shirt, looking between us before poking at the painful hickey on my neck. 

“You need to teach your boy how to lie better” I could tell he wanted to laugh, but he kept his jaw firm as he drew his eyes back to me and just stared as if trying to read something either in my eyes or my face. 

“Thomas…Jesus can’t we ever just have a civilized dinner without you acting like a crazed person” I heard the deep voice of Adam’s other friend, although I hadn’t gotten his name the last time I saw him. However, where I was expecting to see his tall male friend coming around the corner, what I saw instead was a tall beautifully exotic woman. “Kris…it’s so nice to see you again?” She smiled at me, giving me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before taking the bottle of wine Tommy still held in his hand. “Oh my goodness you brought wine” She squealed happily. “For this you deserve another kiss” She winked at me before leaning down and kissing me on my stunned lips.

“And then you wonder why I act all crazy” Tommy growled, grabbing her by the hand and jerking her until she was wrapped up in his arms. It should have been an awkward and jerky movement considering she was so much taller then him, but it was as if they were dancing as he leaned her back and kissed her softly on her red lips. “You look beautiful tonight baby” He smiled at her, kissing her again before she swatted him away but with the most amazingly beautiful smile on her face. 

“I don’t think that I got the chance to officially introduce you to my friends” Adam said as he took my hand and walked us closer towards them. “This is Tommy…the best friend a guy can ever have, one hell of a bassist and so in love with this one that if you even look at her wrong he’s liable to cut you” I didn’t doubt any of what Adam said as I put out my slightly trembling hand and shook the one Tommy held out for me. “This beautiful creature is Raja, but when not in drag he goes by Sutan” 

“Charmed I’m sure” She winked at me again, but didn’t get a chance to say anything else as Tommy grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the kitchen. “Make yourself comfortable. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes” She hollered over her shoulder, squealing once again as Tommy pinned her to the wall and kissed the shit out of her. 

“So when you called her a drag queen, you actually meant drag queen” I whispered to Adam, excited and nervous to finally meet a real life queen. 

“Are you freaking out?” He asked with concern in his voice and on his face. 

“No, but I am starving” I replied with a smile, giving his hand a squeeze as he led me into the living room. 

“Where’s my baby?” Adam asked Tommy as he and I sat on the couch. 

“Sleeping…finally” Tommy sighed, sinking down into a nearby chair, wrapping his arms around Raja’s waist and pulling her into his lap when she came into the living room behind him. “The little bugger didn’t sleep a wink last night and only took a cat nap this afternoon. If you wake her…I break you” Tommy warned, but Adam only laughed at him before turning his attention to me. 

“I can’t wait for you to meet her Kris” He was literally beaming as he got up and took a picture off of their entertainment center. “She’s my favorite person in the entire world. I don’t think that I’ve ever loved anyone as much as I love her” His smile grew even wider as he handed the picture to me while I tried not to be jealous over an infant. “Isn’t she the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen in the world?”

“You’d think that Adam was her Father and not the two of us” Tommy actually looked to be smiling, but then it was gone just as quickly and I thought that maybe I had imagined it. 

“What’s her name?” I asked, still finding myself a bit jealous that Adam seemed to love something so much and it wasn’t me. 

“Jazalyn” Raja answered. 

“We call her Jazz for short” Tommy said, rolling his eyes at the dirty look his partner gave him. “Ok…I call her Jazz for short” He sighed, causing me to smile because although he came across as rough and tough, there was no doubt that he held nothing but love for the woman sitting in his lap. 

“I call her Bunny because she just as cute as one. Oh wait…she’s up” I watched him race down a hallway with that same smile on his face, returning a few moments later with a tiny bundle in his arms. “Isn’t she the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen in your life?” He asked, his eyes dancing with glee as he pulled back the blanket covering her face to reveal what really was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. 

“She really is” I replied softly, awe struck and no longer jealous as I laid eyes on her for the first time. “She looks just like Raja” 

“She does” Tommy smiled for real that time as he gazed lovingly at Raja. “I’ve got two of the most beautiful women in the world right here under my roof” I couldn’t help but get a bit teary eyed at the way he looked up at Raja with such love in his eyes and you could tell that she felt exactly the same way as well. I found myself envious as I continued to watch them, wishing once again that I could find a love like that sometime before I died. 

“You ok?” I heard Adam asked with a frown on his face as I looked around the room and found Tommy, the baby and Raja gone. 

“I’m fine” I replied with a smile, thanking my lucky stars that Raja took that exact moment to call us all to dinner. 

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner was a fun affair, where I was laughing so hard one minute and then the next I was getting misty-eyed as I watched the interaction between Tommy and his partner, finding myself wishing like hell that I could find that with Adam as well. My heart sped up a little faster each time that he looked at me or touched me and with each one I wanted to kiss him so badly. Towards the end of the meal I couldn't take it any more as I leaned up and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Sorry...I couldn't help myself" I blushed, curling into Adam's side when he wrapped his arm around my neck with a grin on his face.

"You don't ever have to apologize for kissing me" Adam grinned even wider, leaning over and kissing me instead.

"People are eating here" Tommy complained, but I could hear the laughter in his voice. 

"You've been macking on your wife all night" Adam grumbled, throwing a piece of chicken at Tommy's head. 

"It's my house" He shot back, throwing the chicken back at him, laughing so hard when it hit and stuck to Adam's cheek. I couldn't help but laugh myself despite the fact I did try to keep it in. 

"I swear I live with children" Raja giggled with a roll of her eyes. "You two boys go play while Kris and I clean up. You don't mind do you Kris?"

"It's the least I can do after this delicious meal" I replied with a smile.

"I'll help" Adam offered, but I could tell that Raja wanted to talk to me alone and the truth was I wanted to speak to her alone as well. 

"No...go spend time with Tommy and the baby. It won't take long" I assured, leaning forward and kissing him sweetly. 

"I know what you’re doing" He pointed at Raja, who just regarded him with a playful grin before she started clearing the table. "Don't let her give you the third degree" He turned to me, intending to say more but I stopped him with another kiss. "Fine" He sighed, getting up and leaving the table.

"Third degree" She huffed as I set the last of the dirty dishes on the counter next to the sink.

"It's ok you know" I said as I leaned against the wall behind her. "I know you and Tommy love Adam and if you want to give me the third degree then I don't mind".

“You really care for him don’t you?” She asked, turning away from the sink to give me her full attention. 

“I do” I couldn’t lie because I did. I just chose to leave out the part where I was head over heels in love with him. 

“It’s not that Tommy and I don’t like you…” She hesitated for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “It’s just that you could hurt him so badly” 

I was so stunned that all I could do was stare because I figured if anyone would get hurt in this situation it would be me. “I would never hurt Adam” I blurted out quickly, not liking the way that the conversation was going in the least. 

“Not intentionally you wouldn’t. I can see that” She replied softly. “I know that this is all new to you…and don’t be mad at Adam for telling us because we really didn’t give him a choice after that night at the club. Anyway, like I said I know this is all new to you but as a rule most gay men don’t mess with straight guys” 

“I’m…I’m not straight” I stammered, completely confused as to what Adam had told her and Tommy that they thought I might be straight. 

“No…you’re gay, but you’ve been living the life of a straight man since you realized you were gay” She began to explain. “It’s part of the journey of being a gay man, but eventually we all come to the realization that it’s not the way that we want to live our lives and we come out. I can’t say for certain that you’d never come out eventually because I don’t really know you, but I’m pretty certain that if you hadn’t met Adam you probably wouldn’t have even thought about it…am I right?” I could only nod in response because I knew that I wouldn’t have even thought about it if I hadn’t met Adam and the truth was that even though I had I wasn’t even sure I was ever going to come out at all regardless. “Adam’s been out for a lot of year’s baby” I felt her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts as I looked up at her. “He’s been a gay man for a very long time and he’s very open minded when it comes to people. He has a beautifully caring heart and because of that he has a lot of friends that many would find odd” I could only nod again because despite only knowing Adam for such a short time I already knew he had an amazing heart. There is also another rule that you don’t put yourself back in the closet for anyone and…” 

“I would never ask Adam to stop being who he is” I cut her off, starting to get angry and wanting to cry all at the same time because the conversation was not going the way I had expected it to go at all. “I care for him far too much to do that to him” 

“Ok…” She replied softly. “I believe you” I could tell that she didn’t but I didn’t push it. “Let’s get these dishes done then” She turned back to the sink, giving me a towel so I could dry. 

We worked in silence for a long time before I finally had to ask the question that had been bugging me since she had brought up Adam’s odd friends. “You don’t normally dress up like this at home do you?” 

“No” She answered. 

“You were testing me to see how I would react” It wasn’t a question but a statement. 

“Yes”

“Did I pass?” I asked straight forward because I could already tell that she was going to tell me the truth regardless if I wanted to hear it or not. 

“I like you Kris. I really do, but I can’t lie and say I’m still not worried that you’re going to break his heart. However…” She spoke up before I could defend myself. “There is no doubt that you care for him and he…well…there is no doubt that you care for him” She repeated, confusing me even more at what she had truly meant to say. “You’ve got one huge strike against you but you accepted me without question and treated me like a lady and I can’t hate you for that” She laughed, pulling me into her arms and hugging me tight. “Just remember that Adam loves with his whole heart and if you hurt him then I hurt you” All traces of feminity were gone as those words were spoken heavily against my ear. 

“Everything ok?” I heard Adam’s voice behind us. 

“Everything’s wonderful” Raja exclaimed with a smile, kissing me on the cheek before she pushed me towards Adam. “I’ll just finish up with this last bit and then bring out the dessert” 

“What did she say to you?” He asked, stopping me in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, looking so concerned that it made me smile for some reason. 

“You have really wonderful friends” I answered, sliding my hand around the back of his neck and urging him down because I really needed to kiss him. 

“You’re not going to tell me are you?” He questioned, but I could see the relief in his eyes. 

“There’s nothing to tell” I kissed him again before I took his hand and led him into the living room where Tommy was dozing on a recliner with Jazalyn resting on his chest. I watched as Adam picked her up gently and walked over to the couch where I sat. “Can I hold her?” I found myself asking, not knowing where the words came from because I had never held a baby before. 

“Of course” He beamed, placing her in my arms before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer into his side.

“You drop her and I drop you” I heard Tommy say as I looked over and found him glaring at me through one eye. 

“Jesus Christ, Tommy…give it a rest” I could hear the irritation in Adam’s voice and I didn’t want to be the cause of it. 

“You know it’s still early, maybe we could watch her for a while so they can go out and get a drink or something” I said, starting to feel very uncomfortable as Adam and Tommy just stared at me as if I had mentioned sacrificing the baby instead of babysitting her. “It was just an idea” I mumbled, feeling myself blush and feeling stupid for even mentioning it. 

“It’s a brilliant idea” We all heard Raja exclaim as she walked into the room. “Thomas get up. You’re taking me out” 

“But…but…” He tripped over his words, reluctance in his eyes but I saw that he got up off of the recliner as she had asked. 

“Jazalyn is in perfectly good hands with Adam and Kris and we haven’t been out alone in ages. You boys are amazing for doing this” She said, rushing over and hugging us both before she went back over to Tommy, taking his hand and practically jerking him out the front door. 

“Tommy really has it bad doesn’t he?” I chuckled, leaning back onto the couch, cooing at the baby I still held in my arms. 

“He does” Adam replied, making crazy faces at the baby, both of them smiling at each other in a way that had me smiling as well. “He wasn’t always like that though. They’ve been through hell the two of them” He went on, looking at me with a thoughtful look on his face. “It took them a long time to get to where they are now” 

“What happened?” I asked, wondering what kind of hell they had been through because it was obvious that they loved each other very much. “If you want to tell me that is”


	8. Chapter 8

“It’s ok” He smiled, curling his body closer to mine. “It was so fucked up at the beginning” He sighed. “I’ve been friends with Sutan for a very long time. He’s a make up artist and I hired him to help me do some head shots for my auditions after I graduated from high school and we just hit it off. He was really a god send because I was freshly new to the gay scene and I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. He had been out for a long time and he took me under his wing and helped me out” 

“Sounds like someone else I know” I nudged him with my shoulder. 

“Yeah…well truth be told before your friends had even talked to me about your problem I had already spotted you from across the room” Adam grinned against my neck. “It wouldn’t have mattered either way because I was determined that I was going to fuck you anyway”

“Oh really?” I giggled, my breath hitching in my throat as he nipped at my neck. 

“Yes…but we can talk about that later” He kissed the spot he’d been tugging at before pulling back. “I met Tommy when he auditioned for a friend’s band. He had this funky blonde and black skunk thing going on with his hair, but I liked him from the moment I met him. He claimed to be straight but he didn’t seem to care about all the gayness going on around him” I heard Adam chuckle before he got a serious look on his face again. “About a couple of months after I met Tommy I invited him to one of Raja’s drag shows. We were more then halfway drunk by the time we got there. I introduced them to each other and you could see this instantaneous spark between them. It was just so fucked up though because Tommy thought that Raja was a real woman and Raja thought Tommy knew he was in drag and I was so fucking clueless thinking that maybe Tommy wasn’t as straight as he said he was” 

“Wow” Was all I could say because I could see how confusing that entire situation could be. 

“Yeah…” I went to the bar to get some drinks and when I came back the two of them were all over each other on the dance floor. I still didn’t think anything of it when they disappeared because I was so shitfaced and had found my own little twink for the night” He continued with his story while I tried not to be jealous of some guy he had picked up before he had even met me. “They ended up at Tommy’s place and well do I really have to tell you what happened next?” He asked, pointing at his crotch as he looked over at me. 

“Not really” I answered, already figuring out that Tommy had found out Raja was really a man when he had felt her up and found a surprise underneath. 

“Tommy just flipped out and kicked Raja out of his apartment and then rushed over to my place, beating on the door loud enough to wake the dead. He was so wasted and so angry, ready to beat the shit out of me for setting him up. I tried to explain but he didn’t want to hear, constantly trying to hit me but falling to the floor instead. Finally, he just passed out. When he woke up the next morning he called me ever name in the book, accused me of setting him up and vowing to never speak to me again. If that wasn’t bad enough I had Raja blaming me for trying to set her up with a straight boy and not telling him about her. I just introduced them, but I got blamed for the whole thing and then neither of them would speak to me for months” 

“What happened after that?” I asked, already knowing that the story had a happy ending, but dying to know how they got to that point. 

“It was the stupidest fucking thing ever” The lead singer of Tommy’s band decided to glam up their look and he hired Sutan to be their make up artist for the small tour they were about to go on. Tommy had no idea what Sutan looked like without his makeup on and yet he knew it was Raja despite it. He felt bad for what he had done to Raja and wanted to talk about it, wanted to make things right because that’s the type of guy Tommy is. Sutan refused to talk to him and he even broke Tommy’s nose when he got pissed off and threw his make up kit at him. It took Tommy bloody and in the emergency room before he would even consider listening to what he had to say”

“And they lived happily ever after” I smiled, cooing at the baby I still held in my arms. 

“Not even close”

"Then how did they end up together?" I was confused. 

"Raja got bashed" He could only nod at me when I looked at him with wide eyes. "She was attacked one night after a show. The fuckers really fucked her up too. They attacked her from behind, so she literally didn't see it coming" I could hear the pain in Adam's voice and it broke my heart, yet I was pissed off that there were people in the world who would hurt another human being like that. Yet under all that anger and pain, I felt overwhelming fear because I knew that it was a small part of the reason I was petrified to come out. 

"I'm sorry that happened to her. It had to be so hard to deal with"

“It was, but it was ten times worse for Tommy. I thought he was going to lose his mind when I told him what happened. When we got to the hospital they wouldn’t tell us anything because we weren’t family and he just lost it even more. He was such a mess, screaming and yelling and threatening just about every staff member he saw. They actually threatened to escort him out of the building if he didn’t control himself. We all waited in the lobby for hours and hours before Sutan’s parents came out and told us what was going on with him. He was in intensive care for four days before they moved him to his own room. They only allowed a few of us in at a time and Tommy let it be known in no uncertain terms that he was going to be one of the first ones to see him. Sutan wanted nothing to do with him at first, but Tommy’s nothing if not stubborn and eventually Sutan just gave up and accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to leave. Tommy never left his side the entire time he was in the hospital, he even moved into his apartment after he was released and we thought everything was going to be just fine, but then the shit hit the fan once again shortly thereafter” Adam sighed as if the story were taking a toll on him. “Let me put her to bed” He nodded towards the sleeping baby still in my arms. 

“Ok” I smiled as I handed her to him, closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth of Adam’s lips as he kissed me softly. 

“Are you ok?” I heard him ask a few moments later, sitting down beside me with a look of concern on his face. I didn’t know why he was concerned about me when it should have been me concerned about him. 

“It’s just so hard to comprehend that there are such hateful people in the world you know” I shrugged, feeling a lot better when he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and tugged me against his body. We sat in silence for a few minutes, each of us seeming to be lost in our own thoughts. “Adam…you don’t have to finish the story if it’s too painful to talk about” I broke that silence, looking up at him. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it but it just brings back so many bad memories” He sighed and I waited to see if he was going to continue or not. “Like I said everything seemed to be going just fine. Tommy seemed to have finally gotten over the fact that he was in love with a man and they actually seemed really happy and then Bruno showed up and fucked everything up” I continued to keep quiet as I watched Adam’s eyes take on a far away look. “He was a friend of Tommy’s from when he was younger. He was only visiting L.A. for a short time, but he left total destruction in his wake. At first he seemed like a really nice guy and seemed to accept that fact that Tommy was friends with a bunch of queers and he really seemed to accept Sutan as Tommy’s partner, but then one night something happened and everything just fucking fell to pieces” 

“What happened?” I asked, hanging on Adam’s ever word. 

“No one really knows what happened because none of us were there and Tommy and Sutan refuse to talk about it. It was like one day everything was fine and then the next day Bruno was in the hospital, Tommy was in jail and Sutan just pretended like everything was normal, refusing to talk about either of them. It was the oddest fucking thing. I’m the one who had to pick Tommy up from jail and no matter how much I begged him to tell me what the fuck had happened, he flat out refused. It was just a jumbled mess because they weren’t talking to each other, they weren’t talking to me and little by little we all began to drift away from each other. We didn’t speak to each other for nearly a year and then one night out of the blue I got a phone call from Tommy asking if he could come over. I almost said no because I was still so fucking confused and pissed off about what had happened, but I didn’t. He came over and apologized for letting things get as far as he did, but he still refused to tell me what happened between the three of them. He begged me to help him get Sutan back and at first I refused because I couldn’t watch him go through another breakup if Tommy decided to get stupid again, but I found myself caving when my normally staunch and non-emotional Tommy broke down into fucking mess in front of me” 

“I find that hard to believe” I heard myself say before I control the fact that I was thinking it. 

“Don’t be fooled by the cool demeanor because since that night Tommy became a changed person. If he’s your friend, then your family and he will do anything for family” Adam shared a small smile with me before continuing with his story. "He tried everything to get Sutan to forgive him, but he wouldn't budge. For months he begged, pleaded, bought him things, anything to make him see that Tommy was in love with him but none of that worked. It took Tommy walking into one of Raja's drag shows with nothing on but a cock ring and a leash to make her see that he was serious about their relationship. Its been five years and I still don't know what it was about that that made her change her mind, but they've been happy ever since. Enough talk about Sutan and Tommy, now its fun time for Adam and Kris"

"Well I like that idea" I leered at him playfully, not putting up a fight in the least when he pushed me onto my back before lying on top of me. I also did hesitate when he attacked my lips, kissing me in a way that was getting me hard and quickly. "Where...where's your bedroom?" I rushed out, making an attempt to push Adam off of the couch so we could rush to his room and finish what we started. 

"We're in it" He replied quickly, looking embarrassed as he pulled away and sat up. 

"What’s wrong?" I asked in confusion. 

"Nothing" he replied quickly although I knew he was lying. 

"Can we just lay here? It's been a really stressful day and I just want to relax and spend some time with you. Is that ok?" I questioned, unsure of how to react to the way he was acting. He just nodded, shifting in behind me. We lay there in silence for a short time, but I refused to let the mood be broken as turned about to face him. “I’m really happy you brought me here tonight” I spoke softly, laying my hand upon his chest. 

“You are?” He seemed completely surprised, which confused me even more because I really had no idea what was going on in his head. 

“If you haven’t figured it out by now I like spending time with you” I decided to be truthful, unsure about where we actually stood in our relationship or if we even had a relationship. 

“I like spending time with you too” He replied softly, the playfulness coming back to his eyes as he leaned forward and kissed me. I still had no idea what Adam was thinking but I didn’t harp on it as I closed my eyes, slide my free arm around his neck and surrendered to whatever he wanted to do to me.


	9. Chapter 9

“I hope you two didn’t have sex with my baby just down the hallway” I heard someone slur against my ear, crying out in pain when I jerked my head up to see who it was and slammed my forehead into something hard. “Fucking shit” The person sore, my swears joining his as I rubbed the sore spot on my head and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. “What are you trying to do blind me?” I heard Tommy groan from his place on the floor. 

“You scared the shit out of me” I rushed out, looking away from Tommy to see where Adam was, finding him sleeping heavily behind me. 

“Don’t worry, once he’s asleep he’s pretty much dead to the world” Tommy replied, groaning yet again as he pulled himself up off of the floor. “Are you ok?” He asked, looking at me through drunken eyes, but with a grin on his face. 

“Yeah…I’m good” I replied with my own grin. “Where’s Raja?” I asked, wiping the sleep from my eyes. 

“Keep your mitt’s off of my baby and you and I will be just fine” He said, his eyes a little bit tighter, but the grin still on his face. 

“Got it” Was my answer as I got up and stretched a bit. “I should probably go. It’s late and like you said he’s pretty much out for the night”

“Don’t break his heart” Tommy said matter of factly, the grin gone from his face altogether. “Adam’s my best friend and I love him like a Brother…” I watched as he hesitated, staring me straight in the eye before speaking again. “Just don’t break his heart” He repeated.

“I won’t” I assured; although I still had no idea why either one of them thought that Adam was going to be the one with the broken heart and not me.

"His last boyfriend was a douche bag and broke his heart. I don't want to see him go through that again"

"What happened?" I asked, dying to know about his previous boyfriend and why he was dumb enough to hurt him.

"He..." He began to explain, his lips pursing as Adam shifted behind me. 

"Kris..." Adam called my name sleepily, reaching out and tugging me backwards until my back was leaning against his stomach. "What are you doing?" He looked so cute as he looked up at me, half asleep, half awake. 

"I'm getting ready to go home" I smiled down at him, shifting sideways until I was facing him. 

"Why?" He looked genuinely confused, his hand snaking across my lap as he tried to tug me back down beside him. "Sleep" He murmured.

"It's getting really late and I have to work in a few hours" I explained, brushing a lock of hair off the side of his face. 

"Do you want some company?" He asked, sitting up and nuzzling my neck.

"It's late. Why don't you go back to sleep and I'll see you tomorrow night?" It was more of a question because we didn't have any plans but I was so hopeful that we would. 

"No...wanna come home with you" He whined against my neck causing me to giggle and Tommy to snort.

"Well let's go then" I whispered against his ear, secretly happy that he was coming home with me. 

"Goodnight Tommy" I nodded towards him, trying to control the smile threatening to overcome my face.

"Night Kitty" He grinned playfully at me, snorting again when Adam, who was still nestled within my neck, announced I was his Kitty. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do" He winked at me before he walked down the hallway towards what I assumed was his bedroom.

"Come on baby, let's go" I said, standing up as I took his hand and tugged him upwards. I knew I really should have let him stay on the couch, but I loved the idea of having him sleeping beside me in my own bed more. 

"I like it when you call me baby" He grinned goofily at me, leaning down to kiss me once he stood up. I had a goofy grin on my face as well as we headed off for my car. He was asleep the moment he put his seat belt on while I grinned like a fool the entire way to my place. 

"Mr. Allen can I speak to you for a moment?" Burt the doorman asked me as Adam and I walked into the lobby. 

"Sure" I replied. "I'll meet you at the elevator" I said to Adam, pushing him gently towards the elevator, following the doorman as he walked deeper into the lobby. "What can I do for you Burt?" I asked, trying not to convey my nerves, but my voice quivering a bit just the same. 

"I'm not really sure how to say this..." He hesitated for a moment, his cheeks reddening a little as he moved his head closer towards mine, his voice low. "I'm not sure if you know this but for security purposes we have a camera inside the car of the elevator and..."

"Oh my god" I rushed out, already knowing where he was going. 

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew when you moved in and I'm the only one who looks at the tapes so no one but me has seen them. I just wanted to make you and your boyfriend aware" He rushed out quickly, holding his hands up in a way that I guess was supposed to calm me. 

"He's not my boyfriend" I shot out automatically, regretting it the moment those words left my throat. "I'm...I mean..." I stammered like a loon, feeling almost ill as I tried to control my mounting nerves. However, I quickly realized that I wasn’t upset over the fact that Burt and probably the entire complex knew I was gay, but that fact that I really had no idea where Adam and I stood in terms of a relationship. .

"I don't judge Mr. Allen" He smiled at me and as I looked into his eyes I could see that he really didn't. "My Grandson is gay and I love his partner as if he were my own Grandson"

"Thank you Burt" I smiled at him, relieved that he really did seem to understand. 

"Have a good night Mr. Allen" He tipped his hat at me before going back to his post at the front door. 

"Good night Burt" I nodded back, walking over to where Adam was standing, looking more alert and very concerned. 

"Everything ok?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets like he did every time he wanted to touch me with others around. 

"Everything is fine" I smiled at him, taking his hand and leading him into the elevator.

"Everything didn't look fine to me Kris. In fact you looked like you were ready to throw up when you were talking to Burt" He called me on my lie, forcing me to turn and face him when I just stood beside him silently. "What's up?" I still didn't say anything as the elevator dinged once we hit the pent house area. "Kris..." I knew he wasn't going to let it go as we walked into the foyer. 

"Burt was just telling me that there are cameras in the elevators and..."

"They saw us messing around. Of course that freaked you out" He cut me off before I could continue, walking off towards the bedroom. 

"Adam, don't do that" I called out after him, sighing in defeat when he didn't respond. "Yes, it freaked me out a little bit, but you have to remember this is all new to me and..." I went on the moment that I entered the room and found him standing in front of the bathroom door. 

"I'm sorry, forget I said that" He cut me off again, looking ashamed about his outburst. "Let's just go to bed" Neither one of us said anything as we prepared for bed, the silence still surrounding us once we were settled under the covers and the lights were out. 

"Adam..." I said his name quietly, my heart beating a little faster at what I was about to ask him. 

"Yeah..."

"Are you my boyfriend?" I blurted out, my heart beating even quicker then before as I waited for him to respond. "I mean, are we dating?" He didn't say anything, but I felt his body stiffen next to mine and it gave me the answer I needed without him having to say a word. "Good night Adam" I said, rolling onto my side in the opposite direction he was lying. 

“I haven’t been seeing anyone else” I heard him say, but the tone to his voice didn’t do anything to relieve my embarrassment or my fear. “I’ve been spending all of my time with you and I keep telling myself its because I’m trying to be a good friend, to teach you how to be an out and proud gay man, but the truth is none of that’s true” I felt as if I had been slapped in the face, the air sucked from my lungs because it almost sounded as if Adam were using me. “No Kris…no” He grabbed onto my shoulder, forcing me onto my back, his eyes wide and full of something that I couldn’t quite make out. “That didn’t come out the way that I meant it” He seemed almost frantic, nervous in a way I had never seen him before. “The truth is that…” He hesitated for a moment, averting his eyes so I couldn’t read them. “The truth is that it’s more then that and I shouldn’t want to be your boyfriend because you’ve never been with any other men. I should want you to go out and experience other men, other experiences, but I don’t want any of that because…” He hesitated again and as afraid as I was to speak the words on the tip of my tongue they were out before I could even stop them. 

“You love me”

“You need to go out and experience more and, but…yes” He finally admitted, looking utterly terrified. 

“I love you too” I whispered, my breath catching in my throat because Adam truly looked like he was ready to bolt. 

“You can’t love me Kris. You need to experience more then just me. You need to fuck other men and enjoy that side of your life before you even consider settling down with anyone” He looked so scared and so sad that it broke my heart and made it sing all at the same time. 

“Adam…you can’t really think that I’m the type of person who wants to sleep around with different men. Sad and pathetic as this sounds, I’m just an old fashioned type of guy. Even when I was dating women I never slept around. I’ve always just wanted to fall in love with that one person I knew was the one for me and build a life with them” 

“You can’t know that I’m the one because…”

“I know” I stopped him from saying what he was about to say as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him with all the love and passion that I had been holding back since I had realized how much I had fallen in love with him. 

“This could fail miserably” He murmured against my lips. 

“Or it could be the best thing that every happened to us” I murmured back, kissing him again until we could hardly breath. “Make love to me Adam” I begged, breathing hard and heavy with want and need for the man I loved. He did my bidding after that, making love to me all night long and for the first time in the seven years that I had worked for my employer I took a sick day. We spent the entire day making love, napping in between and just talking about what we wanted out of our relationship. I was truthful with Adam, letting him know that I wasn’t ready to shout my gayness from the rooftops, but that if he was patient and understanding with me I promised to get there eventually. Of course my concern was just how long it would take for me to reach eventually.


	10. Chapter 10

“Let’s go out tonight” I heard Adam say as he toweled me off after having taken a shower together several weeks later after declaring our love to each other. 

“Where?” I asked, trying to suppress a grin because as fidgety as he was I knew that dancing was the only thing on his mind. 

“I want to go dancing” He confirmed and I couldn’t help but laugh at just how excited he sounded. 

“Ok” I replied quickly, my heart clenching happily at just how excited I was to go out with him. 

“Really?” He questioned, looking unsure. 

“What ever shall I wear?” I asked in an overly dramatic voice, winking at him over my shoulder as I walked back into my bedroom. 

“Well, personally I’d like you to wear as little as possible, but then that would mean that others would get to see what belongs to me and I don’t like that at all” He leered at me his eyes hungry as he racked them over my nearly naked body. 

“Possessive much?” I asked, pretending to be annoyed, but loving every second of it. 

“Totally” He shot back without remorse. 

“I love it and I love you” I countered, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close as he pressed his body against mine. 

“God Kitty…what have you done to me?” He growled playfully before capturing my lips in a bruising kiss. Two hours later after being fucked until I couldn’t see straight, Adam and I finally made it to the club.

We danced for hours, bodies pressed together, hardly aware that the dance floor was packed to capacity because nothing else mattered but the two of us. I had never felt as free and alive as I did then; thinking that nothing bad could ever happen in our little bubble. "You want to get out of here?" I heard Adam ask me as we continued to sway on the dance floor. 

"Yeah..." I replied quickly because I knew another bout of love making was coming my way. I was lost in dirty thoughts as he took my hand and led me towards the exit, not realizing he had stopped until I bumped into his shoulder. I could see that he was talking to someone, but I didn't think anything about it until I moved to Adam's side and found a familiar pair of brown eyes glaring at me.

"Oh my god" The man cried out, a grim look on his face and a look that could kill in his eyes. "This is the guy you've been telling me about?" I heard him question loudly, but I was finding it hard to concentrate much less breath as I tried to figure out why my personal and professional lives seemed to merging all of a sudden. 

"You know Kris?" He questioned loudly or it seemed loud to me. 

"This is my douche bag boss that I've been telling you about" I heard my personal secretary shout back, everything around me starting to weave before my eyes. I felt faint, the music surrounding us so loud within my ears that I felt as if my head was going to explode. I could see that Adam and Brad were still exchanging words, but I couldn't hear them as the panic took over and I ran like a bat out of hell out of the club. I didn't give Adam a chance to come after me as I jumped into my car and sped out of the parking lot so quickly that I almost took out a light pole in my rush to leave.

I don't know how I got home, my mind in full panic mode as I thought of all the horrible ways my life as I knew it was going to come to an end because Brad knew my secret. I held myself together until I reached the foyer of my apartment and then I completely fell apart. I paced, I cried, I panicked even more and then I started to drink. I drank so much that I was nearly comatose as I lay in the middle of my dining room, the vodka bottle still clutched within my fingers. “Is he dead?” I heard someone say, a blurry vision of what looked like a man wavering in front of me. 

“No…but he sure as fuck is going to feel like it in the morning” I heard another say before I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and then everything went dark. "What the fuck Kris?" I heard a pissed off voice scream as I rolled over on my side and tried not to vomit all over the place. "Did you hear me?"

"Stop screaming" I moaned, clutching my stomach as I looked around the room and found I was in my bedroom, lying on my bed. "Gotta throw up" I groaned, trying to get up, but only managed to roll half way across the bed before my stomach gave and I vomited all over my shirt and the floor. 

"Fucking Christ" Adam cried out, shoving his hands under my arm pits and jerking me upwards. My stomach lurched yet again, the vomit squishing through my fingers and down my chest as I covered my mouth with my hand in an attempt to stop it. I had tears in my eyes as Adam sat me on the floor next to the toilet. "If you have to throw up again do it in here" He hardly finished his sentence before I threw up all over the front of my shirt again because I just didn't have the energy to move. "Jesus Kristopher" Tears were pouring down my cheeks as he knelt before me. "We are going to talk about this" He wiped the tears away, kissing the top of my head before he began to undress me. I didn't say anything as I closed my eyes and allowed Adam to take care of me, the next thing I remembered was Adam whispering how much he loved me against my ear before I passed out yet again. 

When I woke up the next time Adam was lying behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my middle, his warm breath wafting across my ear. Closing my eyes I enjoyed the intimate feeling of being so close, still not sure what was going to happen once he woke up. I was still confused and petrified about seeing Brad at the club that night, trying to figure out what I was going to have to do to make him keep my secret. I did find myself thinking for a moment that maybe I shouldn't really worry if Brad outed me at work, but it only last for a second before the all out panic began to consume me once again. "Whatever horrible scenario you have playing out in that head of yours is not going to happen." I heard Adam's voice, the hold around my waist tightening when I tried to push myself away from him. "He's not going to say anything" He said a bit louder, curling his leg over my legs. 

"You don't know that. Let me go" I clawed at his arm, sliding away when I finally broke the lock he had on me. 

"He's not going to say anything" He cried out as I stood before the front of the bed, my head pounding so hard that I felt as if it was going to explode. 

“You don’t know that” I said again, trying to whisper, but the words sounded like a bullhorn right to my eardrum. “He hates me. He’s been looking for a reason to bring me down and now he’s found it” I didn’t have the energy to stand any longer as I fell to the floor, holding my head in my hands as I tried to will that pounding away. 

“And I thought I was the drama queen in this relationship” I heard him sigh, not bothering to respond as he walked over to were I was a lumped mess on the floor. I didn’t even bother to argue when he picked me up and walked me back to the bed, handing me a glass of water and some pain medicine. “He’s not going to say anything because I’ve asked him not too. I’ve known Brad for a long time and he gave me his word that he wouldn’t and as flighty and bitchy as that boy can be, when he gives his word you can trust in it” There was something on Adam’s face that I couldn’t quite read and the fact was that I didn’t want to as I took the pills he gave me, sipping some of the water before handing the glass back to him and then curling into a ball. I felt Adam stand there for a long time, expecting him to say something, but instead of words I heard the closing of the bedroom door. I wanted to cry because I was sure that Adam had decided to leave me and my closeted ass, but I was feeling to sick and exhausted to cry as I closed my eyes and fell asleep once again. 

When I woke up again I had less of a headache, but my stomach felt as if someone had danced a jig on it all night. I felt as if I was going stir crazy as I continued to lie there in bed, the panic seeming to be gone for the moment, replaced by an aching heart because I was sure that Adam was gone. Slowly, I climbed out of bed and dragged my sorry ass into the living room, nearly having a heart attack as I went to fall onto the couch and found Adam already lying on it. “Why are you still here?” I cried out in shock, moving away from him so fast that I lost control of my legs and fell backwards over the coffee table. 

“Are you done trying to kill yourself Kristopher?” Adam rushed out, jerking me off of the floor and tossing me onto the couch so fast that I felt as if I was going to vomit yet again. 

“Not trying to kill myself” I mumbled, curling into the couch as much as I could because as happy as I was to see that Adam was still there, he was kind of pissing me off the way he was talking to me. 

“Really…you drank an entire bottle of Vodka in the twenty minutes it took for Brad and I to get here”

“You let Brad into my house?” I roared, regretting it immediately. 

“Well someone had to drive me here when you ran out of the club like some fucking lunatic” He countered, angrier then I had ever seen him in the short time that I had known him

“I just panicked” I explained, shrugging my shoulders in defeat because I really didn’t have the energy to do much else. 

“I know you did, but there really was no need for it” He held up his hand when I made an attempt to speak. “I know Brad hates you but you just have to have some faith in me” 

“I do. I love you” I hiccupped, curling deeper into my ball because for the first time in my life I felt weak and so fucking stupid. 

“And I love you” He sat down next to me, tugging me until I was leaning against his side, his arm wrapped protectively around me. “I know your scared Kris, but you have to promise me that you’re not going to do something like this every time you get panicked about someone finding out you are gay. I may love you, but I’m taking a huge leap of faith that you are going to eventually come out of the closet altogether” I went to speak but he cut me off again. “I’m not saying that it has to be today or tomorrow or even six months from now, just that it will happen. Can you promise that to me?” He was looking right into my eyes and as afraid as I was about that very thing I found myself saying yes just the same.


	11. Chapter 11

Adam spent the rest of the weekend with me, where I showed him over and over again just how much I loved him. By the time Monday rolled around I was a nervous mess, trying to hide it from Adam but failing tremendously. "I don't know why you're so nervous" He grinned at me as he laid under the covers as I rushed around the room like a chicken with my head cut off while getting ready for work. 

"He's going to make my day a living hell isn't he?" I asked, stopping for a moment to look at Adam before I went in search of a tie to match my shirt. 

"Pretty much" He replied with another grin, looking far too sexy for words. 

"Great, something to look forward too" I sighed, going to walk away but Adam had other ideas as he grabbed my hand and tugged me onto the bed. 

"Then call in sick" He spoke against my neck, nipping and licking at it until a moan escaped through my lips. 

"I can't" I moaned again, louder that time as his hand cupped my cock through my dress pants. 

"Yes you can" He bit at my neck again, causing me to cry out in pleasure.

"I really can't" I whined, pushing him away when all I wanted to do was give into everything he wanted to do to me. "I have a meeting first thing this morning and then I have to meet with some potential clients after that and then..."

"Ok ok...go" Adam laughed kissing the hell out of me before he pushed me off of the bed, swatting me on the butt as he did. 

"Will I see you tonight?" I asked, shrugging on my suit jacket. 

"I have two shows tonight so I might get out pretty late" He said, sitting up. "I think I might just go back to Tommy and Sutan’s afterwards since you have to work tomorrow"

"I wouldn't mind" I said, looking at him shyly because I really hated the idea of not having Adam sleeping beside me. "I've actually been wanting to give you a key so you could come and go as you please" I could feel the blush race up from my neck into my cheeks as I found fascination with the floor. "You could even bring some of your stuff over...or all of it" I mumbled, running my big toe across the carpet as I ventured a look at him.

"What?" He asked, a look of shock on his face. "It's too soon for that don't you think?" He questioned, not even giving me a chance to answer him. "I mean I don't mind but..."

"You're cute when you ramble" I smiled wide, leaning over and kissing him quickly. "It's probably way too soon and all your friends are going to tell you that you're crazy, but I love the idea of knowing that you are going to be lying beside me every night. I love the idea that we are going to be sharing a space" I laid my hand gently on the side of his face, gazing deeply into his eyes because I wanted him to know that I meant those words. 

"You may regret this" He whispered, looking shy and unsure and so damned cute that I couldn't help but kiss him again. 

"Trust me I never regret one single moment that I spend with you" I smiled happily, kissing him again because when it came to kissing Adam I could never get enough. "So does that mean you'll move in?" I questioned against his lips, kissing him yet again.

"If you want me" He beamed up at me, looking so happy and in love that it took my breath away. 

"Oh baby...I always want you" I supplied, not even putting up a fight when he ripped the jacket from my body, tossing it over my shoulder before pinning me to the bed.

"You’re late" Brad growled at me as I rushed by his desk. "They’ve already called down here four times looking for you" I wanted to panic over Brad and what had happened over the weekend but I didn't have time because my lateness was due to Adam nearly fucking me through the mattress not once but twice. "I told them that your car broke down on the freeway and that is why you are late. Oh don't think I'm doing this for any other reason than the fact that if you get fired they'll probably replace you with someone worse than you are" He continued to bicker, running behind me as I ran for the elevator. "Oh and Kris..." He hindered the elevator doors from closing with his hands. "Don't think that you and I won't be having a little chat before the end of the day" He glared at me before removing his hands and allowing the door to finally close. 

The meeting was a glorified mess after rushing in over an hour late and it only seemed to get worse once I realized I had left my briefcase home and it contained the information I needed for the presentation I was expected to give. The board members were outraged as they exited the boardroom, the president of the company asking me to stay behind. "In all the years you've been an executive I've not once ever seen you unprepared for a presentation" He began, sitting at the head of his large desk just staring at me. "I have to say that I'm a little shocked and disappointed Mr. Allen" I felt two feet tall as he continued to stare at me in a way that was making me more then a little uncomfortable. "Your secretary told us you had some car trouble" He paused for a moment still looking at me as if he knew the real reason I was late. "You may want to go into the restroom and check your neck, you may find some oil or something there" I winced as I reached up and touched the spot on my neck he was speaking about, not only from the slight burn it caused me when I touched it but because I knew he knew the story Brad told him was a lie. "I expect this will not happen again Mr. Allen"

"No sir" I replied quietly, feeling horrible for letting the man who I looked up to and respected down. 

"Let's hope not. There are huge things in store for you as long as you stay on course" I watched as he left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my confusion.

The rest of my day only got worse in that my meeting with a new potential client went anything but smoothly. I was still flustered over being late for my meeting earlier that morning and the warning I had received from the president. By the time I got back to the offic I was in no mood to deal with anyone as I locked myself in my office and tried to figure out everything that was swirling through my mind. "I don't want to be disturbed" I said to Brad when he sauntered through the door a few hours later. He didn't say anything nor did he heed my words as he sat down in the leather chair in front of my desk and just stared at me. "Whatever you have to say just say it" I rushed out, trying to control the tremble in my voice. He still said nothing, just continued to stare at me in a way that was really creeping me out and setting my nerves on edge.

"I would have never pegged you for a lover of dick. A small minded dick head, but never a lover of dick" He blurted out without a bat of an eye as I sat before him wide eyed and opened mouth. "Close your mouth Kristopher. I've been your secretary for four years and I'm sure you've heard worse come out of this mouth"

"I've never heard anything like that come out of your mouth" I denied, closing my open mouth as I waited for the bomb to drop.

"Really...well maybe I was just thinking it in my head, or saying it behind your back" He replied like he was talking about the weather and not bad mouthing his boss. 

"Whatever you have to say won't change the way that Adam feels about me" I blurted out, not feeling as brave as those words sounded. The fact of the matter was that I didn't know the true history between Adam and Brad, but something told me that there was a huge possibility that with one word Brad could end the relationship between the two of us.

"You sure about that?" I could tell he was mocking me, but I didn't say anything. "You're not good enough for him" His voice grew lower, more serious, his eyes growing darker. "You may have money and a nice car but you as a person are not good enough for Adam"

"I love him" I stated simply because no matter how confused I was about my relationship with Adam and how it would flow with my work relationship there was no denying that I truly was in love with him.

"Doesn't mean your the right person for him...that you're not going to hurt him" There was something in Brad's demeanor and his eyes that changed, something that almost looked like regret before it disappeared and he was sneering at me again.

"You're the one that broke his heart. The one Raja and Tommy were telling me about" I concluded, knowing I was correct by the way Brad's entire body flinched before he tried to pull himself back together again.

"Raja would say anything to protect Adam and Tommy's just a big brut who has hated me from the moment he met me" Brad spat, pouting at me in a way that made me want to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation. 

"What happened? Why did you let him go?" I asked, knowing that I was pushing my luck with him but I was dying to know why he would have even considered giving up someone as amazing as Adam.

"He let me go" Was his reply, so soft and so sad and so unlike Brad. 

"I'm sorry" I said, although I wasn’t really sorry because if they hadn't broken up then Adam and I wouldn't have ever met. 

"I'm sure" He replied quickly, the glare back. "It was for the best…for Adam at least" He continued to speak. "I was so in love with him but I was young and I wanted to play and have fun while he was ready to settle down and think about a future between the two of us. I wasn't ready for marriage and the white picket fence and so the fighting began. We would fight over the same thing over and over again and then one night I got drunk and cheated on him and then it was just over"

"I'm sorry" I said again for lack of anything better to say. 

"He forgave me because that's what he does" He was back to glaring at me from across my desk. "And he'll forgive you too when you fuck him over"

"That's not going to happen" I cried out, slamming my fist on the desk because I had no idea who the hell he thought he was to talk to me like that. "I'm not you. I'm ready for marriage and the white picket fences" My mouth kept running because I felt I had to defend myself. 

"Really?" He asked with a wicked looking grin on his face.

"Yes...really" I shot back, shooting him my own dirty look because I was beyond annoyed and about two steps from firing his insubordinate ass.

"You planning to do that from your closet?" He said with such a sneer that it actually brought a sting of tears to my eyes. "Shit...fuck...I'm sorry" He rushed out as I found fascination with the top of my desk. 

"I'm trying you know" I ventured a glance at him, noticing that he actually did seem sorry for what he had said. "I never thought in a millions years that I would find someone like Adam, someone that I could love, that I could share a life with. But I can't lie and say that those things don't scare the shit out of me because I had pretty much expected to be alone for the rest of my life"

"What kind of life would that be for you?" He asked, looking genuinely perplexed. "I don't understand how you can let the fear of others knowing you're gay stop you from trying to find happiness"

"You don't know anything about me" I got defensive for a second but it didn't last long because something told me that Brad may not have known me but that he probably did know what I was going though. 

"If they can't really accept you for who you are then they don't deserve to be in your life" He shrugged as if it was the simplest answer in the world. .

"It's not that easy" I spoke loudly as I watched him get up and stand before my desk.

"No its not" He replied staring me down once again. "But sadly it’s a right of passage for every gay man. He returned quickly heading towards the door. 

"Brad wait..." I cried out, him stopping and turning to face me. "You've been my secretary for four years and you've hated me from almost the beginning...why?"

I watched many emotions cross his face before he spoke. "I didn't hate you at the beginning you know" He began. "When I first started here you were so great to work for. You were always so nice when I was training. You always gave me lots of praise and didn’t treat me like any of the other executives by acknowledging me in the morning when you came in and again when you left at night, but then that started to change after I introduced you to my boyfriend"

I didn't say anything for a long while, recalling the day that Brad's boyfriend brought him lunch and I being the coward that I was started avoiding Brad after that. Of course back then I avoided everything associated with anything being gay out of fear that someone might figure out my secret. "You're right. I did that" I admitted feeling like the biggest piece of shit ever. 

"Its not all you did" He cried out before I could say anything else. Every year I've watched you give all the ladies in the secretarial pool a bouquet of flowers every secretaries day and what did I get...NOTHING" He yelled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me harder then I had ever seen him glare at me before. "I may be a man but I'm your personal secretary and not once did I ever receive anything for my hard work, not even a thank you".

"I know" I replied, putting my head down in shame. 

"We're friends now and I expect you to remedy that" I was speechless as I watched him flounce out of my office. "Oh and Kristopher...I'm taking the rest of the day off...with pay" He grinned at me as he poked his head back in through the door. 

"Deal" I called out after him, not knowing if he heard me but already knowing it wouldn't have mattered if he had. I muddled through the rest of my day, walking into my empty home several hours later hoping and praying that Adam was going to use his key and join me in bed once his shows were over later that night. 

My evening was uneventful as I ate my dinner alone in front of the TV and then went to bed and read for a while before feeling sleepy enough to fall asleep. I couldn't help but feel lonely for Adam as I laid my head on the pillow he had slept on that morning, falling asleep right away. 

I woke up several hours later to Adam sneaking into the bedroom, walking directly to the bathroom where he proceeded to take a quick shower. I couldn't help but smile as I snuggled deeper into the pillow, the lull of the water from the shower luring me back towards sleep. "Hey..." I snuffled over my shoulder as he slid into bed behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist as he placed a kiss against my neck. 

"Sorry...wasn't trying to wake you" He whispered, kissing my neck again. "Go back to sleep. I love you".

"Love you" I murmured, curling into Adam's body and falling asleep with a content smile on my face.


	12. Chapter 12

Adam moved into my apartment over the next few days and I it made me smile like a loon every time that I saw something of his mixed within my household items. I loved every second of living with Adam, both of us so happy with our arrangement, but the dark cloud of my denying who I was to the world still lingering over us. He pretended that it didn’t bother him, but I just had to look into his eyes each time a situation came up to see that he wasn’t telling me the truth. I hated that I still hadn’t found the nerve to come out to my friends and family, but what I hated the most was the fact that because of my cowardice Adam was forced to hide and lie about himself as well. In one aspect I had gotten braver because I allowed myself to go out in public more often with Adam, but when we were out I refused to let him touch me. Adam was a very affectionate person and I knew it hurt him and yet when out in public I continued to treat him as only a friend. 

“Kris…” I heard Adam whisper my name as he nuzzled my ear late one night after making love. 

“Mmmm…I murmured, curling into his body sleepily.

“You know Thanksgiving is coming up next week and we’ve been dating for some time now and all of my friends have met you, but my family hasn’t” He began, sounding so nervous and unsure as I turned around to face him. 

“Are you inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner?” I asked, trying to keep the smirk off of my face at the blush racing across his freckled cheeks. 

“Well…no not really” He replied, still looking nervous but for what I guessed was another reason then what I thought. 

“Oh…you’re just letting me know that you’re going to be with your family for Thanksgiving” I surmised, trying to hide my upset over spending another Thanksgiving alone. 

“Yes…” He nodded his head in reply, relief filling his eyes as he smiled down at me. 

“I’m sure you’ll have a good time” I returned the smile, leaning up and kissing him quickly before rolling onto my side because I didn’t want him to see the tears glistening in my eyes. 

“Wait…what?” He cried out, sounding confused as he forced me onto my back. 

“You know you don’t have to ask for permission to spend time with your family” I shot out with more anger then I intended as I sat up and tried to leave our bed. 

“What the fuck Kris?” He shot back, pushing me back down. “I’m trying to tell you that Raja and Tommy are having Thanksgiving at their house this year and they’ve invited the two of us, but I also wanted to let you know that my family is going to be there. I want us to go but I wasn’t sure how you would react to meeting my family since we haven’t been seeing each other very long” He looked like a small child as he sat beside me with a frightened look on his face as he waited for me to speak. 

“You want me to meet your family?” I asked, the tears still in my eyes but for a completely different reason that time. 

“I’ve wanted you to meet them for some time now but I wasn’t sure how you were going to react to it since you haven’t come out to your family” He began to explain. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or feel as if I was pushing you” He continued to explain.

“I’d love to meet your family Adam” I replied softly, actually excited and honored that he wanted me to meet them because it felt to me as if our relationship was moving onto another important level. 

“You would?” He asked, beaming from ear to ear and he leaned down and kissed me hungrily. “Thank fuck because my Mom has been bugging the shit out of me since I told her that I was dating someone” He laughed, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tightly. “I can’t wait for you to meet her Kitty because she’s going to love you just as much as I do” I heard him speak against my ear, a feeling of dread starting to ebb away in my stomach because as excited as I was to meet his Mother, I had a feeling that I was going to be having a conversation with her similar to the one I’d had with Raja. 

“Hello son…” I heard my Mother’s happy voice on the phone the morning of Thanksgiving as I sat in the living room while Adam got dressed. 

“Hey Mama…Happy Thanksgiving” I said, smiling at the noises I heard in the background. 

“Happy Thanksgiving to you as well” She replied, sounding rushed as I leaned into the cushion of the couch and recalled previous holidays when I’d been home and how frenzied she always was as she cooked enough food to feed our entire small town. I hadn’t been home in several years because as much as I loved spending the holidays with my family I found myself afraid, almost bitter about doing it while still keeping my sexuality a secret from them. I knew it was a stupid reason and that I was actually making myself suffer more than they were since I usually sat home alone while they had all of the family with them, but it was how I felt and so I remained in California. “So what are you big plans since you couldn’t be bothered to spend turkey day with your family yet again Kristopher?” There was a light teasing to her voice, but I knew it upset her that I wasn’t there. 

“I’m spending Thanksgiving with a special someone” I replied with a smile, trying to be as vague as possible. 

“A special someone” She cried out in a giddy voice. “Why haven’t you told me about her and why are the two of you not here meeting the family?” My smiled disappeared as her playful banter continued because despite the fact that she didn’t know I was gay it still hurt that she assumed my special someone was a woman. “I’m so happy for you son and your Father and I can’t wait to meet her”

“Yeah…I can’t wait for you to meet her either” I mumbled, closing my eyes only to open them a moment later to find Adam standing in front of me with an unhappy frown upon his face. “I have to go Mama” I said quickly as Adam started to walk out of the room. “Tell everyone Happy Thanksgiving and I’ll call you later” I didn’t give her a chance to respond as I ended the call and went in search of my boyfriend. “You look very nice” I said from the doorway of our room as I watched him checking himself in the mirror. “Look…I know you heard what I said but when I told her that I was spending the day with someone special she just assumed it was a woman” I tried to defend myself, but I could already see that he wasn’t having it. 

“Well you sure as hell didn’t try and correct her did you?” He asked, staring at me through the mirror. 

“Adam please…” I sighed because I didn’t want to fight with him before I was supposed to meet his Mother and Brother for the first time. 

“We need to go or we are going to be late” He replied roughly, checking himself in the mirror once again before turning to face me. “Look…I get it” He said, the look on his face alerting me to the fact that he really didn’t. “I just hope that after you talk to my Mother that you’ll see that although coming out to your family isn’t easy it’s an important part of being a gay man and there’s a good chance that they won’t react the way you think that they will” 

“After I talk to your Mom?” I questioned, my guard up because that previous statement sounded suspicious. “Did you really want me to meet your family because it’s a holiday tradition or did you want me to meet her so she can somehow convince me to come out to my own family?” I didn’t wait for him to answer as I turned heel and stormed out of the room in a furious huff.

“I just thought that it might be a perfect opportunity to talk to her so she can give you a parents perspective on what it’s like when a child comes out to them” I heard him say as he followed me. I refused to look at him because as much as I knew he was trying to help me I was embarrassed and hurt because I felt a little bit ganged up upon. 

“You said that she was dying to meet me” I whispered, my voice heavy as I swallowed down the tears pricking my eyes. 

“She was…she is” He cried out, grabbing my arm and forcing me to turn and face him. “She’s been begging me for months to bring you over so she could meet you, even threatening to track me down here when I didn’t give in right away”

“But she knows that I haven’t come out to my parents and she wants to talk to me?” I asked for clarification. 

“I’ve always been very close to my Mother, Kris and I don’t keep anything from her. I’ve told her all about you and how much you mean to me. She’s a huge gay advocate…she always has been and it’s just in her nature to want to help you. She doesn’t…we don’t mean anything by it” He corrected himself. “I just want you to see that even though it’s scary as fuck to come out to your family you will survive it even if they don’t accept you” I wanted to argue and remind him about his coming out to his family because he had told me about it often enough that I knew it by heart. He’d been lucky in that his family had already suspected him to be gay long before he accepted it himself and that his Mother was the one that approached him instead of Adam approaching her. I just kept my mouth shut, biting my tongue as Adam pulled me into his arms and held me close. 

No words were spoken as we drove to Tommy and Sutan’s house, Adam shooting worried glances as me from time to time. “Are you going to speak to me at all today?” He finally broke the silence as we pulled up in front of their house. I didn’t say anything, knowing that I was acting like a spoiled child but my feelings were hurt and I was just plain pissed. “Kris…come on please stop acting like this” 

I couldn’t believe that he sounded so pissed as I turned to face him. “Stop acting like this?” I repeated, annoyed beyond belief at his gal. “You know Adam I was actually looking forward to meeting your Mother today, but then you had to go and ruin it by letting me know that this was almost like an intervention instead of your boyfriend meeting your Mother for the first time” 

“Intervention…really Kris?” He cried out in anger. “I never said this was a fucking intervention” His hands were flying everywhere and I knew I had pushed my luck with him but I didn’t care because I was pissed that he just didn’t seem to understand. 

“Your Mother is in there waiting to talk to me about coming out to my parents. You said you tell her everything, so I’m sure that she’s dying to meet the twenty five year old man who is still hiding in the closet and dragging her out and proud gay son back in with him” I yelled, regretting the words the moment they came out of my mouth at the look of shock and hurt on Adam’s face. 

“She only wanted to meet the man that I had fallen in love with” He sounded so sad that it broke my heart. “She didn’t have an agenda Kris. She was willing to talk to you if you wanted to talk about it but it isn’t like she’s sitting in there waiting to pounce on you the moment you walked in the door. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea” He went on as he opened the door and got out of the car. “Maybe it’s too soon to meet my family and…” He didn’t say anything for a moment as he looked over at the house before turning to face me once again. “Maybe you should just go home” He didn’t wait for me to respond as he slammed the passenger door and jogged onto the front porch of the house. I was too stunned to do much of anything as I watched him turn and look at me one more time before he entered the house and closed the front door behind him. I sat there for a moment just staring at the front door in expectance of Adam to come back out and ask me to come in, but the door remained closed and then my anger kicked in as I hit the gas and sped away. I had no idea where I was going as I continued to just drive straight ahead. My mind was clouded and confused as I ignored everything else around me, including the cop car that pulled up behind me siren blaring and lights flashing.


	13. Chapter 13

"You want to explain to me where you are going in such an all fired rush?" I heard the officer ask when I finally pulled over, still so frustrated and pissed off at Adam. "You been drinking tonight sir?" He continued to question me as I continued to ignore him as I handed him my license. "I said have you been drinking tonight sir?"

"Do I look like I've been fucking drinking?" I raged, not giving a shit that he was an officer of the law in the least. "If you must know I was on my way home...happy"

"Step out of the car sir" The officer said calmly but I could see the agitation in his eyes.

"For what?" I yelled, slamming my fist on the staring wheel.

"He said get out of the car sir" I heard another officer speak as I looked up and found him glaring at me as well.

"This is bullshit" I cried out, shoving the car door open so hard and so fast that it caught the first officer off guard and knocked him to the ground. Before I knew what was going on I was in a pair of handcuffs and being shoved towards the police car. I went absolutely silent as they read me my rights before shoving me into the back seat of the car. I began to panic then because I had no idea who I was going to call to come and bail me out because I refused to call Adam. Matt and Cale were both spending the holidays with their families and in truth since I had started dating Adam I had kind of been ignoring them.

"You get one phone call" I heard another officer say through the bars several hours after I had been arrested. I had decided that my best bet was to call Brad even though I knew he was going to make me pay.

“Brad Bell…personal secretary to the biggest douche bag on the planet. How can I help you” I heard him say when he answered the phone and I knew right then and there that Adam had already told him what had happened. 

“Brad...I need your help” I ignored the sarcastic greeting, hoping and praying that I didn’t waste my phone call. 

“I don’t think so Kristopher. Last time I checked this was a holiday and also my day off and therefore I don’t have to help you” He replied with a sneer. 

“I’m in jail and I need you to bail me out” I ignored him once again because I could tell by the way the officer was looking at me my phone time was growing short “Don’t tell Adam” I ground out because I knew that Brad was at Sutan’s and Tommy place. 

“What do you mean you’re in fucking jail?” He yelled so loud that I had to pull the phone away from my ear, the officer glaring at me once again. 

“Kris…Kris…are you ok?” I heard Adam’s concerned voice next. “What the fuck happened….are you ok?” He was yelling and almost frantic and all I wanted to do was cry because I knew that this could have all been prevented if I hadn’t acted like such a fucking spoiled brat. “Kris…baby…you’re scaring me. Are you ok?” 

“I’m ok” I croaked, turning away from the officer because I didn’t want him to see me cry. “Can you just please come and get me?” I asked, my voice low and wavering because I truly was on the verge of losing it. 

“I’m on my way baby. I’ll be there in a flash…just hold on ok” 

“Ok…” I replied, handing the phone back to the officer before I was led back into the cell they were holding me in. 

I knew they were there before I even saw them at the loud ruckus coming from down the hallway; Brad’s voice the loudest of them all. “Just let him out of the fucking cell” I heard him yell as he Adam, Sutan and Tommy burst into the small area I was being held in. “What the fuck Kristopher?” He turned his yelling towards me as the officer started to unlock the door. 

“I’m only doing this because it’s you” He said to Adam before he opened the door. “I should have figured he was one of your boys” He laughed but it sounded almost fake as he looked at Adam in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable. 

“I’m so sorry baby” I cried out, rushing up to Adam throwing my arms around his neck before pulling him down for a kiss. He seemed shocked for a moment but it didn’t last long as he pulled me into his body and held me tightly. “I’m so sorry Adam. I love you…I’m sorry” I rushed out because I wanted that jerk to know that I was Adam’s only boy and besides that I really was sorry for how stupid I had acted. 

“I love you too Kitty” He beamed down at me with such love and happiness in his eyes before his kissed my breath away. 

“Assaulting an officer Kristopher…really?” I heard Brad’s voice behind me but I didn’t care as I just continued to lose myself in everything that was Adam. It seemed to take forever before I was released, Brad reminding me over and over again that I owed him and I owed him big because he had somehow convinced the officers to lose the paperwork on my arrest, but I think that it had more to do with Adam then Brad as that same officer continued to stare at him with nothing but pure lust in his eyes

.

“Would you care to tell me how the hell you ended up getting arrested after you drove off?” Adam questioned as he and I sat in the backseat of Brad’s car because I couldn’t pick mine up from the impound lot because of the holiday. 

“Did you sleep with that officer?” I asked, already knowing that he had by the way he and Brad locked eyes through the rearview mirror. I didn’t know why it bothered me as much as it did as I slumped against the window feeling more exhausted and worn out then I had ever felt in my life. 

“I’m still waiting for an answer as to how you got yourself arrested after picking a fight with Adam in the car?” Brad belted out in true Brad fashion, flinching in pain when Sutan reached over and smacked him on the arm. 

“Hit me again bitch and you won’t have use of that hand anymore” He threatened playfully, but I could tell by the look on Tommy’s face that he took it another way.

“Talk to him like that again and you’ll have more than a playful slap to deal with” Tommy roared, but I didn’t hear anything else after that as I looked over at Adam and found him smiling at me. 

“What?” I asked because honestly I couldn’t think of any reason for him to be smiling due to the whole fucked up situation of the day. 

“You kissed me and told me you love me in front of complete strangers” He responded with an even bigger smile as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace. “I don’t know how you manage to piss me off so bad and then make me love you even more…but you do it” He continued to speak as I felt him smile yet again against the top of my head. “Yet another step Kitty. Pretty soon we’re going to work our way up into holding hands and kissing in public and then we are going to tell your parents” I didn’t say anything as I closed my eyes and snuggled deeper into his warmth because as confidant he was in my eventually coming out, I didn’t feel anywhere near ready. The truth of the matter was that my body was on auto-pilot at the way the officer was looking at him as if he wanted to devour him alive. It was as if I was staking my claim on Adam, but at the same time I felt as if my life was starting to crumble out of control as well. 

“I don’t think I can go in there” I whispered against Adam’s chest as we continued to sit in the backseat of the car in front of Tommy and Sutan’s house. “You’re Mom has to think that I am a total loser and not anywhere good enough for her son” I wanted to cry at just how much I believed those words to be true. 

“I’m not going to lie to you and say that she doesn’t have the same concerns as everyone else does, but she knows how much I love you and that has to be enough for her right now” Adam replied, pulling back and looking down at me with so much love in his eyes that it made me want to cry yet again. 

“I’m so sorry for what I said to you earlier. I acted like such a jerk and it had nothing to do with you and your Mother and everything to do with my insecurities” I admitted, hanging my head in shame because I couldn’t bear to look at him. 

“And that is one of the reasons that I love you” He forced me to look up at him. “We’re going to get there Kris. I know we’re going to stumble and fall along the way and we may even lose our tempers from time to time but as long as we keep speaking the truth we will get though it in the end” Again I was speechless as he leaned down and kissed me, a knock on the window forcing us apart. “My Mom…” He chuckled as I looked through the window and found a woman that looked so much like Adam staring back at me that there was no denying who she was. “Deep breaths Kitty…she means you no harm” He laughed when my entire body tensed up beside him. 

“You…go inside and finish cleaning up the dishes” She pointed at Adam as he started to exit the car. “And you…stay right there” She pointed at me next before turning her attention towards her son. “He’ll be alright” She assured, speaking in a Motherly voice that made me miss my own Mother despite everything that was going on in my life. My heart was racing as she climbed into the spot Adam had just vacated, her eyes practically boring into my own as if she could read my mind. “Well you are cute I’ll give him that” She said, causing me to blush like crazy as she continued to look at me. “Leila Lambert and you are Kris Allen and now that introductions have been made let’s talk” 

“Ok…” Was all I could mutter in response as I waited for her to tell me just how much of a loser she thought I was. 

“I can tell this has been very hard on you” She began, speaking in such a kind and caring manner that it made me miss my Mother once again. “I know it can’t be easy dating someone like Adam who is so out and in your face when it comes to his sexuality” I had no idea how to respond to that as I continued to look up at her. “I’m not blaming my son for anything. I’m just saying that I can understand how hard it can be to be with someone like Adam who is so open about his sexuality”

“It’s been a little hard, but it’s not because of Adam or anything” I blurted out dumbly, folding my hands in my lap and staring at them because I had no idea what I wanted to say. 

“Did he tell you that he was eighteen before he finally came out to me and honestly I think that the only reason he did at that time was because I pretty much forced him too” She said, leaning back into the seat with a patient look on her face.. “We all suspected he was gay and despite the fact that we have always been liberal in our ideas he was terrified to tell us” She continued when I still didn’t speak. “I guess what I am trying to say is I know that it’s scary coming out to your family but honestly Kris most parents know or at least suspect when you do” 

“I want to tell them but I’m just so afraid” I blurted out, finding myself in a comforting and Motherly hug when Adam’s Mother wrapped her arms around me. 

“I know you are and I’m not trying to push you” She assured in such a loving tone that it once again brought tears to my eyes. “I’m just saying that when you do even if they don’t accept you, you will survive. You have Adam and I and this huge and crazy family of ours here for you if you need us”

“Thank you” I sniffled, closing my eyes and inhaling her Motherly scent. 

“What the fuck Mom? You made him cry” I heard Adam cry out as I opened my eyes and found him peering in through the window. “Are you ok?” He asked as he reached in and grabbed my hand, tugging me until I took the hint and climbed out of the car. 

“I’m fine” I replied, giggling despite the situation. “Your Mother is amazing” I smiled up at her as she climbed out of the back seat as well. “Thank you” I mouthed, my cheek pressed against his chest as he pulled me into his arms. 

“Welcome” She mouthed back with a wink before heading inside. 

“I’m sorry about earlier” I sighed, looking up at him but not relinquishing my spot on his chest. 

“Oh we are going to talk about this some more Kitty, but right now we are going to go inside and enjoy the rest of the holiday with our family” I could only smile as he walked us towards the house because I knew despite how fucked up the day at started out that it was going to be ok in the end. 

Sutan pulled me out of Adam’s grasp the moment I walked into the house, shoving me onto a chair at the dining room table before placing an over loaded plate in front of me. I didn’t hesitate to dig in because at that moment I realized just how hungry I was and everything tasted and smelled so amazing. I listened as Leila and Sutan talked about the latest break through skin remedy, while Adam and Tommy argued over whom was the greatest band of all time, Adams Brother Neil, adding his two cents from time to time. It all felt so right as I closed my eyes and savored the moment, missing my own family so much that it made me want to cry. When I opened my eyes I found Brad looking at me in a way that was extremely unsettling but I didn’t harp on it as Adam tugged me out of my chair once I had finished eating and dragged us into the living room.


	14. Chapter 14

Adam and I never did talk about what had happened between us that day and for a while I allowed myself to believe that everything was fine. Life went on as it had, where I was still constantly petrified about anyone finding out that Adam was more than my friend and he pretended like it didn’t bother him. However, I knew it was affecting him and yet I just continued to pretend like it wasn’t because it was easier to pretend then to deal with the real world. We managed to get through Christmas and New Years without another incident like we had during Thanksgiving, but a week into the New Year I received a surprise that pretty much started the downward spiral of my relationship with Adam. 

“So are you going to tell me what you have planned for my birthday?” I heard Adam ask me the two of us walking into the foyer of my apartment complex, a question he had been asking me every day for nearly a week after I let it slip that I had a huge surprise in store for him. 

“No…you just have to wait until it gets closer to your birthday” I teased, trying to keep the giddy grin off of my face because the truth was that I was dying to tell him.

“You are such an evil Kitty” He pouted, but I could tell me was enjoying the suspense by the twinkle in his eyes. “You know what I do to evil Kitty’s don’t you?” He questioned playfully, as he slid up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as we waited for the elevator to come down to the main floor. 

“No…what?” I asked as I leaned back, my breath catching in my throat and my dick growing hard at what he said next. 

“I fuck the evil right out of them” He teased against my ear before he began nipping at it. 

“Kris…” I heard a familiar voice say my name, my eyes growing huge as my breath caught in my throat. 

“Daniel” I whispered my Brother’s name as I turned my heard and found him standing awkwardly before us. I almost forgot how to breathe as I shoved Adam away from me as if he had the plague, my mouth opening and closing like a fish as we all continued to stand there in uncomfortable silence. 

“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to just drop in here on you unexpectedly” I heard him say, but I still couldn’t move out of stone cold fear of what he had seen. 

“Nonsense” Adam cried out with over the top politeness as he rushed over towards my Brother with his hand outstretched. “Adam Lambert…one of Kris’s best friends” He lied, turning to look at me briefly before turning his attention back towards Daniel. 

“Daniel Allen….Kris’s Brother” Daniel replied with an air of suspicion to his voice, hesitating for a moment before he reached out and shook Adam’s hand. 

“It’s so great to meet you” The fakeness went on once their hands had been released. “I was just coming to pick up some of my stuff since Kris was kind enough to allow me to stay with him while I was looking for a new apartment” The first of many lies began as Adam reached down and picked up the duffle bag at Daniel’s feet. “So what brings you to L.A.?” He continued to make small talk, giving me a dirty look as he walked past where I was still frozen in shock from seeing my Brother. The elevator ride was stone cold silent and felt like it took forever before we reached the top. “I’ll leave you to catch up with your Brother while I go and get my shit” He didn’t even spare me a glance as he walked down the hallway and walked into the spare bedroom. 

“Do…do you want something to drink?” I asked, grabbing my Brother by the elbow and dragging him into the kitchen so Adam could slip into our bedroom and get some of his stuff. I knew that he was giving me an out in having to come clean to my Brother and as relieved as I was for Adam to do that, it hurt me just the same because I knew it was hurting him as well. “What are you doing here?” I blurted out, finally getting some control over my functions. 

“Do you really have to ask?” He replied, with a raised eye brow. “Mom sent me” 

“Ok Kris…I’m out of your hair” Adam holler behind us. “It was great meeting you Daniel” He went on, not even bothering to wait for me to exit the kitchen before he was gone. 

“He’s um…interesting” I heard Daniel say as I fought the urge to throw something because I knew I had fucked everything up with Adam once again. 

“Are you hungry?” I asked, ignoring his remark as I turned to face him. “Have a seat in the living room and I’ll order some food” I said before I walked into the kitchen, leaning into the cabinet as I fought the urge to cry in complete and total frustration. 

“So Adam was living here?” I heard him ask as I handed him a beer before sitting down next to him on the couch after the food had been ordered. 

“Temporally” I lied; hating the way that it just slid off my tongue like it was nothing. “He lost his apartment and needed a place to stay until he found a new one” 

“Uh huh…” He replied and I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything but why are you here again?” 

"You dangled the girlfriend carrot in front of Mom and when you didn't come home for Christmas or New Year’s she suggested that I take a trip and come visit” He shrugged, staring at me in a way that's very unnerving.

"I never said I had a girlfriend" I blurted out, regretting the words as they exited my mouth. "We broke up” The lies continued, biting my lip and looking away because I really did want to break down with each one told.

"Or maybe she didn't exist?" He questioned, still staring at me as of tying to read my mind. Thankfully the food was delivered and I made a point to talk about everything else but about my non-existent girlfriend for the rest of the night.

Later that night after Daniel had gone to bed I laid in my own bed holding my phone in my hand, wishing like hell that Adam would call me. I knew it was me that would have to do the calling and that it should be me but the problem was I had no idea what to say. My breath held in my throat when I finally got the nerve to call him, tears blurring my vision when it went to his voicemail. "Adam..." I croaked, swallowing hard and taking a breath before speaking again. "I know you angry with me and you have every right to be, but I wanted you to know how sorry I am" I ended the call before I started bawling, curling into a ball as I hugged his pillow to my nose and prayed for sleep to take me. I knew it was a lost cause when several hours later I found myself still wide awake, Adam's pillow wet from my tears of frustration. My ringing cell phone nearly caused me to have a heart attack as I lunged for it on the night stand, nearly knocking the lamp to the floor because it was Adam’s ring tone. “Adam…” I cried out, my heart racing so fast I felt as if I were going to pass out. “Adam…” I said his name again when all I got was silence. 

“Are you ok?” I heard him finally speak, but the tone of his voice was anything but soothing or loving. 

“I miss you. I can’t sleep without you in bed beside me” I said instead, meaning those words in ways I couldn’t even explain to him verbally. 

“Did you tell your Brother about us?” He asked, my eyes closing involuntarily because I already knew where this conversation was heading. 

“Adam…” I whispered his name, suddenly feeling so exhausted. 

“Seems that we both sleep alone tonight then” He replied, his voice clipped and angry. “Good night Kris” 

“Adam wait…” I cried out louder than I planned to, but I didn’t care because I didn’t want our phone call to end on a bad note. “You’re the one who told him we were best friends and then you just left” I decided to change tactics, already knowing it was the wrong one but my mouth running ahead of my brain.

“You should have seen your face Kris. You looked as if you were about to have a stroke right there in front of us and not once did you ever speak up and deny my words. It’s been hours and you still haven’t told him” The anger was still there but so was the sadness and it killed me to know that I was hurting him once again. 

“I love you Adam” I rushed out loudly because I was so afraid that he was going to hang up on me. “I love you so much baby and I miss you” 

“I love and miss you too, but until you tell your Brother seems we are kind of at an impasse don’t you think?” He asked. “Goodnight Kris” He said next and then the line went dead. As expected I didn’t sleep the rest of the night, feeling completely exhausted the next morning when I walked into the kitchen and found Daniel drinking coffee. 

“Here…you look like you need this” I heard him say as he poured me a cup before handing it to me as I sat at the kitchen table with him. “You look like shit” He said, giving me the same look from yesterday as he looked over the rim of his cup. 

“I didn’t sleep much” I replied with a shrug, recalling the conversation I’d had with Adam. “I didn’t know you were coming so unfortunately I have to go to work today. I have the weekend off so we can hang out then but today I have a meeting with an important client and I can’t miss it” 

“It’s ok. I can just hang out here today and then tonight you can take me out for a huge expensive steak dinner” Was his response as he poured himself another cup of coffee. “Maybe I can meet some of your friends. You could invite Adam since he’s one of your best friends and all” 

“He’s busy” Was all I could say without breaking down into tears as I pushed myself away from the table and escaped into my room. My mind was conflicted during my commute to work, wondering what Adam was doing and just how much he hated me yet again for denying what we were. I sat in my parking spot for several minutes, dreading going to my office because I had no idea what would be in store for me from Brad once I got there. 

***You can’t hide from me all day*** I read the text sent to me from the man I was thinking about. “Fuck me” I cried out into my hands as I leaned forward and laid my forehead on the steering wheel. 

He wasn’t at his desk as I walked into the lobby of my office, already knowing that he was waiting for me inside. I knew the shit was about to hit the fan because even after all the strange looks he was giving me after my release from jail on Thanksgiving day, we had never spoke of it. My head was already pounding as I walked in and found him there just as I had expected. “You know each time you do shit like this to him it breaks him down more and more” He said instead of a greeting or the fuck you I was expecting. 

“I know” I replied with a broken sigh as I went and sat behind my desk, hiding my face in my hands as the pain intensified in my head. 

“You also know that I’m on your side right?” I heard him ask as I looked up and found him looking at me with a frown on his face. 

“I know” I said again, but I really didn’t believe it or him. 

“Look…you’re acting like a douche bag. I don’t deny that” He went on in true fashion. “But, at the same time I get it. Your Brother just showed up out of the blue and you didn’t have time to prepare yourself for the big outing, because if you had had time that would be what you would have done…right?”

“I want to tell him” I meant those words, despite the fear already creeping up in my throat. 

“But you are just scared” I could only nod because I truly felt as if my throat was permanently constricted. “You really are just like a new born kitten” He sighed over dramatically, leaning back into the chair he was sitting on. “I have to tell you Kris as much as I get it I’m so conflicted because Adam is one of my best friends and I hate when he’s hurting, but at the same time I know how fucking scary it is to come out to your family” He sighed again, his mouth tight, but his eyes soft as they continued to look at me from across the table. “He didn’t sleep last night either” He went on and I didn’t even try to deny that neither had I. “He probably wasn’t even going tell me about this incident but Sutan called me early this morning and told me that Adam needed me” 

“I hurt him” I choked out, sounding more like a bull frog then a grown man. 

“Yes…so now the question is what are you going to do to fix it?” I had no answer for him as I watched him get up and walk towards the office door. “I know I was against the two of you being together at the beginning” He started to speak again, his back still towards me once he reached the door. “But the two of you really love each other and bring out the best in each other. Adam and I couldn’t do that for each other when we were together” I could hear the sadness in his voice as he turned to face me once again. “Adam loves you so much Kris, but you have to figure yourself out sooner than later because despite the love that he feels for you, he is not going to be your secret forever” No other words were spoken as he stared at me for a few moments before closing the door softly behind him. 

I was physically drained by the time I got home later that night, planning to beg off dinner with my Brother so I could wallow in my pain and self-pity. “Danny do you mind if we postpone dinner until tomorrow night because honestly I’m beat” I called out as I walked through the foyer of my apartment, freezing in my tracks as I entered the living room and found him sitting on the couch with several pictures spread out across my coffee table. 

“I think that we have more important things to talk about then food” He nodded towards the pictures as I tried to remember how to breathe. I was once again physically unable to move as I watched him get up from his place on the couch and practically force me into a nearby chair. “So I guess these explain why you didn’t come home for the holidays” He once again nodded towards the pictures as he took his seat back on the couch. The world around me was spinning as I took in the happy and smiling faces of Adam and myself staring back at us. They were pictures taken as we celebrated Christmas at Tommy and Sutan’s house, the photographs taken by Tommy with his Christmas present from his husband. “I knew you know” He said quietly as I looked over at him, my eyes feeling huge as saucers as I tried to figure out if I had heard what I had heard. “When Rick was jerked out of the closet by his Brother I noticed that you started to act different. You seemed so scared and at the time I wasn’t really sure why, but then you started asking questions about being gay and when Mom and Dad told you their beliefs you sort of started to pull into yourself. You started dating Katy and you seemed like you were really happy, but to me it just never felt right. It didn’t shock me in the least when right after graduation you high tailed it out of Conway and came to Los Angeles” I still said nothing as he picked up a particular picture and held it up. “Is Adam your boyfriend?” He asked, the picture he was holding up of Adam and I kissing. 

I opened my mouth several times, closing it yet again when I found the words just wouldn’t come. I could feel the bile rising in my throat as Daniel continued to hold the picture up, looking determined to get an answer from me one way or the other. I thought about lying to him, but as I recalled the amazing day spent with the man I loved and the private moment Tommy captured on film when we thought no one was looking I knew that I couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “Yes…” I forced the word out, it sounding no more than a whisper as I took a deep breath and tried again. “Yes…” I spoke not much louder the next time, but I knew he had heard me at the way he nodded his head. 

“I kind of knew before I found these” He said as I tried not to hyperventilate right there in front of him. “I mean, what man allows another man to practically hump him in public” He tried to make a joke in reference to the way he found Adam and I in the lobby the day before, but I couldn’t even muster a chuckle. “I also heard you on the phone last night. I wasn’t trying to be nosey I promise” He cried out in his defense. “I was hungry and decided to raid the fridge. Ok maybe I was being a little nosey when I heard you talking out loud at three in the morning. After you left this morning I decided to snoop around a little because there was also the fact that you could tell that no one had been staying in the guest room either” He at least had the decency to look ashamed as he placed the picture back with the other ones. “I found these on top of your dresser and it all sort of just fell into place. You look so happy together” He said as he picked up another picture of Adam and me just gazing into each other’s eyes with such happiness on our faces. It was my favorite picture out of all the ones Tommy had given to us because there was no denying the love that we both felt for each other. I lost it after he said that, crying over the pain of hurting the man that I loved as well as every fear I had of telling my family what I felt was such a terrible secret. Daniel didn’t say anything as I continued with my meltdown and I was grateful for that because once I was all cried out I actually felt as if I could talk to him about Adam and my life since leaving Conway. “I take it you’re still living in the closet?”

“I thought that moving to L.A. was going to change everything for me once I got here. I was excited to finally be myself and not have to lie about the fact that I wasn’t attracted to the opposite sex, but then I got here and I found that I still had the same fears as I did in Conway. I tried going to different gay bars and letting men pick me up, but the minute I stepped foot into those places I realized that I was in over my head and left. I decided that if it was going to happen then it would when the time was right and so I put my sole focus on college and my music and then I got an externship and that became my focus and then they hired me on permanently and that become my focus and then I became one of the youngest executive and that became my focus and I just lost track of why I moved out here in the first place” 

“What changed?” Danny asked as I searched his face, finding nothing but understanding looking back at me. 

“I met Adam” I replied with a smile, recalling the completely fucked up way the two of us had come together but how it had turned out to be the best thing in my life ever. We both laughed as I told him how we had met and the misunderstanding that Matt and Cale had hired him to sleep with me. I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face as I continued with the way our relationship had grown from there into something that I never thought possible. I told him about all the times I had hurt Adam with my fear and that no matter how much I knew it was hurting him the fears always won over in the end. “I’ve taken some baby steps since we first got together but I know it’s not going to be enough to keep him with me for much longer” I said, tears burning my eyes once again because I knew it was the truth even though I liked to pretend and deny it. 

“So you’re just waiting for him to eventually leave you” He said and as much as I wanted to deny it, he had hit the nail right on the head. “Seems pretty lame to me” He went on when I didn’t respond. 

“You try being in my shoes and see how lame you think it is” I shot back in anger and even more frustration because I knew he was right even though I didn’t want to admit it. I knew that the only one holding me back from fully being myself was me, but the fact that I had been hiding it for so long made it feel as if it was almost impossible to move forward. 

“Look Kris…I’m sure this has been hard for you” He began, closing his mouth for a moment before speaking again. “I know this has been hard for you” He corrected himself. “But the fact of the matter is that you moved here so you could be yourself and to find what you couldn’t in Conway. You have it all. You have an amazing job, you live in this amazing apartment and you have an amazing man that loves you despite all your fears and stupidity and trust me I’m your Brother so I know how stupid you can be” He teased, causing me to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation. I’m really happy for you Kris because I want you to be happy and if being with this Adam guy makes you happy then be with him” 

“He does make me happy” I replied with a smile before I remembered that I had fucked everything up with him and probably had for good. 

“See I know that look…that is a patented Kris is stupid look” He cried out, plucking the picture of Adam and I gazing into each other’s eyes off of the coffee table and flinging it my way. “Don’t give up without a fight. You said he was busy tonight. Is he really busy or did you just say that to shut me up earlier?” 

“I have no idea what he’s doing tonight” I replied sadly, holding the picture in my hand as I fought the urge to cry for the hundredth time that day. 

“Then find someone who does”

“What?” I questioned as I looked up at him. 

“Someone has to know where he is. Find out where he is and then we are going there. I’m going to go and clean up. I hope he’s someplace that has food because I am fucking starving” I heard him mumble as he disappeared down the hallway. 

I knew exactly who to call as I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and searched for his number. “Hello darling…” I heard Brad sing into the phone once he picked it up. “It’s the guy from the grocery store” I heard him say, causing me to frown because I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. “Please tell me you are calling me to find out where Adam is so you can come and take his sulking ass off of our hands” I heard him ask in a annoyed voice a moment later. “Honestly Kris I love Adam, but I can’t take much more of this and…” 

Brad…focus” I cut him off before he could start on another one of his famous rants. “I don’t know how you knew I was calling for this reason, but I am so just tell me where you are and I’m on my way” 

“I hope you know what you are doing” I heard him say after he gave me the name of the restaurant they had dragged Adam to. The problem was that I had no idea what I was doing, but I had to admit that I was damn hopeful that once I got there that whatever it was worked.


	15. Chapter 15

“Thank fuck it’s a restaurant” My Brother cried out as we walked from the parking garage towards the restaurant across the street. 

“You never used to swear this much” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets because they were already sweaty and trembling on top of it. 

“I’ve never had to deal with so much drama before” He grinned at me as we stopped in front of the door. “Do you have any idea about what you are going to say?” 

“No…” I replied truthfully, eyeing the parking garage out of the corner of my eye and wondering if I had made a huge mistake. 

“Nice try…now get in there” He hindered any plans on running as he grabbed onto my shoulder and literally shoved me in the front door. “We’re meeting some friends” He smiled at the hostess, his grip on my shoulder tightening as he forced me deeper inside. “I won’t let you fuck this up Kristopher by being a coward. You love him…so fucking prove it” He spoke against my ear, lessoning his grip but not by much as we sighted their table. 

“Kristopher Allen…as I live and breathe” I heard Brad’s shrill voice as he rushed away from the table towards us. “Don’t fuck this up” He spoke under his breath as he plucked me away from Daniel and jerked me towards the table. “Look everyone…its Kris” He announced my presence in a voice that was shrill and over the top, but I didn’t care because my eyes were focused on Adam and the way he refused to even look at me. 

“Hey everyone…” I waved stupidly at them, not shocked in the least by the dirty looks I was receiving from everyone at the table. “Um…I’d like to introduce you to my Brother Daniel” I went on regardless of the ugly looks, my eyes still trained on Adam. “Danny…this is Brad” I started the introductions. “That’s Tommy and his partner Sutan and their adorable daughter Jazalyn” I watched as Daniel reached over and shook all of their hands. “And this is Adam” I nodded towards the man still looking everywhere but me. “My boyfriend and that man who I love with all my heart” I knew it sounded cheesy, but if it meant that Adam would look at me, maybe even forgive me then it would be so worth it. It worked, as he turned his head and gaped at me through wide, yet beautiful blue eyes. 

“It’s nice to meet you Adam. Kris has told me way too fucking much about you” Danny joked, reaching out and shaking Adam’s hand as he continued to stare at me. 

“You two outside and talk while we entertain this handsome man” Brad rushed out giddily as he grabbed Adam’s hand and jerked him out of his seat, placing it clumsily into mine before shoving us both towards the exit. “So…Kris has a Brother” I heard Brad cry out, not caring in the least that I had pretty much left him to the wolves as Adam closed his hand around mine and led me outside. 

“You told him?” He asked me the moment we hit the pavement outside. 

I debated not telling him the truth, but I didn’t want any more lies between us. “He pretty much figured it out on his own” I replied around a painful swallow as I watched his face for any signs of anger. “I didn’t deny it” I went on weakly, closing me eyes because I knew it was just a matter of time before he bolted. 

“What did you tell him?” He questioned as I opened my eyes, his face still guarded 

“Everything” I replied, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. 

“Everything?” 

“Everything” I repeated, watching as a slow smile began to form across his beautiful face. “I had to” 

“Why?” The smile started to disappear just as quickly as it had appeared. 

“Because I wanted him to know who you are to me and what you mean to me and how much I love you, but at the same time I did it for me as well because it’s time to stop hiding who I am” I meant those words despite the fact that they still scared the shit out of me. 

“I can’t believe you told him everything. Even the part where you thought I was a whore?” He asked with a tease to his voice and before I could respond he kissed the words right out of my mouth. 

“I’m so sorry Adam” I panted against his lips when he released mine, clinging to him so tightly because I just needed to feel his body next to mine. “I’m going to make some changes…I promise” I vowed between my own kisses and I knew he had forgiven and believed me when he wrapped me up in his arms and held me just as tightly, the warmth of his smile pressed firmly against the side of my head. 

“We should probably go and save your Brother from Brad” I heard him say, but I wasn’t ready to go in just yet as I leaned up and kissed him again. “Keep kissing me like that and I’m going to forget all about your Brother and take you home and fuck you senseless”

“Does that mean you’re coming home tonight?” I asked, holding my breath as I waited for him to respond. 

“Truthfully Kitty…I was coming home tonight regardless if you had shown up here or not” He said words that shocked me because I figured if I hadn’t made the gesture he would have just stayed mad at me and not come back home ever. 

“Re…really?” I stammered, holding my breath yet again because I did not understand the look I was seeing one his face. 

“You know that I love you” He began to speak, stepping away from me, although he hadn’t released my hand. “And you piss me off so bad sometimes that I find myself thinking that maybe I should just end it, that there is so much drama when it comes to you that it’s not worth it” I wanted to cry at those words, tears actually burning my eyes as I let go of his hand and found myself standing there feeling so lost and helpless. “But then I look at you and you tell me you love me and I find myself falling for you all over again. The truth is that I can’t stay away from you. I’ve never met anyone like you before Kris and just being away from you for one night was pure fucking torture for me” 

“It was for me too” I replied brokenly as he pulled me back into his arms. “I love you so much Adam” I whispered against his broad chest, closing my eyes and sending a silent prayer above that we would always be together because I honestly didn’t know if I could live my life as I had before without him in it. 

“Do I even want to know?” I questioned the table after we walked in and found Sutan sitting in Daniel’s lap, Brad laughing like a hyena and Tommy pouting in his chair with a look that screamed how much he wanted to take my Brother outside and beat his ass. 

“What the fuck is it about you Allen’s?” Tommy growled at me before shoving his chair back and storming out of the restaurant. 

“Shit…” Sutan cried out, getting off of Daniel’s lap. “Adam watch the baby” He hollered over his shoulder as he ran after his lover. 

“Why do I have a feeling you had something to do with this” Adam said to Brad as he sat down at the table, picking up the carrier with the baby in it and placing it on the table. I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face as he sang softly to her when she started to grow fussy. I allowed myself to think for a moment what it would be like if Adam and I were in a relationship like Tommy and Sutan, minus all the drama and drag queens. I could picture us living in a beautiful house with at least two children and maybe even a dog. “Penny for your thoughts” I heard Adam whisper against my ear as I opened my eyes that I hadn’t even realized were closed. 

“I was just thinking about you and our future” I told him half the daydream, not wanting to jinx it or rush into anything more than we’d already had. 

“I like the sound of that” He smiled at me as he leaned forward and kissed me softly. 

“Yeah…” I smiled back, stealing another kiss before I turned my full attention to the baby watching us with wide eyes. “Do you think their ok?” I questioned when neither Sutan, nor Tommy had returned back to the table. 

“You could say that” Daniel laughed as he pointed towards the entrance of the restaurant where they were wrapped around each other and making out in front of everyone without a care in the world. 

“Do I even want to know?” I asked again, looking over at Brad before I turned my attention towards my Brother. 

“I have no idea” Daniel shot his hands up in defense. “He asked me what I did for a living and when I told him he was in my lap and his hands were under my shirt feeling my abs” 

“And you had nothing to do with this?” I asked Brad when he just snorted in laughter. 

“No…but if you could have seen your Brother’s face” He snorted again, laughing even harder when Danny swatted at him playfully. I couldn’t help but laugh myself as I snuggled into Adam’s side because it really seemed as if he had no issues with my friends and my new life. 

Up until that point I had always loved my sports car, but that night as Adam stood with me before it, I wished I had anything but a two seater because it meant that we were not going home together. We had spent many hours at the restaurant having a good time as each of them told Daniel story after story at my expense until the manager informed us that they were closing and it was time to leave. "Daniel could drive and I could sit in your lap" I whined looking up at the man I loved, hating the idea of being apart from him even though it was only for a short while. . 

"As much as I love the idea of you in my in my lap Kitty, let’s not temp with you ending up in jail yet again” Adam teased as he leaned down and kissed me. "Tommy is going to drop me off and then we will talk some more about you and my lap” I couldn't help but blush at the playful grumbling I heard coming from my Brother as I kissed him quickly before shoving him away.

"So do you want to tell me about you ending up in jail?" I heard Daniel ask as I slid behind the wheel. "I don't know Kris...you come out of the closet and all of a sudden you're attacking police officers and ending up in jail" He teased after I told him my arrest story. “I actually think that you are cooler now then you were before” 

"Oh shut up” I laughed along with him, unable to keep the smile off of my face the entire drive home. “Do you want a beer?” I asked as we entered my apartment thirty minutes later. 

“Sure. I’ll keep you company until Adam gets here” He replied as he followed me into the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen table as I handed him one. “So…Adam seems like a really nice guy” He said before taking a sip from his bottle. 

“He is” I replied with a smile because I couldn’t help myself. 

“You seem so much happier since the last time I saw you, but it makes sense now why you were so unhappy then” He went on, a look on his face that I did not like at all. “Are you planning on coming out to Mom and Dad?” He asked the million dollar question because despite the fact that I knew I would have to eventually in order to keep Adam in my life, just the idea terrified me beyond belief. 

“Eventually I’m going to have to” I said, pulling several swallows from my own bottle before putting it down on the table in front of me. “It’s the one thing that will break Adam and I if I don’t” 

“Is that the only reason you’d be doing it….to keep Adam in your life?” He asked, his face growing darker and unreadable. 

“I guess” I shrugged. “I mean, I never had any intention of telling anyone that I was gay much less Mom and Dad. It absolutely terrifies me to even think about it, but at the same time it also pisses me off that there is a huge possibility that they won’t accept me even if I do. Then there is Adam who is so open about his sexuality and hates that he’s my secret that I’ve forced to hide back in the closet when it comes to my parents and my job, yet I can’t be mad at him because it’s not fair to ask him to do that. I just feel that I can’t win either way” I finished my beer, sliding it nosily across the table in front of me as an uneasy silence settled around us. 

“I need to tell you something Kris that I don’t think you are going to like” He finally broke the silence, finishing his bottle as well before getting up and pulling two more out of the refrigerator. I didn’t say anything as I watched him drink half of the new bottle in front of him before taking a deep breath and speaking again. “I just want you to know that I really don’t have a problem with you being gay. Two years ago I probably wouldn’t have understood it but the school that I teach at has been making us teachers go to seminars on how to deal with kids who are struggling with their sexuality and then we come back and talk to our kids so they know that we are there for them if they need someone to talk to. Mom and Dad well…” He took another swig of his beer. “Mom and Dad were totally opposed to it when I brought it up. They told me that they felt as if we were encouraging these kids to be different…to be something that goes against god” 

“That doesn’t actually surprise me Danny” I replied sadly. “I remember how much the church frowns upon homosexuality” 

“That’s not the worst of it Kris” He said softly, his eyes looking suspiciously misty as he looked at me from across the table. “The church decided to start a conversion therapy program and Mom and Dad are two of the teachers” My breath caught in my throat while my heart felt as if it had stopped beating in my chest “I’m sorry Kris. I just figured you should know in case you decide to come home and tell them. I think they are wrong and I’ve started going to another church because it pisses me off, but they don’t agree with me and refuse to believe they are doing anything wrong. They actually think that they are doing the right thing by telling these kids that they are abominations” 

“Kris…” I heard Adam call out my name as he entered our apartment. 

“Thanks for telling me Danny” I rushed out, taking a few quick breaths and forcing a smile on my face when Adam entered the kitchen. 

“Hey…” He greeted the two of us with a smile as he sat down next to me. “So what are we talking about?” He asked, looking between the two of us as the smile fell off of his face. “Is everything ok?” He asked, his face becoming guarded as he placed his arm around the back of my chair. 

“Everything is fine” I lied with as much of a smile as I could muster considering what my Brother had just told me. I'm just really happy that your back home"

"I'm happy to be back home too" He grinned, shifting closer before he leaned over and kissed me.

"Hey I know I said I was ok with Kris being gay and all, but I'm still a man and I am not comfortable with the PDA" Daniel spoke up from across the table, causing Adam and I to laugh. We moved to the living room for the next several hours as Adam and Daniel got to know each other. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face because I was so damned happy that at least I didn't have to hide who I was from my Brother any longer, refusing to even think about what he had told me about my parents for the moment.


	16. Chapter 16

"Well I don't know about the two of you but I'm really tired” Adam yawned and I had to bite my lip to hold back my laughter because he looked anything but tired.

"Tired...right" Daniel snorted. "Just try not to scar me too badly and remember I'm only in the room next door"

We said our goodnight as Adam and I walked hand in hand towards our bedroom. "This could be scarring to my Brother" I giggled as he shoved me against the door before it closed, the loudness echoing down the hallway as it slammed shut.

"I don't care" He growled, interlocking our fingers as he placed them over my head, the bulk of his body pressing me against the door. I've wanted to do this from the moment you walked into that restaurant. I had no words as he crushed his mouth over mine. The kiss was fiery, amazing and all-consuming as I gave into it whole heartedly, my body on auto pilot as I humped his body like a dog in heat. "I think you missed me Kitty” He teased, rolling his body against mine thrust for thrust.

"I did...I did" I rushed out, jerking the hands still pinned over my head out of his before pulling his shirt over his head. "God I really did" I moaned as I leaned forward and rubbed my face across his furry chest. "I love you Adam" I murmured placing biting kisses anywhere I could.

"I love you too baby" He moaned, his head falling back as I moved my way downward. I didn't hesitate to fall to my knees as I nuzzled his dick through his pants with my nose while my hands fumbled with his zipper. "Oh man Kitty...you are so good at that" He moaned even louder when those same hands jerked his pants to his ankles, taking him all the way into my mouth until my gag reflex kicked in. "Take it slow but God don't stop" He urged me to continue as he grabbed into both sides of my head and started to pump his hips a little bit. Closing my mouth a little tighter I increased my suction, my hands kneading his bare ass as I urged him to continue. “Fuck…I’m not going to last long” I heard him cry out, causing me to laugh just a little as I thought about my Brother possibly freaking out in the next room. That thought didn’t last long though as Adam exploded in my mouth, causing me to nearly choke a second later when he literally hefted me off of the floor and threw me on the bed. Adam had never been aggressive before in all the times we had made love and as much as it kind of frightened me for a moment it didn’t last long as he tore the clothes from my body. “I’m going to fuck you so good Kitty” He growled as the pants I had been wearing were tossed over his head. 

“Such a hot sexy Tiger” I teased, somewhat shocked that he was already getting hard so quickly after giving him a blow job. 

“You got that right. This Tiger is going to fuck his Kitty until he can’t move” He teased right back, attacking my neck with lips, teeth and tongue in ways that drove me wild each time that he did it. I never realized how much I got off on Adam marking my neck, but he knew and as much as he knew I enjoyed it, thankfully he always made sure to keep the marks where no one could see them when I was fully clothed. He didn’t disappoint as he reached between our bodies, gripping our cocks together as he began to jerk us both off in earnest. I found I couldn’t do much of anything except bit my lip and hold by breath as I fought the urge to cry out loudly. “Are you holding back Kitty?” I heard Adam ask in such a low and sexy voice that it caused a loud moan to escape from my lips despite my efforts to stop it. “That’s better” He chuckled darkly, kissing me hungrily while he fumbled for the supplies we always kept in a drawer next to the bed. “Gonna fuck you so good” He murmured against my lips, my eyes closing in preparation of what was to happen next as he sat up and placed the condom. “Can you take me hard?” He asked, his hands already on my ass as he maneuvered me into position. “Can you?” He asked again, his pupils blown wide open with lust and looking far too fucking sexy that I could hardly remember the question. 

“Yes….yes” I cried out, crying out even louder as he shoved his dick into me so hard and so fast that I didn’t know if I was crying out in pleasure or pain. It didn’t matter really because within seconds all I could feel was the pleasure building in me as I watched him lose himself in fucking me. Adam had been a little rough with me from time to time since we had first fucked, but that night there was something more involved although I wasn’t sure what it was at the time. I came so hard that I couldn’t breathe for a moment, but once I caught that breath the sounds that came out of me were almost animalistic. He didn’t come right away as he continued to pound into me but I couldn’t have moved if I tried because I literally had no strength to move in the least. 

“Are you ok? Did I hurt you?” The rough and wonton animal that that consumed him was gone as he pulled out of me, grabbing both sides of my face as he looked down at me with full concern in his eyes. I wanted to say something, but I literally felt as if I couldn’t move a single muscle as I continued to lay there. I wanted to smack him when the concern turned into conceit as a playful smirk danced across his face. “I guess my job here is done then” He winked as he pushed away from me before climbing off of the bed. I didn’t have the energy to go after him as I closed my eyes and smiled in deep satisfaction at being well fucked. I was half asleep when he came back into the room, the same smirk on his face as he laid down next to me, but nothing but love in his eyes. 

“What was that all about?” I questioned my voice gravelly and heavy as he cleaned me off with a wet washcloth. 

He looked almost conflicted as he looked down at the washcloth for a moment before looking back at me. “I wanted him to see that you really are gay and that this isn’t just some experiment” He tried to explain, but all I could do is stare at him because I truly had no words. 

“So you were what…were marking your territory?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, because what he had just said really didn’t make any sense to me and yet at the same time it kind of did. 

“No…” He replied quickly, jumping back off of the bed and heading into the bathroom when I started laughing. “Fuck you Kristopher” I heard him say as I looked up and found him leaning against the doorframe with an irritated look on his face. 

“I think you already did Tiger” I laughed even harder at the dirty look he gave me, but it held no heat as his lips trembled in an attempt to hide his smile. 

“I hate you” It finally broke across his face as he once again climbed onto the bed, lying on his back beside me. 

“You love me” I reminded as I forced myself to roll onto my side, lying my head on his chest as I played with the hair there 

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” I heard him ask again as I once again started to doze off, but I truly had no strength to answer him as I placed a soft kiss on his chest and allowed myself to fall asleep. 

“Thanks for not trying to scar me last night” Daniel mumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen and sat down at the table the next morning. 

“Sorry…” I replied through a laugh, not sounding sorry in the least. “I don’t know what he was trying to prove” 

“You know that I do get you are gay and this is not just some joke right?” He asked as I handed him a cup of coffee. 

“I never thought you thought it was a joke, but I guess Adam did” I replied not understanding why Adam would think that of my Brother.

“Where is he?” 

“He has a show this afternoon and then one tonight” 

‘Wicked right?” 

“Yeah…”

“Great play. The drama department at my school did that production a few years back. I didn’t think that I would like it but it was really good” 

“I bet you’ve seen every performance” He grinned at me, but it disappeared at the way I was avoiding his eyes. “You have seen him preform haven’t you?” 

“No…” I answered softly, feeling so guilty because up until that point I had never thought much about going to see Adam’s show. 

“Why not? That doesn’t make any sense” He went on and I could tell he was really irritated about it. “He’s your boyfriend and the lead. You’re like the worst boyfriend ever” He threw his hands up in frustration and I would have laughed except Daniel was truly pissed at me for it. “Why haven’t you seen him?” He asked again, staring at me in a way that dared me to lie. 

“We’ve never talked about it honestly. I mean he tells me about the shows and stuff that happens, but he’s never asked me to come to one of them and truthfully I’ve never pushed it” I told the truth because I knew he’d catch my lie even if I tried. “I’ve been so scared about people finding out that I’m gay that I just never brought it up” I explained, the guilt eating me up even more. “I really am the world’s worst boyfriend” I sighed as I laid my head down on the table because all I wanted to do was sulk because once again I was putting my fears ahead of the man that loved me. 

“When does the afternoon show start?” He asked.

“I have no idea” And sadly I really didn’t. I just knew that Adam always left really early on Saturday mornings and came home really late.

“Do you at least have the number to the theatre so we can call and find out?” The edge to his voice was almost mean and it made the guilt grow even more. 

“No” I replied hesitantly as I watched my Brothers face darken. 

“You really are the worst boyfriend ever” He shot back before he pushed himself away from the table and left the kitchen. 

“I know” I said to the empty room, feeling like the biggest loser ever as I got up from the table myself and went into my room to get dressed. 

“You need to change” I heard Daniel say as I entered the living room thirty minutes later. 

“What?” I asked, looking down at my baggy jeans and t-shirt, which were perfect for the tour of the city I had planned.

“There is a change of plans” He replied as he pushed me back towards my bedroom. “The show starts in an hour and knowing the stupid traffic around here if we leave now we can probably just make it” I wanted to fight him, but I didn’t say a word because for some reason knowing that my Brother was there by my side I really didn’t care if a bunch of people I had never met before and were Adam’s friends knew that we were together. 

“How much were the tickets? I can stop by an ATM on the way home and give you the money for them” I asked as we drove towards the theatre. 

“No idea…the show is sold out” Was his response as I turned and looked at him as if he had lost his mind. 

“They if they are sold out then why are we going?” I questioned, trying to keep my eyes on the road and Daniel as well. 

“You’re the lead actor’s boyfriend that has to mean something doesn’t it” He shrugged as I fought the urge to smack the shit out of him. “Pull over” He pointed up ahead. 

“Why?” I asked, wondering what he could honestly need as I pulled up onto the side street and stopped the car. 

“I’ll be back” He threw out over his shoulder as he jumped out of the car and ran into a flower shop” The urge to smack my Brother was replaced with the urge to hug him as I drove around the block at the cars honking impatiently behind me. 

“Thank you Danny” I smiled when he got back in the car several minutes later with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. “I don’t know why you are doing this but thank you” I repeated when he hadn’t said anything. 

“You are my Brother Kris and gay or straight I always want you to be happy. Adam’s a great guy and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves you. He’s almost too good for you” He teased, but I could see that there was some truth behind that statement as well. “I know you love him too and you do deserve to be happy” He laid his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gently squeeze before turning and looking out the window. 

“I’m sorry sir but the show is sold out” The lady at the ticket counter said for the third time since we had approached her about purchasing tickets. 

“This is the lead actor’s boyfriend…surely that should mean something” Daniel continued to argue as I stood there silently holding the bouquet of flowers while fighting an internal battle for wanting to surprise Adam and see him perform but at the same time wanting to run because I knew how obnoxious Daniel could be when he didn’t get his way. 

“Like we haven’t heard that line before” The lady snickered at the man sitting next to her. “Adam has many admirers my dear” She grinned over at my Brother. “But we are still sold out” 

“Give me your damn phone” Danny demanded as he turned to face me. Again I didn’t argue with him as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to him. “Just you wait and see girlie” He growled at the girl, stepping closer to the box office. “No…it’s Daniel” I heard my Brother speak, figuring that Adam had answered his phone. “No…he’s fine” I couldn’t help but smile at the idea that he was worried about me. “He’s actually sitting outside the box office trying to surprise you and the kind lady inside is hindering all his hard work” The smile on his face was almost evil as he ended that call and gave the phone back to me. “He’s on his way up” 

"Kris..." I heard Adam's voice as one of the entrance doors opened.

"Hey baby..." I blushed but with a smile as I watched Daniel flip the girl the bird behind his back as Adam escorted us inside. "These are for you" I focused my attention on my boyfriend as I handed him the flowers still in my hand.

"Oh...thank you" He replied with his own blush but such a beautiful smile on his face that it took my breath away.

"Welcome" I returned as I leaned up and kissed him quite thoroughly in order to prove I wasn't just some random admirer.

"Well this has proven to be quit an amazing surprise" He was still beaming as he wrapped his arm around my waist and urged us down a long hallway. I couldn't help but notice the looks of envy from some of the cast as he introduced me as his boyfriend and it made me feel a bit smug because there was no doubt that they wanted him as much as I did and yet he had picked me to be his lover.

"Twenty minutes Adam" I heard an elderly man say from the doorway of Adam's dressing room after I had met most of the cast and crew.

"Red...oh my God get in here" Adam exclaimed as he left my side and dragged the man deeper into the small room. "Red...I'd like you to meet my Kristopher" He was smiling wide as he once again wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close.

"Well well...I was beginning to think that our Adam had made you up" He teased, winking at Adam before turning his attention back towards me. "I've heard a lot about you Kristopher" He said with a smile as he leaned forward and kissed my check. "You make our boy here very happy. I've seen such a change in his spirit since he met you"

"He makes me very happy too" I sniffled because his words choked me up. "Um...that's my Brother Daniel" I pointed out my Brother but my eyes were locked on Adam and the love I found staring back at me through his eyes.

"What....I don't get a kiss on the cheek?" I heard Daniel grumble playfully; squealing loudly when Red, Adam and myself ganged up on him and covered his face with kisses. "Enough...enough” He cried out with a laugh while attempting to push us away.

"Fifteen minutes” Red said with another wink towards Adam and I. "You two follow me and I'll get you seated"

"But the shows sold out"

"Don't worry Kitty…Red will take good care of you” Adam smiled. "I love you and I'm so happy you and Daniel are here" He smiled at Danny for a moment before turning back towards me. “I just love you so much” He pulled me into his arms, hugging the breath from my body but I didn’t care because I could see just how much it meant to him that I was there. I felt bad for a moment as I recalled how stupid I had been with my fear, but vowing and hoping against hope that my upcoming birthday surprise was going to make up for it. 

“I’ll come and get you after that show and bring you both back to Adam” Red said to us as he ushered us to our intended seats. I wanted to say something when those seats turned out to be front row and center, but he didn’t give the chance. “We hold these seats for very important people. You’ve made Adam very happy today and there is no doubt in my mind that his performance is going to even more amazing then all the others he’s done because you are here” He said as he stared at me for a long while, looking as if he wanted to say something more but he said nothing as he shared a wink at me before taking his leave. I didn’t have time to harp on that look though as the show started several minutes later and from the moment Adam took the stage I couldn’t think about anything else except how amazingly brilliant my boyfriend was. I had heard Adam singing in the shower many times, had even heard him practicing in one of my spare bedrooms when I was working from home, but as he stood on that stage and sang in a way that I had never heard before I knew it was just a matter of time before some record producer or executive found him and made him the star. 

“Holy shit…where the hell did he get a voice like that?” Danny asked during intermission as we lounged in a large hallway waiting for the next act to start. “That man should be belting out his own hit singles on a stage instead of doing small time productions. How long has he been doing this stupid play?” He asked, not waiting for an answer as he continued to rattle on. “Does he even know how good he is? Is he even trying to work on his own music? This is madness you know…plain madness. Are you even fucking listening to me?” 

“I love you Danny” I hugged my Brother, chuckling to myself when he just gave me an odd look after pushing me away. “I have no idea where he got that voice from. I agree that he should be doing his own music. He’s been doing this play for over a year now. I’m sure he knows how good he is, but then again this is Adam so maybe he doesn’t. Yes…he has been working on his own music, but he’s always telling me how hard it is to break into the business, but he refuses to give up because it’s all he wants to do and yes I was listening to you” I grinned as I answered all of his questions, vowing to myself to get more involved in Adam’s music because I knew it was his passion and his dream and that man deserved to receive both of them. 

The second half of the show was even more amazing, my mouth literally hanging open at how amazing Adam sounded and some of the notes he hit that I didn’t think were possible. “Come with me” I vaguely heard Red say after the show had ended, my eyes still locked on the stage despite the fact that it was empty. 

“I think that he’s a little bit star struck” Danny laughed, jerking me out of my seat and shoving me towards the aisle. 

“I didn’t know he was that good” I blurted out, feeling almost dazed. “He’s so good” I turned to face Red, blushing a little at the way he was looking at me. 

“He’s better than good…he’s amazing” Red beamed, seeming almost proud of Adam, but then the smile disappeared and a frown replaced it. “He’s better than this dinky little show that’s for sure. He should be out there making records and selling out stadiums but he’s holding himself back” Again he gave me a look as if he wanted to say something more but Adam bursting into the room hindered whatever it was.

“Red…stop hogging my boyfriend” We both heard Adam cry out behind us. “So what did you think?” He asked as he crushed me in his arms. 

“You were so amazing” I replied with a smile, my eyes locked with Red’s for a moment because I had no idea what I was supposed to make of his last sentence. “Fucking amazing” I said as I looked up at his handsome face and saw how happy my words meant to him. “I never knew how amazing you were. I mean I know how amazing you are…but I never knew you could sing like that. How is it that you can sing like that?” My words came out in a jumbled mess yet I didn’t care because at that moment I was just so fucking proud to be Adam’s boyfriend that I felt as if I were going to burst with excitement. 

“Adam…may I have a moment with you” Red spoke up as we both turned to face him. The smile of his face seemed fake to me but Adam didn’t seem to notice. 

“Why don’t you and Daniel go back to my dressing room. I’ve got a few hours until my next show maybe we can go get something to eat or order something in” He leaned over and kissed me before nudging me towards the stage. “Thanks for being here tonight Danny. It really means a lot to me that you are willing to take part in our lives” He hugged my Brother quickly before turning his attention to Red. I really wanted to stay and see what Red wanted to talk to Adam about, but Danny didn’t give me a chance as he grabbed onto my elbow and practically jerked me in the direction of the dressing rooms. I was still troubled about what Red was trying to convey to me as we waited in Adam’s dressing room, but it didn’t last long as said man came rushing into the room like a herd of elephants. “This like never happens but Red has given me the rest of the night off” He scooped me up into his arms, twirling me around a few times before placing me back on the ground. 

“What? How can you just leave…you’re the lead” I burst out, wanting to kick myself for speaking up when I had a chance to spend a Saturday night with my boyfriend. 

“That’s what I have an understudy for so let’s fucking go before he changes his mind” Adam teased, kissing me quickly before taking my hand and nodding towards the door. “Thanks again Red” He grinned at the older man as we walked past him, but I don’t think that he heard Adam because his eyes were trained on me. “So what should we do tonight?” He asked once we were outside.


	17. Chapter 17

“I don’t care whatever you want to do” I replied quickly, looking over at my Brother to see if he had any say on what we should do. 

“I could call the guys and see if they want to meet up” Adam cried out happily, not giving Danny or I a chance to respond as he whipped his phone out of his pocket and began calling our friends. “Brad’s game for anything, but Tommy and Sutan are unable to come because my baby girl isn’t feeling well” He said with a worried pout on his face. I knew he was worried about Jazalyn but also the fact that he probably felt guilty because since he had met me he really hadn’t been spending as much time with her as he had before. 

“You know if Tommy and Sutan are ok with it maybe we could just have a quiet night in and just hang out at their place” I knew I had made the right decision but the bright smile I received at my idea and the hungry kiss as well. “You ok with that?” I asked Danny as Adam called them back and let them know about our change of plans. 

“Ok…Brad’s coming over to pick me up and I’ll meet the two of you over there” Adam said as he took my hand and started walking us towards my car. 

“Why don’t you two go on ahead and I’ll wait here for Brad” Daniel volunteered, but Adam wouldn’t hear of it as he nudged Danny towards the passenger side of the car, practically forcing me into the driver’s side. “I’ll be ok” He assured, but I wasn’t really worried about Adam’s safety as I was pissed off about the fact that once again due to my car we were having to go out of our way to get Adam places. “I’ll see you over there” He smiled, kissing me quickly before walking back over towards the front of the venue. I hated leaving him but I did anyway because I knew it was a lost cause at least for the moment. 

“You really need to get a bigger car” Danny egged me on when I pouted in silence. “Why doesn’t he have one?” He asked when I didn’t respond. 

“He says he doesn’t need one but we can see how well that is working out can’t we” I ground out, feeling so irritated despite the wonderful afternoon we had just spent together. 

“So why don’t you buy him one” He said and the more I thought about it on our drive the more I felt that it was a brilliant idea. I had already purchased an amazing birthday present for his upcoming birthday surprise, but I figured it would make it even more amazing if I added a brand new car to the mix. 

“Has anyone every told you how brilliant you are?” I asked, my mood lightening almost a hundred percent. “Hey…you never did tell me how long you’re staying for” I said because I had no idea and I found myself hopeful that he could stay for a while longer because I hadn’t realized just how much I had missed having family in my life. 

“I really don’t have a set time” He shrugged as I pulled up in front of Tommy and Sutan’s place. “I don’t have to be back to school for three more weeks. I was actually planning on going home this Tuesday but if you need me to stay then I guess I could change my plans” He seemed unsure, yet I didn’t know why. 

“Well I don’t need you to stay” I replied, watching his shoulders sink a little and it made me happy to know that he was enjoying spending time with me as well. “But…I’d like you to stay. I’ve really missed hanging out with you Danny” I went on because I really wanted him to know how much it was true. “And I don’t want to get all sentimental on you or anything, but you have no idea how much it means to me that you are so accepting of what I am” 

“What you are?” He questioned, giving me an odd look. “I’ve always known you were a jerk face so why would I hold it against you now?” He was teasing and it made me laugh despite the tears in my eyes. 

“You know what I mean” I sniffled; turning my head away for a moment because despite the fact that I didn’t want to get sentimental I seemed to be heading that way regardless. 

“You’re gay Kris but it doesn’t define you. It’s just a part of you and it’s not my place to judge you because of it. You’re still my Brother and that’s all that matters” He said next, causing the tears in my eyes to grow even more. 

“Keep that up and I’m going to have to hug you” I laughed. 

“Please…I get enough of that from Dad” The moment changed dramatically in that instant between the two of us at the mention of my Father. “Sorry Kris…I shouldn’t have said that” I just shrugged because I couldn’t think of a thing to say that wasn’t going to cause me to break down in front of him. “Are you going to tell Adam about what I told you?” 

“I don’t know” I croaked, confused as to what I should do. 

“Kris…you should tell him” 

“I will, but not now” 

“When?” 

“I don’t know” I gave him the same answer as before and yet I had no idea why I was so afraid to tell him. “Adam’s birthday is this Friday and I’m taking him and all of our friends to a concert on Saturday. I hope you’ll stay and join us” I changed the subject because I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

“I’ll leave it for now” He said, thankfully giving me a reprieve. “So what concert are you taking everyone to?” He asked instead. 

“Lady Gaga” I whispered despite the fact that I knew Adam wasn’t anywhere around us to hear. “Adam’s going to shit when he finds out. I had to practically threaten to stop having sex with him to get him to ask for the weekend off from the theater and it’s been killing me to keep is a secret but it’s going to be so worth it when he finds out” 

“Lady Gaga…those shows sell out in like five seconds. I seriously doubt you are going to be able to find a ticket for me this late in the game” He looked to actually be pouting and I couldn’t help but smile smugly because there was no way that he wasn’t going to be there to celebrate with us. “What?” He asked when I just continued to smile at him. “Fucking what?” He cried out loudly when I still hadn’t said a word. 

“One of the perks of being an executive is that we have a private box at the venue she’s playing at” I grinned even wider, having already reserved the box in my name the moment I heard she was going to be playing in town. 

“How much is this costing you?” He questioned. 

“Doesn’t matter because Adam’s worth it” I replied without hesitation. “Tommy and Sutan are throwing a party here at the house for him Friday night and then Saturday were going to blindfold him and take him to the venue. Tomorrow while he’s at work we can stop off at the place where I bought my baby from and find a new car for him. I’m thinking something that has four doors, but is still fast and sporty. Now shut up Adam’s here” I rushed out under my breath, jumping out of the car before he had a chance to say anything. “Hey baby…” I called out to Adam as I rushed over towards him. “Brad…” I smiled at my co-conspirator for Adam’s birthday plans as we all walked towards the house. 

The night turned out to be lots of fun as we hung around in Tommy and Sutan’s living room drinking, while stories of embarrassment were exchanged between the four best friends while Daniel and I laughed like crazy. Danny and I shared a few stories of our own, but it was nothing compared to the craziness they had experienced together. It made me happy to know that Adam had such good friends, friends that would be there for him no matter what and it made me even happier to know that I could consider them my friends as well even though there was still concern from all of them that I would end up hurting Adam in the end. I pushed that thought away as I focused on a story Brad was telling about a time when Adam’s Mom had caught them having sex in front of her vegetable garden in her backyard while they were visiting her. I wasn’t too keen on hearing sexual stories about my lover and his ex, but I had accepted the fact that they had been in a relationship before he had met me. I hadn’t really heard why they were doing what they were doing in front of her vegetable garden because I was too busy sitting in Adam’s lap kissing the shit out of him, probably due to my jealously but I wasn’t willing to readily admit that to anyone. The room was silent when we broke apart and at first I thought it was about the kissing, but as I looked around the room and found looks of shock on everyone’s face, except for Danny whose held a look of guilt. “It just came out. I didn’t mean to say it” He blurted out, his eyes huge as we all watched Brad run from the room. 

“What did you say?” Adam asked, his body taunt as he pushed me off of his lap and onto the couch he was sitting on. 

“I was just saying how lucky you both were that your Mom accepted you because our parents are teachers of conversion therapy and would have…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Adam was racing down the hallway after Brad. 

“I better go check on the baby” Sutan said next, leaving the room and forcing Tommy to go with him. 

“Why…why would you say that?” I stammered, shocked, hurt and jealous all rolled into one. 

“It just slipped out. You know how I get when I’m drunk…I have no filter. I didn’t mean it” He was babbling and as much as I knew he felt bad for what he said I ignored him as I ran off after Adam. 

“Brad…baby come on and open the door” I heard Adam speak towards the closed wooden door of the bathroom, my heart freezing in my chest at the causal use of the word baby. 

“What’s going on?” I asked quietly, not understanding the look he gave me before turning his attention back towards the door. 

“Brad was forced to go through two different types of conversion therapy when he was younger” I heard Tommy’s deep voice answer, the same look on his face that Adam had. 

“I didn’t know” I replied, my heart breaking for Brad because despite the fact that I knew what it was, I had no idea what it entailed and by the way the normally vibrant Brad was acting I had a feeling that it was something really bad. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Adam growled, his voice sounding almost accusing as I fought the urge to cry right there in front of both of them. 

“I only found out last night” I rushed out, feeling so uncomfortable at the way they were both still staring at me. “I was going to tell you but I thought I would wait until after Danny was gone” I had tears in my eyes as I finished those words because Adam still look a little too pissed off as he turned back to the door and used a soothing voice to try and coax Brad out of the bathroom. 

“I want to talk to Kris alone” We all heard Brad say as he cracked open the door and peeked out. 

“Brad…just come out and talk to us” He pointed between he and Tommy, my heart shifting painfully once again. 

“I want to talk to Kris alone” He said again, slamming the door in their faces.

“He’s already upset…don’t make it any worse” Adam said in the same voice he had spoken to me earlier as I moved my way between Adam and the door. 

“Brad…it’s me” I said, slamming my shoulder painfully on the frame when Brad opened the door just enough to grab my hand and jerk me through the small opening he made. I didn’t say anything when the door was slammed shut once again, Brad pacing back and forth in the confined space for a moment before he sat on the floor and buried his face in his hands. I still remained silent as I sat on the floor next to him wondering why the hell he only wanted to speak to me when he had people he had been friends with longer dying to be there for him in the hallway. 

“What’s going on?” I heard Sutan’s voice through the door, figuring he was ushering them away as Adam and Tommy’s words grew faint. 

“Did you really just find out last night?” He finally broke his silence as he looked up at me with tear filled eyes. 

"Yes" I had tears in my own eyes because I could see how conflicted and confused he was, but also due to the fact that I hadn't really allowed myself the chance to deal with what Daniel had told me.

"Are you ok?" He asked as I looked over at him in shock. 

"How bad was it?" I asked instead of answering his question because as much as I didn't want to know, a part of me really did and the fact of the matter was that I really didn’t know what I was feeling about any of it. 

"The first time it was just a bunch of people trying to pray me into straightness and when that didn't work they sent me to this place that felt torturing me would work better" I watched as a shudder ran down his entire body and before I could stop myself I wrapped him up inside my arms. “I don’t ever talk about it…not ever” He mumbled into my chest, rocking our bodies back and forth. “You can’t tell them Kris…you can’t” I could feel his tears though my shirt and it caused my own tears to begin to fall because I hated that he was hurting. “It doesn’t work. No matter how much they tried to change me nothing worked. I couldn’t stand to see what happened to me happen to you. You have to promise me that you won’t tell them” His eyes were near frantic as he looked up at me the tears still flowing down his face. You’re my family now Kris and that means something to me. I love you” 

“I love you too Brad” I whispered against the top of his head as I held him even tighter. 

He was quiet for a long time, the two of us just sitting there in the middle of the floor in silence. I wondered what was going on in the living room and worried for my Brother since I had no idea what was going on in any of their minds at that time, particularly Adam’s. “After my first failed attempt my parents brought me home and pretended that I didn’t exist. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house and the entire family ignored me when any of them saw me. I felt lonely and hurt, but I allowed myself to fall into a false sense of security and then one night three men burst into my bedroom and grabbed me. I tried to fight them, but they shot me up with something. I don’t know what it was but whatever it was I couldn’t move, but I was aware of everything, especially the fact that my own Mother and Father stood in the doorway of my bedroom and allowed their only son to be taken. I had no idea where I was going and I was so fucking scared that I pissed all over myself before I got there. That first night they locked me in a padded room with nothing in it as someone stood outside my door and read from the bible. The room looked just like what you would expect from some of those weird movies that Tommy sometimes makes us watch. Everything was white and soft and I was so petrified that I begged and pleaded until I had no voice for someone to release me, but the more I begged the louder the person outside prayed for me” 

“Brad…you don’t have to” I whispered against his ear. 

“No…it’s ok. It’s time. I’ve never really told any of them about it because I wasn’t ready…it was too hard” He hiccupped, sitting up a bit, but still close enough that he was leaning against me. “I trust you Kris. I know we had a rocky start at the beginning, but I meant it when I said that you are family” He was trembling so badly so I did the only thing I knew how to do and tucked him back into my arms. "The next morning they forced me to take a cold shower and then made me wear an outfit made out of wool. It was itchy and uncomfortable and scratched at my genitals whenever I moved. They made me run for hours around this track in a room and then I was forced to scrub that same room with a toothbrush. They didn't allow me to bathe and it was days before they fed me, the entire time still being read to from the bible and preached to about my evil choices" 

Brad was shivering so hard that both of our bodies were moving. "Brad...you don't have to say anymore” The problem was that I didn't know if it was more for his benefit or mine. It broke my heart to know that the family that was supposed to love him unconditionally could put him through something so horrible and it of course made me wonder if my family would do it to me once or if they ever found out. 

"I'm actually glad that I can share this with you” He sniffled against my neck. "I've only ever told my shrink" 

"You know that I won't ever tell anyone...not even Adam" I assured because I knew how hard it had to be for Brad to trust me. 

"I should've told him. Lord knows I put him through enough hell at the beginning of our relationship" I didn't know what to say about that and so I remained silent. "The first time we tried to make love I completely freaked out. I locked myself in the bathroom for almost two hours before he coaxed me out” Again I said nothing because despite the situation I really didn't want to hear about their sex life. "Sorry baby...I shouldn't have said that" He said as he looked at me through guilt filled eyes.

"This isn't about me" I replied, leaning back against the sink when he moved away from me. 

"But it kind of is because if you hear my story then maybe it will stop you from having it happen to you" He explained lunging forward and hugging me quickly before pulling back. "For several days they forced me to do the same thing over and over again…running and cleaning and then more running and cleaning. I had no idea how any of that was supposed to change me and at the beginning I questioned them constantly, refusing to do what they wanted me to do, but I got over that quickly when each time I did anything to challenge them I was beaten. I learned very quickly to just go with it, but then just as I was growing accustom to the schedule they changed it up. I was forced to go into a classroom where they would strap me down to a chair, taping some sort of electric device to my penis while making me watch gay porn" 

“Oh my god” I cried out, my breathing frantic as I fought the urge to vomit because I already knew how that story was going to end. 

“The pain was unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life. I tried to control myself but I was just barely seventeen and just about anything got me hard at that time. I thought I was going to die and I was forced to do this day after day for god knows how long because eventually the days all blended in together. It was pure and simple torture and I felt with each day that passed I was slowly losing my mind. I wished death upon myself over and over again and yet it never came until one night I was given the opportunity to end my suffering once and for all” I didn’t want to hear it because once again I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say but I knew Brad needed for me to hear it so I just kept my mouth shut once again. “The guard who was watching me left me in the kitchen alone one night as he went and talked to someone else. He had been using a knife to cut the apple he was eating and left it on the counter as I sat at the table. It felt like the happiest day of my life as I grabbed the knife and hid it in the leg of my pants, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t notice when he came back. When he did come back he jerked me out of my chair and dragged me back to my cell, not even noticing the knife was missing. I waited what felt like hours before I pulled it out of my pants. I didn’t even hesitate to slit my wrists because I would rather be dead then have to deal with anymore of their torture. I had a smile of my face as I laid down on the floor, watching as the blood drained from my arms. I remember feeling so happy and so light as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep knowing that they couldn’t hurt me anymore” 

“Fuck…” I sobbed, burying my face in my hands as I cried over every bit of pain and injustice he had endured. 

“I woke up in a hospital room having no idea how I’d gotten there or why I was still alive” He continued to speak as I continued to cry. “I found out much later that the guard that I stole the knife from had found me nearly dead when he came by to check on me later. Thankfully the doctor who was treating me didn’t buy whatever story they had told him and called the police. My parents were called, but they refused to come and get me, in fact they told the police that they had made a mistake and denied that they even had a son. Thankfully they tracked down an Aunt of mine who was willing to come down and take care of me. She didn’t have a problem with who I was and I lived with her until I turned eighteen and decided to move to California. It wasn’t easy dealing with everything that happened to me and I was angry and destructive for a long time, but then I met Adam and he made me want to change myself. I started seeing a shrink and talking about my feelings and little by little I was able to process some of it. I still have times where I get angry and want to shut myself away from the world, but then I remember that I have amazing friends who accept me for who I am and are there for me even though I haven’t been able to tell them about it” 

“I so sorry that they did that to you Brad” I hiccupped pulling him back into my arms where we cried together until neither of us had any more tears to cry. “Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me about it” I finally broke the silence, hugging him even more because I just felt the need to. “You really are an amazing person” 

“Preaching to the choir Kristopher” He sang back, but I could still hear the sadness in his voice. “Maybe we should go back out there” He grew serious once again as I reluctantly let him go and watched him stand up. 

“Only if you are ready” I said, standing up as well before taking his hand into mine. 

“I’m ready and I’m sure your Brother is probably mortified by my running away like that” 

“He’ll be ok” I assured, although I was worried about him as well. “Brad…do you think you will ever tell them?”


	18. Chapter 18

“Maybe one day but after tonight I don’t think I could deal with talking about it anytime soon” He shrugged, trying to play it off but I could see by the lines on his face and the tiredness in his eyes that it really was affecting him. “Just remember you promised me that you wouldn’t tell them” Adam was fussing all over him the minute he opened the door, not even giving me a glance as he jerked our hands apart and ushered Brad into the living room. 

“Are you ok?” I asked my Brother, finding him exactly where I had left him. 

“I just want to get out of here” He whispered, but I knew Sutan had heard him by the look of sadness he shot my way. I had no idea what had gone on while I was in the bathroom with Brad, but I had a feeling it wasn’t good and it was all from Adam. 

“Yeah…” I replied, watching as Adam continued to fawn over Brad. “Let’s go” I said to Daniel as we both got up and headed for the door. I didn’t say anything to anyone because I had no idea where I stood with any of them and yet I had no idea why because I hadn’t even done anything. They didn’t seem to care or mind as we exited the house, Brad calling out after me as we reached my car. 

“Go after him you idiot” I heard him say to Adam before he shoved him down the front porch stairs. 

“I think I’m going to stay at Brad’s tonight and make sure he’s ok” He said in a flat tone once he reached me. 

“Fine…” I replied with my own tone, an anger building up in me because of the way he was acting towards me. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else as I opened the car door, not that I expected him to say anything. 

“Kris wait…” I heard Brad cry out once again, pushing Adam into the side of the car as he ran up to me. “I just wanted to say thank you” He whispered against my ear. 

“You don’t have to thank me for being your friend” Was my reply as I hugged him back. “No matter what I’m always going to be here for you” 

“You’re angry with him” I didn’t know if it was a statement or a question and I didn’t care as I pulled back and looked him in the face. 

“Yes…but not because of you” I assured. 

“Kris…” He went to say something else but I cut him off as I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips and hugged him once again. 

“I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you and you know if you need anything you just have to call” I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else as I climbed into my car and sped off. My Brother and I rode in silence the entire way home, my mind a whirling mess as I tried to figure out what the hell had happened and how it had come to involve Adam and myself. “What did he say to you?” I asked as I pulled into my parking space, looking over at my sober Brother who seemed to be fighting a war of wanting to answer my question, yet not. “I said what did he say to you?” I asked again because I knew that Adam had said something and Daniel was only trying to protect him. 

“He told me that it was all my fault that this had happened. He said that if I had only kept my big fucking mouth shut I wouldn’t have ruined our evening. I didn’t mean to say anything Kris” He rushed out; tears in his eyes which only served to kick my anger with Adam up yet another notch. 

“I know you didn’t” I assured, releasing my seatbelt before leaning across the car to awkwardly hug him. 

“I don’t even know what the fuck happened. I mean one minute he was so concerned about getting Brad out of the bathroom and then he was screaming at me about how much of an idiot I was for opening my mouth when Brad dragged you in. I just wish that I hadn’t told you anything about Mom and Dad and then we really wouldn’t be in the predicament” 

“You’re not an idiot and I’m glad you told me” I assured again, climbing out of the car and slamming the door loudly in frustration. “Come on lets go to bed” I waited until he was beside me before I walked towards the underground entrance to my apartment complex. 

“Is he coming home tonight?” I head him ask as we made our way into the elevator. 

“No…and I’m glad he’s not because honestly I want to punch him in the face for the way that he treated you tonight” I was near livid when we finally made it into my apartment, running straight towards the bar and downing two shots of vodka before I felt myself start calm down just a touch. “Son of a bitch” I screamed, throwing the shot glass across the room and watching with no real satisfaction as it shattered against the wall. 

“Kris…please” I heard my Brother beg as I grabbed another glass and filled it with more vodka. “Who the fuck does he think he is to treat you like that…to treat me like that?” I yelled into the air, not expecting an answer from my Brother as I downed the shot and poured yet another. “We didn’t deserve to be treated the way we were tonight” I brought the glass to my lips, nearly choking on the liquid when the buzzer from the lobby rang loudly around us. 

“Do you want me to answer it?” Daniel asked, but I just shock my head as I poured another shot. “This isn’t going to fix anything” He replied with a look of determination on his face as he grabbed the glass from my hand, downing the shot himself before plucking the bottle off of the bar and taking it with him as he walked over towards the wall next to the door. “Yes…” I heard him say as he pressed the button to the intercom. “Send him up” I heard next, already searching for something else to drink instead of punching my Brother for not only stealing my liquor but for also going against my wishes. 

“Whatever you have to say don’t bother because I don’t want to hear it” I cried out when the elevator doors opened and Sutan walked out. 

“Kris…” I heard my Brother say my name with an air of warning to his voice but I just ignored him as I grabbed an unopened bottle of scotch from the shelf, and walked with it into the living room 

“Don’t fucking Kris me” I hollered over my shoulder, falling heavily onto the couch because the effects of my earlier shots were starting to take effect. 

“Look...I know you’re confused about the way that Adam reacted but you have to know why he acted like that” Sutan ignored me, grabbing the bottle out of my hands as I fumbled trying to get it open. 

“I’m not confused…I’m pissed…big difference” I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest like a spoiled brat but I didn’t care because I was slightly drunk and really pissed at Adam’s behavior and the fact that everyone in my home kept taking my booze away from me. 

“This really has nothing to do with you” He ignored me yet again, handing the bottle to Danny before sitting down on the chair in front of me. “I’m sure you already know that Brad has never told any of us about what really happened to him while he was at the conversion therapy camp. It was so hard for both of them when he and Adam first started dating because Adam really loved Brad, but he was always so secretive about it no matter how much Adam was there for him” I really didn’t want to hear anything about Adam and Brad’s relationship as I fell onto my side and closed my eyes. “We all knew that their relationship was destined to fail because of it, but Adam refused to let go and tried and tried until Brad freaked out and cheated on him. Adam always blamed himself for the relationship ending and felt that he had failed Brad in some way because of it” 

“That’s so stupid” I cried out, jerking myself upright. “Brad takes full responsibility for the break up. He doesn’t blame Adam for any of it” I recalled the conversation I had had with Brad the morning after running into him at the club the night when Adam and I had first started dating. 

“Adam refused to believe that and even though it doesn’t excuse the way that he treated you and your Brother tonight…it’s just a really sore subject for him whenever something like this comes up” He continued to explain, looking so sad that it made me feel bad for being such a dick to him. “I’m really sorry for the way that you were treated tonight” He said to my Brother, getting up and hugging him quickly. “I know that you didn’t say what you said to be mean or spiteful and Tommy knows that too but he’s very close to Adam so when he’s upset Tommy always has his back no matter what” Sutan shrugged, shoulders slumped as he fell back onto the chair. 

“Tommy yelled at you too?” I asked, looking between the two of them. 

“He told me to get the fuck out of his house” Daniel finally spoke, looking almost as defeated as Sutan as he sat heavily on the arm of the chair beside him. 

“And I told Tommy if he didn’t want to sleep in the backyard then he would shut the fuck up and leave Danny alone” Sutan spoke up, letting me know that at least one of them had defended my Brother. 

“Look…I’m not mad at anyone” Danny said, resting his hand on Sutan’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. 

“I am” I shot out ignoring the looks the two of them were giving me. 

“As you should be” Sutan said, shocking me. “The way Adam acted was mean and hurtful. 

“I didn’t say I was hurt” I defended myself even though I was hurting so badly inside. 

“No…but your eyes say you are” Sutan said, Danny nodding in agreement with him. 

“Whatever…I’m going to bed” I sneered, not caring that I was being rude, not caring that nothing was really resolved but wanting nothing more to be alone because I knew if I didn’t leave that I was going to break down into a bawling mess right there in front of the two of them. I could hear them talking as I stumbled my way down the hallway and into my bedroom, slamming the door loud enough to wake the dead once I reached it. I laid there for several hours refusing to cry, but failing as I knew I would when my phone started ringing from inside my pants pocket. I didn’t answer it as I fished it out of my pocket; put it on silent before dropping it on the floor. I wept quietly to by myself until I was too exhausted to cry anymore and eventually fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

I heard shouting when I woke up; both Danny and Adam’s screaming at each other in a way that I knew if I didn’t intervene would end up in a fight. Dragging myself out of bed I stood in the hallway for a few minutes and listened to what they were arguing about despite the fact that I already knew. “You want to be pissed at me for what I said last night…fine” Danny yelled. “But you had no reason to treat Kris the way that you did. I had only told him the night before about our parents and you’d think that you would understand that maybe he needed to come to terms with it himself before he told you about it. But you know what pisses me off the most is that you were more worried about your ex-boyfriend and his feelings then the one you claim to love right now. It was like you didn’t even take into consideration what he was feeling and then you just fucking took off with Brad like Kris didn’t even matter” 

“I tried to call him last night but he wouldn’t answer any of my calls” Adam yelled back, as I leaned against the wall and tried not to cry yet again because no matter how much I had said Adam hadn’t hurt me, he really had. 

“Can you fucking blame him” Danny shot back in such an angry voice that it kind of scared me. “You treated him like a piece of shit over something that you should have completely understood about. This has all been so new and shocking to Kris. He’s told me all about your Mother and how patient and understanding she was when you finally came out, but Kris never had that and then he had to learn from me that he never will. You should have seen his face when I told him. He tried to pretend that it wasn’t a big deal, but you could tell that he was completely devastated. You were lucky enough to have a loving family who was and is accepting of you, but Kris had to move out of the State he was born in to find acceptance and even when he got here he still felt he couldn’t find it. You have to know that he’s scared shitless about people finding out about his sexuality, but for you he’s willing to try and push past those fears, but it’s going to take some time” I wanted to hug my Brother for the way that he was defending me and then at the same time I wanted to punch him for telling Adam what I had told him when I finally came out to him. 

“I know that” I heard Adam say, the anger from earlier seemingly gone. 

“Then if you know that then be fucking patient with him. You love him Adam…I know you do. I can see just how much in the way that you look at him, but let me just tell you this…” He paused for a moment and it caused me to chuckle under my breath because I knew he was doing it for dramatic purposes. “If you fucking hurt him again like you did last night then know that I will kick your fucking ass. I may tease my Brother and give him a hard time, but we’re family and I will do anything for him” 

“I didn’t mean to hurt him” Adam replied, sounding so sad that it broke my heart. 

“Yet you did” Daniel reminded. 

“Are you going to let me talk to him?” Adam asked, chuckling yet again as my Brother stood there in front of him actually debating. 

I didn’t say anything as I walked past the two of them into the kitchen, ignoring them both when they rushed in after me, each trying to speak over the other. I still ignored them when I heard the kitchen table being shifted around, finding the two of them in almost a head lock. “Knock it off” I finally spoke, grabbing three mugs out of the cabinet and placing them loudly on the table. “Sit…” I demanded giving them both a look that dared them to challenge me. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re pissed at me for” Daniel grumbled as he shoved Adam away from him but taking a seat nonetheless. 

“Kris…can I just talk to you?” Adam asked, but I ignored him because I really wasn’t ready to speak to him yet. 

“Just sit the fuck down and let him play out his drama” I heard my Brother grunt as he tugged Adam into the chair next to him. 

I turned to look at both of them as I waited for the coffee to finish brewing. I still said nothing as I poured myself a cup of coffee, placing the pot in the middle of the table so they could fend for themselves. The silence around us was heavy as they both stated at me in wait of what I had to say, but the fact of that matter was that I really had nothing to say. The silence proved to be too much as I placed my half empty cup on the table and walked out of the kitchen. “Kris…” I heard Adam call out after me but I didn’t stop as I continued towards the bedroom. “Will you just fucking talk to me” He sounded irritated as he grabbed onto my arm and forced me to turn and face him. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say to you Adam” I shot out, my own anger starting to spike. 

“I messed up last night. I put Brad above you and I shouldn’t have done that but you have to understand that it was a shock for me to find out about your parents” I watched as Daniel flinched at those words because he knew that Adam had said the wrong thing and I wasn’t going to take it. 

“Fuck you Adam” I cried out, jerking my arm out of his hold as I watched my Brother slink down the hallway and back into his bedroom. “You don’t think that it was a shock for me to learn that about my parents. All this time I’ve been fucking petrified about telling them and you knew that and when I was finally getting closer to telling them I find this out” I walked towards the other side of the living room because I really wanted to punch him at how insensitive he was being. “And you know what I wasn’t even upset about the fact that you were trying to help Brad because I know how close the two of you are and how what happened to him affected you too, but I’m fucking livid over the fact that you acted like I was keeping something from you and then the way that you treated Daniel…unacceptable” 

“You don’t understand how upsetting it was for Brad when he heard Daniel say that. It’s a very sore subject for me and…” 

“I get it” I cut him off, completely pissed that he didn’t seem to be getting where I was coming from. “I get it” I cried out again, fighting the urge to stomp off into my bedroom because I just didn’t want to deal with Adam and his bullshit any longer. “Sutan told me everything earlier this morning when he came over, but I’ve already told you that this has nothing to do with you and Brad and everything to do with how you treated me and my Brother. I was going to tell you Adam but I thought that it would be better to do it after Daniel left. I wanted us to enjoy the time that he had left here and then after talking to you we would decide what I should do, but you acted like I was keeping this huge secret from you. This has been so hard for me Adam and I was going to tell you but only after Daniel left and I was able to deal with it myself” 

I know and I'm so sorry for that" He rushed across the room and pulled me into his arms but I wasn’t having it as I pushed him away. I loved Adam very much but I was still so hurt and angry at the way he had been treating me. "No..." I cried out, moving away from him. "You can't just say you're sorry and think everything is going to be fine” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him from across the room. I knew I was going to give into Adam eventually but I was going to hold onto my anger for as long as I could.

"What do you want me to do?" Adam asked, my anger weaning at the sadness and frustration I saw staring back at me. 

"I don't know" I shrugged; my shoulders slumped because as angry as I was I hated the idea that he was hurting. I caved quicker than I expected as I lunged onto his arms and held on tight. 

"I'm so sorry Kris...so sorry" I heard him sniffle against my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. 

"I hate fighting with you Adam" I said as I looked up into his wet eyes. 

"I know baby...I hate fighting with you too” No other words were spoken as he leaned down and kissed me. I knew nothing had been solved but I really didn't have the energy to fight with him anymore. "Fuck...I've got to get to the theater" He cried out when his cell phone chimed in his pocket. "Do you want me to come home tonight!?" He asked me nervously. 

"Of course I do" I replied, leaning up and kissing him before either one of us could say anything else. 

"Ok..." He sounded relived as he kisses me quickly once again before heading for the door. "We can talk tonight when I get home. I love you Kitty" I heard him say as he lingered by the door. 

"I love you too" I replied with a small smile as he closed the door. 

"Are you guys ok?" I heard my Brother asked as I turned around and found him standing behind me. 

"I’m not sure" I shrugged because I had no idea where we stood really. 

"Do you still want to go to the car dealership?"

"I guess" I shrugged again, unsure of what I wanted to do. "Let’s go for breakfast and then I can decide what I want to so" We really didn't talk much during breakfast and before I knew it we were back home with the keys to Adam's brand new car hidden in a drawer in my computer desk. When Adam got home later that night we didn't talk as we should have. In fact I pretended I was asleep as he crawled onto the bed beside me and proceeded to pull me into his arms before falling asleep himself. The rest of the week we pretty much pussyfooted around what had happened and as angry as I still was, I was more worried about getting into another fight with him and so I ignored my feelings.


	20. Chapter 20

Before I knew it the week was over and we were preparing for Adam's birthday party. "How do I look?" I heard Adam question as he walked out of the bathroom dressed in a pair of tight leather pants and an almost see through long sleeved shirt. His hair was slicked back and so shiny that it almost looked wet, but it made him look even sexier than he already was. "I guess I look pretty hot by the way you are staring at me" He teased and it causes me to giggle and blush at the same time. 

"Smoking hot" I teased, licking my forefinger and making a sizzling sound as I touched his chest. 

"You know we could blow off Brad's party and just stay home and fuck our brains out" He growled against my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist and jerked me against his body, his hardness pressing against my thigh. 

"Are you trying to get us both killed?" I groaned when his lips traveled down my neck, nipping and licking at it in a way that was getting me hard as well. “You know how much time and effort Brad put into this party. If we don’t show up he will kill you and me”

“It’s my birthday and if I want to stay home and fuck my amazing and sweet Kitty then I should be able to” He whispered hotly against my ear, my hands grabbing onto his shirt in reflex because my knees were starting to give out. 

"Time to go" We both heard Daniel yell on the other side of the door. "I don't know how the hell Brad got my phone number but he's been blowing it up for the last fifteen minutes"

"Go away" Adam snapped before leaning down to kiss me. 

"Do not make me come in there because trust me if I see either one is you doing anything sexual I am not responsible for what I might do next" Daniel warned, banging on the door loudly.

"I'm willing to find out what he will do" Adam grumbled, almost growling when I giggled and pushed him away. 

"Come on baby...I'll make it up to you later" I promised as I leaned up and kissed him quickly before talking his hand and leading him out into the hallway. 

"I love it when you call me baby” He smiled down at me. “But I hate you" He growled at my Brother as we walked past him.

"No you don't" I laughed, patting him on his ass playfully as I urged him towards the elevator. "Did you do what I asked?" I questioned when I was sure Adam was out of ear shot. 

"Yes...dammit. You only told me ten times” He shot back with a glare.

"Told you to do what ten times?" We both heard Adam questioned when he walked back into the foyer. I wanted to laugh at the deer on the headlights look on Danny's face but instead I fussed at Adam for being nosey before smacking him on his ass playfully one more time. 

"Am I taking a cab or the bus to Sutan and Tommy's?" He asked once we were in the elevator.

"So how does it feel to be one step closer to thirty?" Daniel asked with such a straight face that it caused me to crack up because we both knew how much Adam hated the idea of turning thirty.

"You little bitch" Adam growled with a full pout which only made me crack up even more. "I hate both of you so much right now" He looked so cute in a full pout with his arms crossed at his chest that I couldn't help but lean up and kiss him. "You are both so mean to me"

"I know baby and I'm sorry” I played along as I took his hand and led him onto the parking garage.

"We still have a problem..." He began, cutting himself off rather quickly when I walked us up to a brand new car with a big sparkly bow on top of it.

"Happy birthday Adam" I cried out happily when I watched his mouth open and close several times with no words coming out. 

"You bought me a car?" He asked with a bit of shock to his voice. "You can't buy me a car"

"Yes...and of course I can" I laughed giddily, almost jumping up and down in excitement in front of the beautiful car. "She runs like a dream" I exclaimed, pulling the keys out of my pocket and holding them in front of Adam. "I can't wait for you to drive her"

"I can't take that" He replied, almost sounding angry. "You can't just buy me a car Kris" 

"What the fuck Lambert" I heard Daniel counter, looking ready to beat my boyfriend into the next week. "Kris went to a lot of trouble to make sure this car was ready and delivered today"

"I can't take this. It's too much” He pushed the keys I still held on my hands towards me before walking away. 

"Get in the car" I said to my Brother as I nodded towards the passenger side door. Its ok" I mouthed as he continued to shoot dagger eyes at Adam. 

“What the hell made you think that buying a car was ok?” He asked me harshly the moment I walked over to him. 

“I thought that I was doing something nice for my boyfriend” I responded through clenched teeth because I was already more than a little sick and tired of Adam and his constant mood swing, plus the fact that I was still a little bit angry from our previous fight over Brad. 

“Doing something nice is buying me a bike or maybe even a bus pass…you don’t go out and buy expensive fucking cars” He ground out, shooting me a look so evil that it caused me to lose what little sanity I had left. 

“Well I bought you a fucking car so do with it what you want because I don’t give a shit” I threw the keys at his chest hard enough that I knew it hurt by the wince of pain that crossed his angry features. “I can’t fucking win with you anymore” I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Everything that I do is wrong” I continued to rant. “If he doesn’t want it then you fucking drive it back home with you” I yelled at my Brother as he climbed out of the back seat. I ignored both of them as I climbed into my own car next to Adam’s and sped out of the parking garage. I thought about all the places that I could go, thinking how I really just wanted to go to a bar and get shit fucking drunk but instead I found myself parked in front of Sutan and Tommy’s place bawling like a baby once again. 

“Come on sweetie” I heard Sutan speak softly after opening my door and helping me out of the car. “He’s already called and told us what happened” He said as we walked towards the front porch. 

“I just can’t win” I hiccupped, large tears falling down my face as we entered his home. 

“I know baby…I know” He soothed, leading me into the bedroom, Mothering me until I laid down on his and Tommy’s bed. 

“You all were so worried that I was going to be the one that hurt him but he’s been hurting me so much lately and I don’t know how much more I can take” I sobbed, feeling almost drunk despite the fact that I hadn’t had a drop of liquor all night. 

“I know” He replied again, sitting down on the bed next to me. “He’s an idiot” He smiled down at me sadly, his hand rubbing a soothing motion up and down my arm. 

“He a fucking retarded, moronic idiot” I heard Brad holler as he rushed into the bedroom with a pitcher of something bright red in his hand. 

“I second that emotion. I mean you bought him a fuckingly awesome brand new car. I mean most fucking men would fall to their knees and suck their boyfriend’s dick right in the parking garage if it was them. Shit…I’d fuck mine in the middle of downtown L.A. for a used one” Tommy chimed in behind Brad with glasses in his hand. 

“So not the point blondie” Brad shot back over his shoulder handing the pitcher to Sutan before sliding onto the bed beside me. “I’m sorry he’s being a dick weed again” He hugged me tightly, causing me to laugh a second later when he pushed me away and reached for the full glass Sutan held out towards him. “Right now we are going to forget about him and drink” I didn’t hesitate when he handed that same glass to me, downing more than half of it in one go. “Pace yourself Kristopher, we have all night” He shared a sad smile with me like Sutan had done earlier and it only caused me to finish the rest of the contents before holding it out towards Sutan for more. 

“Shit…I forgot Daniel” I realized after my second glass, my mind already a bit hazy from whatever it was I was drinking. 

“He’s already called and is on his way” Tommy spoke up from the end of the bed where he and Sutan were snuggled up together. 

“I can’t deal with Adam right now” I sighed, feeling the urge to cry once again because I truly was over Adam and his shit. 

“Oh Adam’s not with him” Tommy sniggered, taking a sip from his own glass. 

“I don’t even care” I sighed again, lying my head in Brad’s lap after he took my empty glass from me and nudged me down. 

“Wow…you really are pissed at him aren’t you?” Tommy asked, giving his lover a raised eyebrow when he was slapped on the leg. 

“It’s not even about being pissed” I replied, closing me eyes for a moment and enjoying the warm press of Brad’s fingers against my scalp. “It’s about the fact that no matter what I do I’m wrong. I mean I know at the beginning I deserved a lot of his anger and frustration, but lately I just feel that no matter what I do I’m in the wrong. He’s always so angry and quick to judge and I feel as if it’s a losing battle sometimes” 

“That’s because he’s a fucking loser” Danny’s loud voice replied as he walked into the bedroom, sending a wink towards Brad as he forced his way onto the bed between us. 

“Where is he?” I heard Tommy ask. 

“Well…last time I saw him he was looking up at me from the ground” He replied with a smirk. “But then I drove off in the car that he didn’t want so I’m not really sure what he’s doing now” 

“I think that we need lots more alcohol” Brad spoke up, urging me back into a sitting position before taking my hand and leading me into the living room. 

“I should go look for him” I sighed in defeat when I looked around the room and noticed all the birthday decorations they had put up before I’d got there.   
“You will do no such thing. If Adam wants to be an ass he can celebrate his birthday all by himself” Brad announced, the rest of the room agreeing with him as I was shoved onto the nearby couch, another glass placed in my hand. “This is supposed to be a party and god dammit we are going to have a party if it is the last thing that I do” And we did, somewhat. We continued to drink, someone cracking a joke every now and then until everything seemed funny to all of them except me. I played along, pretend laughing like they expected me to do, but my mind kept wandering to where Adam was and what he was doing. Eventually the laughter died off and everyone seemed to pair off. Sutan and Tommy were draped across the loveseat making out and practically dry humping each other in the process. Brad and Daniel were sitting on the floor in a corner talking, but even to my drunk eyes there was no doubt that there seemed to be some interest from both of them. I didn’t know if Daniel was into men or not and in truth I didn’t care because who was I to judge anyone after how my life had turned out. My heart ached for Adam despite the fact that I was angry at him and so fucking confused because it just seemed that all we ever did anymore was fight over everything. 

“I need air” I said to the room, but no one heard me as I struggled to push myself off of the couch before stumbling out onto the front porch. “We have you been?” I asked when I found Adam sitting on the porch swing I was aiming for. 

“I went to my Mother’s but she refused to let me in because she’s watching the baby, but not before yelling at me when I told her what happened” He spoke softly, his voice sounding so sad and broken. “I’ve been sitting here for the last hour or so just watching you and thinking” He shrugged, playing with a ring on his finger. 

I had nothing to say as I shuffled over towards the swing and plopped onto the seat next to him. “Does it hurt?” I asked, indicting towards the huge shiner covering the top portion of Adam’s face. 

“It doesn’t matter because I deserved it” He had tears in his eyes and even though I knew it was against my better judgment because I always gave in when it came to him, I reached out and took his hand. “I know that it doesn’t really mean anything but I really am sorry for the way that I acted”

“You were just so angry…you’re always so angry lately” I said a little bit softer, playing with his fingers as I forced myself to look up at him. “All we do lately is fight and make up and then fight and make up, but the fact is that we’re really not making up because we never really talk about it. I bought you that car so you would have your own transportation and not have to take the bus or depend on rides all the time. I thought that I would come in handy since my car is only a two seater. I thought it was a practical gift. I wouldn’t have bought it if I would have known it would piss you off so badly”

"If you want to know the truth I love it” He said, ducking his head but still looking over at me. 

"Then why did you get so angry?" I asked, confused and hurt at his behavior. 

"Because you're loaded and I'm broke...because I could never give you anything even remotely close to the value of a new car when your birthday rolls around"

"Do you think I care about that Adam?" I questioned, shocked and hurt that he seemed to think so little of me. 

“Of course you wouldn’t Kris because you have money” He tried to explain, but it felt more like a blow to the gut than anything else. 

“You know what Adam…fuck you” I cried out, pushing myself off of the swing and falling to the ground in my drunken state. “Don’t you fucking touch me” I yelled even louder when he tried to help me up. “I’ve worked hard for my money” I yelled even louder still once I got my footing and was able to pull myself onto my feet again. “And I’m not ashamed about the fact that I have it” 

“Kris…I’m not saying that you should be ashamed that you have money” He tried to reason with me, but I was long past reasoning by then. 

“But you are” I cut him off before he could say anything else. “Before I met you all I did was work and save my pennies because I had nothing that I wanted to spend them on and then you came into my life and I fell in love with you and all I wanted to do was make you happy. It’s just fucking money Adam…it doesn’t mean anything more or less than that. I don’t think that you are lesser of a man because you don’t have as much as I do. I’m actually jealous of the fact that you get to do what you love and get paid to do it” I admitted because it was totally true. “You know the fact of that matter is that you are going to be an amazing star one day and there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to be a hell of a lot richer than me” I was starting to sober up and I decided that I didn’t want to be as I turned and walked towards the front door. “Keep the car or I can return it…I don’t care either way” Although I really did care but refused to let Adam know that. “You’re friends are in here waiting to celebrate your birthday with you. I don’t want to deal with this or what’s been going on between us right now. Just…just…” I had no words as I opened the door and walked inside because yet again I was about to cry over how badly Adam had hurt me. “Please just let it go” I said to the room when I walked into the living room and found four pairs of eyes staring at me. “It’s his birthday so let’s try and salvage what is left of the evening” I knew Adam was behind me but I didn’t care as I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a straight shot of vodka.


	21. Chapter 21

“Not cool man” I heard Tommy say as Adam cautiously walked into the room. 

“Tommy….please” I begged, taking another shot before going back into the living room and taking Adam’s hand. “There’s food if you’re hungry and drinks” I nodded towards the kitchen. “Or we can have cake and open you gifts” I nodded towards the stack of brightly wrapped birthday gifts sitting on the coffee table in front of us. “Whatever you want” 

“I just want to talk to you” He said, tugging me closer to him. 

“No way” Daniel cried out. “Not unless you want another black eye”

“Not going to happen” Brad chimed in. 

“I don’t think so baby” Sutan said quietly but firmly. 

“Fuck that” Tommy piped up, shocking all of us because no matter what he was always on Adam’s side. “What?” He cried out when we all looked at him with shock on our faces, including Adam. “Adam I love you man…you know that” He went on. “But even you have to admit that you’ve been treating Kris like shit for a while now. I get why you’d be upset about the fact that he bought you a car…I do” He nodded towards Adam who just continued to stand in front of everyone looking as if he had lost everything. “And as much as I was anti-Kris at the beginning he’s proven to me…to us time and time again that you mean the world to him. He loves you man and if you keep it up you are going to lose the best thing that has ever come into your life” 

“Hey…” Brad protested quite loudly. 

“Oh whatever…you know what I mean. The two of you were always better off as friends. He will always love you for some stupid reason.” Tommy shrugged, causing everyone to laugh except for Adam and I. “What you have with Kris is real and you are going to realize that really rather quickly when he gets sick of your ass and moves on” 

Adam looked absolutely devastated at Tommy's words and it just broke my heart even more. "Come on" I said to him, tugging his hand and leading him towards Sutan and Tommy's bedroom. I could hear mumbling behind me but I ignored it as we walked into the room and closed the door softly behind us. "I love you you know" I assured as I moved in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you so much" I repeated, pressing my body against his because I wanted him to know I meant everything I was about to say. "I love YOU" I poked his chest with one finger before I wrapped my arm around his neck again. "I don't care that you don't have as much money as I do. I don't care that you can't buy me expensive things because you give me something so invaluable that you can't put a price on it" 

"Funny..." Adam huffed but there was nothing behind it. 

"You took me under your wing and showed me that being gay isn't such a horrible curse like I thought it was. Up until recently you've been very patient with me because you knew I was scared...but most importantly you've given me your love despite the fact it was against your better instincts. I get why you feel the way you do but I want you to know that I don't think lesser of you because of it...I never have and I never will. Like I told you before there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to be rich and famous one day and when you are I plan to retire and live off of you until I die" I giggled, pressing my nose into his neck and giving it a playful kiss. 

"I just feel like we should be equals and we're..."

"Baby...you are my equal...my partner and I can't stress enough how much I love you” I leaned up and kissed him, lying my hands on the side of his face. "We need to talk about everything else but for tonight can we just come to an agreement about being equals and move on from it" 

"I just don't feel like your equal" He replied softly, looking down at the floor. 

"But you are" I replied with a smile as I made him look up at me. "Let me ask you this" I decided to try another tactic. "If the situations were reversed would you feel any different about me? Would you love me any less?" 

"You know I wouldn't" Was his answer, his voice so low that I could hardly hear it despite the fact that I was pressed up against him. 

"I rest my case" I smiled even wider, feeling somewhat better about our current argument. 

"Ok...I'll keep the car" He said, kissing his way across my neck. "But no more fancy presents until I can return the favor"

"Um...." Was my reply as I stepped back and found fascination with the floor that time. 

"Um...what?" He asked, staring me down. 

"I may have another gift for you and I really can't return it because it’s kind of a group thing and they would kill me if I did and..."

"Kris breathe..." Adam giggled and I could tell his interest was peak by the spark in his eyes. "What is it?" He asked hesitantly, blushing like crazy. 

"IgotyouLadygagatickets" I rushed out once again afraid of the way he was going to react. 

"You got me what?" He questioned with wide eyes. 

"I got you Lady Gaga tickets" I said a little clearer, watching as Adam's face broke into the biggest most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. 

"Are you joking?" He asked, his body practically vibrating. "Oh my good Kris it's too much. I couldn't...really Lady Gaga?" I couldn't help but laugh giddily because I knew I had made Adam's year with those tickets. "How did you get them because they sold out so quickly? Oh my God Kris...Lady Gaga" He was practically shrieking and it caused me to laugh yet again. "You got tickets for everyone...that must have cost you a fortune" 

"Trust me they didn't cost me as much as you think" I cut him off before he started to lose his happy vibe. 

"Did you get them from a scalper Kris because you know most of those tickets are fake and that's very dangerous"

"Adam...I didn't get them from a scalper" I assured. "One of the perks of being an executive with my company is we have a box at the venue"

"I should say no after the car but Jesus its Lady Gaga” He cried out loudly, grabbing onto my arms and jumping up and down.

"Well technically the tickets were your original gift. The car was an afterthought when Tommy had to take you home that one night when Daniel first got here" 

"I love you so much" He whooped before he leaned down and kissed me hungrily. I was breathless once he broke the kiss, nearly choking on that same breath when he pushed me against the wall, fell to his knees and proceeded to give me the most intense orgasm of my life. "Are you ok!" He chuckled, looking up at me as he laid his cheek against my stomach. I couldn't find the energy to speak as I slid down the wall both of us chuckling when our foreheads connected. "Did I sweep you off of your feet Kitty" He teased, kissing me hotly once again before I could answer. 

"Get out here and open these damn presents we got for you Lambert” We both heard Brad yell through the door, the two of us falling into a fit of giggles as we continued to sit on the floor. 

“I love you Kitty” He whispered against my ear as he leaned into my neck and kissed it. 

“I love you too” I returned, thankful that at least for the moment everything seemed to be right between us. 

“Adam…talk to your boy” Brad yelled from the living room as he chased me around my home with an eyeliner pencil the next morning as he and Adam dressed for the concert. “Kris…you simply cannot go to a Lady Gaga concert dressed like that” He started calmly like he was talking to a child, gesturing at the jeans and t-shirt I had on. “This is Lady Gaga…you must dress like the rest of us little monsters” I had no idea what the hell he was talking about and I didn’t care as I took off past him intending to hide in the bathroom until we had to leave, but the sight of my Brother caught me off guard enough that Brad was able to tackle me from behind and maneuver me to the floor. “Stop fighting me and this will be over before you know it” 

“I’m pretty sure that this could be considered sexual harassment” I cried out in protest as he straddled my thighs and leaned across my body with the pencil still aimed for my face. “What the hell did you let him do to you?” I asked winded as I continued to fight Brad. 

“What…I think it looks cool” Daniel defended the garish makeup he had allowed Brad to plaster to his face. 

“You both look stupid” I continued to fight him off, realizing for the first time just how freaking strong Brad was. “Oh my god…” The breath rushed from my body as Adam exited our bedroom looking so hot and amazing in full make up and garb. “Ouch…” I cried out in pain when Brad took the opportunity to try and apply the eyeliner under my eye and poked me instead. “Get the hell off of me before you blind me” I pushed him off balance enough to get out from under him before running over towards Adam. “You look amazing” I fought the urge to touch him because I knew how long he had worked on his look and I didn’t want to ruin what I thought was pure perfection. 

“You could look that amazing too if you just fucking sit still” Brad cackled, coming after me again yet I wasn’t able to move as Adam wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing my arms to my sides as he pulled me against his body. “No Adam…” I whispered because I already knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“Please Kitty…for me. I’ve always wanted to see you all glammed up and this is the perfect opportunity” He pouted, kissing his way across my neck because he knew how sensitive I was there. “Come on my beautiful Kitty” He continued to taunt and torture my neck until I was putty in his hands and would have given him my soul if he had asked for it. 

“You are both so evil” I put up a halfhearted attempt at stopping what was going to happen, but as expected I found myself being dragged into the bedroom and before I knew it there was a completely different person staring back at me from the bathroom mirror. 

“Kris…” Adam growled behind me as Brad finished messing with my hair. 

“Oh hell no…I didn’t spend the last hour fighting with him to look this good to have you ruin it” Brad cried out, pushing me out of the room and back into the living room where I found my Brother smirking at me. “Watch him and make sure that Adam doesn’t get anywhere near him” I wanted to laugh at how stupid Brad was being because I knew that my Brother would never try and keep me away from Adam, but what I hadn’t figured on was just how much Brad had Daniel wrapped around his little finger. 

“What the hell Danny?” I questioned in the limo I had rented for the day, him and Brad sitting between Adam and myself as we rode to pick up Tommy and Sutan. “Brad tells you to jump and you throw yourself off of a cliff”   
“Funny…” He glared at me, his eyes growing soft when Brad reached out and patted his hand. 

“He knows who the real boss is” Brad giggled, leaning over and kissing my Brother on the cheek. 

“Do I even want to know what’s going on between the two of you?” I asked but all I got was secretive smiles shared between the two of them. 

"Haven't you figured it out yet that he likes me better" Brad taunted with an evil smile before he leaned forward and kissed my Brother on the cheek yet again. 

"I think you brain washed him" I countered back, looking over at Adam who seemed to be in a world of his own. I wanted to say something but I kept my thoughts to myself because as much as I wished he was speechless by my new look, I had a feeling it was over the rented limo and the money I’d spent. 

I was afraid that we were going to have another one of our drama filled situations but after we picked up Tommy and Sutan his mood seemed to lighten and he was practically vibrating by the time we reached the venue. "Are you excited baby?" I asked, reaching out and taking his hand as we were being led to our private box.

"I still can't believe you did this for me" He beamed at me, bringing our joined hands to his lips and kissing it. "I love it when you call me baby by the way" He lowered his voice as he leaned down to kiss me. 

"Keep it moving" Brad shoved Adam forward, blowing a kiss at me as I fought the urge to trip him down the stairs we were climbing.

"If he thinks I'm not touching Adam all day he has another thing coming" I grumbled as I fell in step beside Tommy and Sutan.

"Don't worry baby the minute Gaga comes out on stage Brad won't even know you and Adam exist” Raja laughed and true enough by the time the show started he was totally fixated on the stage in front of us and seemed completely unaware of the people around him. 

"God I love you so much" I heard Adam speak loudly against my ear as he moved behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. 

"I love you too" I hollered over my shoulder as I leaned back into his chest as he began to sway our bodies to the music. Truth be told I wasn't a fan of the singer on stage by any means, but if it made the man that I loved happy then I was willing to suffer gladly for him. “Are you having fun?” I asked much later during an intermission while people on stage rushed around and changed the already odd looking set to something even more odd looking. 

“I’m having a blast” Adam whopped, wrapping me tightly in his arms before he leaned down and kissed me breathless. 

“Save it for the bedroom” I heard Tommy yell out behind us, laughing into Adam’s shoulder as I watched Raja admonish him, but it was very short lived as he somehow wrangled her into his arms and did the same to her as Adam had done to me. 

“Oh my…” I heard Raja exclaim, looking so bewildered and happy that it made my heart swell. I didn’t think that the day could get any better but then I looked over at my Brother and Brad and even though they were only quietly talking there was something about the way that they were looking at each other that made me smile. I had no idea if my Brother was even into men, but I could tell that he was completely into Brad as he reached forward and took one of his hands nervously into his own. 

“What’s that all about?” I heard Adam ask, but I had no answer as I leaned up and gave him a sweet kiss. However it didn’t stay sweet for long as he quickly turned it into something that could only be called hot and dirty and for the first time ever I didn’t give a shit who saw us. 

“Oh shit…Kris” I heard Brad cry out, causing Adam and I to break apart when he pushed himself between us. 

“What the hell Brad” Adam cried out, but I was struck speechless as I looked over Brad’s shoulder and found someone I never expected to see at that show standing in front of our area. “Kris…are you ok?” Adam asked as my entire body went ridged at the voice I heard next confirming who I hoped it wasn’t.


	22. Chapter 22

“Allen is that you?” I heard one of the other executives and my biggest rival at the firm question as he continued to stand in front of us. “I was wondering who had purchased all the tickets to this show. I had promised to bring my girlfriend and her friends but it came as quite a shock to learn that they had all been sold considering who she is and what she stands for” He said, his eyes roving over Adam and myself before he moved them across the small section we were in and took in everyone standing around us. “I wouldn’t have figured you to be a Lady Gaga fan” His eyes locked on me again but I remained speechless because I was rooted there in utter fear. 

“I wouldn’t have figured you for a Gaga fan either” Brad spoke up for me, glaring at Frank Northman with so much hate in his eyes that I half expected him to explode before us. There was no love lost between Brad and Frank for the obvious reasons that Brad was openly gay and Frank was openly homophobic. He had been Frank’s secretary for exactly one day when he was hired at the firm before he was transferred to me the moment that Frank found out he was gay. 

“I’m not… I think this Gaga chick is a menace to society with her free loving ways, her stupid outfits and her support of fags in our military, but my girlfriend loves her” He replied, the disgust in his voice causing my Brother, Sutan and Tommy to move forward as if ready to kick his ass at the use of the word fag. “Allen is gay” He said under his breath but it was loud enough for all of us to hear him and by the smug look on his face I knew it was meant to be heard. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brad spoke up again, nudging me further away from Adam. “If you’re referring to his beautifully hot man well you have it all wrong because Adam is my boyfriend you fucking moron” Brad was practically growling, his body so tense that I could feel the vibrations coming off of him and I knew it was just a matter of time before he jumped the small barrier and did something that he was going to regret, despite the fact that Frank deserved it. 

“You watch your fairy mouth” Frank yelled at Brad, pure rage blazing across his face. “You show some respect to your superior or I will have your ass fired” He threatened, my fear starting to turn to anger because I had no idea who the hell he thought he was to talk to Brad like or to look at my friends and family as if they were dirty and disgusting. 

“I’m on my own time you douche and I can say whatever I want to your homophobic face” Brad spat back, Adam wrapping his arm around Brad’s waist because I was sure that if he hadn’t he was going to go over the bars of our private box to scratch Frank’s eyes out. 

“Why don’t you just leave before I make you leave” I heard Tommy’s deadly voice speak up behind us. “It’s obvious that you’re not wanted here so leave before this gets ugly” 

“Nice group of friends you have here” Frank seemed to completely ignore Tommy but I knew his words had been heard by the way he took a slight step back. “You seem to be the only normal one in the bunch beautiful. You know if I didn’t have a girlfriend I might have shown you what a real man can do for you” He said to Raja with a wink and despite my fear I couldn’t help but smile a little because he had no idea that Raja was in full out drag and I had no doubt she could whip Frank’s ass even with the huge heels she had on. 

“Really?” Raja asked in a really sexy voice, glancing at Tommy out of the corner of her eye before stepping forward and leaning over the railing. “You are kind of sexy” She smiled at him, tracing her finger across his cheek. 

I’m very sexy” Frank boasted proudly, his chest actually puffing out like a horny ape. 

“That you are” She purred, leaning forward and kissing Frank very slowly, making sure to press her lips tightly against his own. 

“Mmmm….so sexy” Frank grinned up at her once she broke the kiss and pulled back. “Give me your number baby and I promise to make it worth you wild” 

“Knock it off Frank” I finally found the will to speak up, hating that everyone seemed to be trying to protect me and as much as I loved them for it, it embarrassed me as well. “Raja go back to your boyfriend before he commits murder and ends up in jail” I nodded towards Tommy who was practically drooling with rage towards Frank. “Yes Frank…you’ve figured me out. I’m gay” I announced quite loudly, my body running on full adrenaline and anger. “These are all my gay friends and my gay friendly Brother” I indicated towards the people standing around me. “And this is Adam…my boyfriend and the man that I love very much” I smiled up at Adam as I curled into his side and laid my head against his shoulder. “Now as Tommy said to you a moment ago…you’re not wanted here and if you won’t leave…” I held up my hand when he went to speak. “I will not be held responsible for the broken bones and horrible pain that Tommy inflicts on you for kissing his lover” 

“She obviously wanted to kiss me” He leered over at Raja for only a moment before flinching back at the literal growl that came from Tommy. “Give me a call sometime beautiful” He winked at Raja once again before he turned his attention towards me. “Everyone at work is going to have a field day with this” He grinned, seeming to take so much delight in the fact that he was going to expose me and the secret I had been hiding since I had started there. “Kris has my number…call me if you ever want to be with a real man” He turned to look at Raja again, winking at her yet again before starting to walk away. 

“Of trust me honey…I sleep with a real man every fucking night” Sutan’s voice flew loudly out of Raja’s mouth causing Frank to stop dead in his tracks. “He knows how to suck my cock and fuck me until I’m begging for mercy” We all watched as the realization slowly began to sink in, his face growing white and horrified once he had. 

“OH MY GOD…YOU FUCKING FAG” He cried out, scrubbing at his mouth with the bottom of his shirt and spitting on the ground in between. Everyone was laughing as we watched him run away, almost near tears as he continued to rub at his mouth with renewed effort screaming at me over his shoulder as he did. “YOUR FUCKING CAREER IS OVER ALLEN…OVER” 

I seemed to lose all energy after that as I slumped completely into Adam’s body, everyone crowding around me with looks of worry and concern on their faces “Kris…baby…are you ok?” I heard Adam ask; looking more concerned than the rest of them but with a glow to his eyes that let me know just how proud he was of me. “Oh Jesus Kris, you shouldn’t have done that” I heard him say before he pulled me into his arms and crushed me against his body. “But I’m so proud of you…so fucking proud” I didn’t get a chance to say anything else as he leaned down and kissed me hungrily. 

“You did good boss” Brad squealed, jerking me out of Adam’s embrace and hugging me tightly. “I can’t believe that you stood up to that douche bag” He hugged me again before I was jerked out of his arms and over by Tommy and Raja.

“I’m so proud of you baby” Raja was beaming as she leaned down and kissed me on my cheek. “I know that had to be one of the hardest things for you to do but fuck Kris…you were so brave” There were tears in her eyes as she hugged me quickly before moving away to dab at her eyes while Tommy took her place. 

“You know I would have totally gone to jail for you right?” He asked once he pulled back, a look of pride on his face and truth in his eyes. 

“I know” I replied softly because it was all the energy that I could seem to muster. 

“You ok Bro?” I heard my Brother ask as I was guided over and hugged by him next. 

“Yeah…I’m ok” I replied even though I was still terrified at what was going to happen once I got to work on Monday. “Thank you all so much for defending me” I said to all of them, closing my eyes and taking a breather for a moment as Adam pulled me back into his arms. “I love you all so much and you have no idea how happy I am that I can call you family” 

“Of fuck…there goes my make up for sure now” We heard Raja cry out, all of us laughing and sniffling as we shared a group hug. No one seemed to be in the mood to stay for the second half of the concert, so we packed up our belongings and headed towards our waiting limo. The ride back home was quiet as we dropped off Tommy and Sutan first, it still quiet as we headed towards Brad’s apartment next. 

“You know…I think that I’m going to stay at Brad’s tonight” Danny broke the silence, a blush covering his cheeks as we all looked at him shock on our faces. “I think you and Adam need some time alone and Brad told me before that I could stay with him” He shrugged and as much as I wanted to question them about what was going on between them, the fact was I just didn’t have the energy to do it. I figured that Danny was a big boy and if he wanted to sleep with Brad who was I to stop him. 

“Ok…Brad can drop you off tomorrow or I can come and pick you up when you’re ready” I said, giving my Brother a small smile that I hoped conveyed that I was happy for him with whatever happened between the two of them. Adam was stone cold silent as I slumped against him, his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder.

“Night bitches…” Brad winked over his shoulder as he climbed out of the car. “I’ll bring Danny back to your place tomorrow before Adam leaves for the theater. I’ll even pick up lunch” Nothing else was said as he slammed the car door, he and Danny waving as we slowly pulled away from the curb. 

“Are you ok?” I questioned Adam, sitting forward when he still hadn’t said anything. I didn’t get a chance to say anything else or even get an answer as he hefted me backwards onto the leather seat, pressing my entire body into it as he captured my lips under his own. We made out like desperate horny teenagers until the driver was knocking on the window, alerting us that we were home. Our love making was just as desperate as Adam fucked me so hard in our bed that I literally passed out from the emotions and sensations running through my body. 

“What’s wrong with him?” I heard Brad ask Adam later that afternoon as we all sat around the kitchen table preparing to have lunch before he left for the theatre. 

“I’m fine” I replied with a smile, reaching under the table and taking Adam’s hand because I truly was feeling amazing and completely fucked out after another round of love making before Brad and Danny had shown up with lunch. 

“Very fine” Adam beamed over at me stupidly before leaning over and kissing me. 

“Uh huh…” Brad grinned, looking between the two of us. “I know that look…it’s the Adam fucked you through that mattress look” 

I chose to ignore his comment and focus on what was really on my mind. “So…what did you guys do last night?” I asked because I was dying to know and I needed Brad to stop talking about the fact that Adam had practically fucked me through the mattress that night because the images it caused to flash through my mind were causing me to get horny all over again. 

I watched as a look of panic crossed my Brother’s face, Brad’s eyes widening a little as well before he took a deep breath and spoke. “Slept…we slept” He replied quickly, shooting a small smile at Danny before he got up from the table and excused himself. 

“Is everything ok?” I asked my Brother because he looked generally miserable as he played with the food on his plate.

“I’ll go check on Brad” Adam said as he excused himself as well, leaving Danny and I alone. 

“Dan…” I said his name cautiously because I had no idea what was going on in his head and I wasn’t sure how far to push in case he really didn’t want to talk about it. 

“We didn’t do anything Kris” He bit out, glaring at me from across the table. 

“Ok…you know it wouldn’t matter if you did. I mean…” I paused for a moment because I really didn’t know what to say. 

“I wanted to and he didn’t” He spoke up before I could say anything. 

“What?” I asked in shock because I was sure that Brad liked my Brother as much as Danny seemed to like him. 

“We messed around a little bit…kissing and stuff but when I tried to take it a little further he stopped me” He sounded so sad that it broke my heart, yet I was pissed because I wasn’t sure what kind of game he was playing at. “Look…don’t be mad at him” He pulled me from my thoughts of murdering Brad. “I mean I can’t blame him…he’s pretty and fabulous and I’m me” 

“Danny…” I called out after him when he pushed himself away from the table and started to walk out of the kitchen. 

“I have to go back home tomorrow. Can we just not talk about this right now?” He questioned me as he lingered in the doorway. “I just want to spend some time with my Brother tonight before I head back to Conway” 

“Yeah…ok” I replied with a nod as I watched him walk away. I had no idea what the hell to think about what was going between those two and it was driving me nuts to see that they were both clearly upset over whatever it was. I was also upset about the idea of my Brother going back to Conway because I had really enjoyed having him around. 

“Brad gone?” I questioned Adam when he walked into the kitchen as I was cleaning up after our meal. 

“Yes….” Was his response as he came up behind me and pulled me into his arms. “He’s confused” 

“Who…Danny?” I asked because there was no doubt to anyone that laid eyes on Brad that he was an out and proud gay man. 

“Brad” He answered as I turned around in his arms because I had no idea what the hell Brad could be confused about. “They messed around some” Adam told me what I already knew. “Danny wanted to take it further but Brad stopped him” Again something that I already knew. “He wanted to but Danny told him that he had to go back home and he just couldn’t do it. I don’t know how or why but Brad’s really fallen for your Brother” Adam shrugged as he sat down on a kitchen chair, pulling me into his lap as well. “I think that they are both confused and maybe it’s a good idea for them to be apart for a little bit to see just what this means to them” 

“I hate that they’re hurting” I sighed into his neck as I laid my head on his shoulder. 

“Me too…but I think that Danny needs to think long and hard about who he is and what he wants before trying to start a relationship with Brad. I wouldn’t want Brad to go through all the hell I've gone through with you because it sure hasn’t been easy” I froze at those words because despite the fact that they were true they still hurt like crazy. “I’ve got to get ready to go” I could only nod, fighting back tears as Adam leaned up and kissed me before pushing me off of his lap. 

"You ok!" I heard my Brother ask as he walked back into the kitchen. 

"Yeah...fine” I lied, as I turned away quickly and wiped at my wet eyes. "So what do you want to do today?" I asked once I got myself under control.

"Let’s just hang out today. I want to get to bed early so I can leave early in the morning” He replied as he sat down at the table. “You sure you’re ok?” He asked again as I sat down across from him. “What the fuck happened now?” He questioned when I didn’t reply. “You were all smiles this morning and now you look like someone stole your favorite red dress”

“Very funny…” I glared at him at his attempt at a joke. “It’s nothing. Adam just made a comment about you finding out about yourself before starting something with Brad because he didn’t want him to go through the same hell I put him through” The words hurt even more when I said them aloud as tears once again burnt behind my eyelids. 

“I like Adam and I know that he loves you but sometimes I really just want to punch him in the face…again” Danny ground out as he slammed his fist on the kitchen table. “Can I ask you something?” 

“I’m pretty sure you know all of my secrets now” I said with a shrug. 

“You and Adam…do you think you’re going to make it?” My heart literally stopped beating in my chest for a few moments because of his question and then it did the opposite and sped up quickly as I came to realize what my answer was


	23. Chapter 23

“Honestly…no” I swallowed hard, more tears pooling in my eyes. “I mean…don’t get me wrong I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but if things continue the way that they are I just don’t see how we could” It broke my heart to speak those words but they were the god honest truth just the same. “It’s been a struggle from the beginning and I know that most of it is because of my fear about coming out, but he’s partly to blame because he claims to understand but I don’t think that he really does” 

“Yeah…” Daniel sighed, looking almost as wrecked as I felt. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s going on between you and Brad?” I asked gently because I could tell that he did but he seemed to be holding back. 

“He’s not the first guy I’ve messed around with” He said, causing me to nearly fall off of my chair because that was not what I was expecting in the least. “It’s not like it’s happened a lot or anything” He held up his hands and he looked across the table at me. “The first time was when I went to cheerleader camp. There was this guy on an opposite team and he kept giving me these looks. I ignored him for as long as I could, but the night before camp was over he followed me into the bathroom and blew me” He shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world, while I tried to wrap my head about the fact that my Brother had been with man long before I even considered it. “The second time was in college. It was with my roommate. I don’t even think he was into men at all but we got drunk one night while watching porn and the next thing I know I had his dick down my throat. It kind of became a regular thing after that until he found himself a girlfriend and moved in with her. There’ve been a few random encounters since then but it’s never been more than dick sucking. I’ve never kissed any of them and I’ve certainly never wanted to fuck them or have them fuck me” 

“But you kissed Brad” I said, still trying to wrap my head about the fact that my Brother was gay or at least bi-sexual. “Are you gay too?” I blurted out because the wait was killing me. 

“I don’t know….I don’t think so” He shrugged again, picking at his nails in what seemed like a nervous fashion. “I mean…” He hesitated before speaking again. “I like women and I enjoy it when I fuck them but it’s always just been that…fucking. With Brad…” Another hesitation. “I don’t know…it feels different. I found myself drawn to him from the first moment you introduced us and it’s only gotten worse in the time that I’ve been here. I’ve never wanted to kiss another man before but with him I couldn’t wait to kiss him and it was amazing just like I thought it would be. I wanted to make love to him so badly last night but then he stopped me and told me that it would be best if we were just friends” 

“You’re in love with him” 

“I don’t know…maybe” Daniel shrugged and I could tell by looking at his face that he really was conflicted. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before” He shrugged again that time with a sigh. “And it’s not like it can work out or anything because I live in Arkansas and he lives here” 

“Daniel…if you’re serious about starting a relationship with Brad then you could always move here” I relied quickly because the idea of having my Brother living closer to me sounded amazing. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed my family until he had shown up and the idea of him leaving and going back to Conway felt as if it was actually breaking my heart. 

“I can’t just up and move to California on a whim” He shouted. “I have Mom and Dad at home…they depend on me and my job. I can’t just give up my whole life on something that may or may not work. I don’t know if it’s worth the risk…if he’s worth the risk” My heart clenched as his tone lowered, his eyes clouded with so much confusion. 

“Then maybe you need to talk to him and find out if he’s worth it” I said, wishing that I could tell him everything was going to be ok, but who the hell was I to tell him anything when I didn’t even know if my relationship with Adam was going to be ok. “You know I treated Brad pretty badly when he first became my assistant and I thought that he was bad news, but in these last few months I’ve really gotten to know him and he really is an amazing guy. When he loves you he loves you and would do anything for you. Look how close he and Adam are and from what they both tell me their breakup was pretty horrible. He could be the one…the one that we all wait our whole lives to find. What if you don’t take the risk and he is the one?” 

“Don’t give me fucking relationship advice Kristopher considering you’ve already decided that your relationship with Adam is destined to fail” I wanted to punch my Brother in that instant for what he said, but at the same time those words were somewhat true. As I had told Daniel before I truly did love Adam and I could see myself spending the rest of our lives together, but at the same time in the back of my head I was waiting for our relationship to fail. I didn’t know if it was going to end because of my fear of coming out to my parents or boss or the fact that one day Adam was going to wake up and realize that I really wasn’t worth all the hell that I had put him through. “I’m sorry” He amended quickly, looking even more defeated. 

“I’m not mad” I shrugged, getting up out of my chair and walking over towards the fridge. “Kind of hard to be mad about something that’s true” Daniel didn’t say anything for a long while as I handed him a beer, falling heavily onto the chair once again. “What are you going to tell Mom and Dad when you get back?” I questioned him because since he had told me about my parents we truly hadn’t talked about it. 

“Nothing…it’s not my place to tell them anything about your life” He replied, drawing from his beer before placing it on the table in front of him. 

“Mom’s not going to take silence as an answer” I told him because we both knew just how stubborn she could be. “She’s going to ask about my girlfriend” I said, using air quotes and causing us both to laugh for a second before we got serious again. 

“What do you want me to tell them?” He asked. 

“I don’t want to make you lie, but at the same time I’m petrified to have them know the truth” Pushing my beer bottle away, I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. “It doesn’t matter either way” I broke the silence several minutes later. “They’re either going to become disappointed in me once they find out that I’m gay and have been hiding it from them for this long or when they realize that I have no intentions of ever coming back home with no explanation to give them other then I don’t want to” 

“You really can’t hide from them forever” He said and although I knew he was right it didn’t make me want to admit it any quicker. “I know you’re going to hate me for saying this but I think that Adam’s right about telling them. I know Brad doesn’t think that you should because of what happened to him, but once you tell them then you will at least know where you stand with them” 

“You’ve talked to Brad about this?” I asked surprised because I didn’t think they were close enough yet for Brad to talk about what he had been through. 

“He won’t tell me what they did to him, but he did tell me that he was forced into conversion therapy when he was younger. The thing is that as shitty as it was that his family did that to him…he was only a teenager. You’re a grown man Kris and you have this amazing life that should make you happy regardless of where you stand with our parents. If they accept you and want to be part of that life then by all means allow them to, but if they don’t accept you then fuck them because they get to miss out on the amazing man that you’ve become” 

I wanted to laugh at him but as I looked across the table at him I could see that he was being serious. “Thanks Danny” 

“Yeah…well…you’re still an idiot” He mumbled but with a smile of his face. “Do you want me to tell them?” 

I thought about it for a long time before I came to the conclusion that I really needed to just man up and tell them the truth and that it needed to be heard from me and not my Brother. “I’m going to call them now” I replied, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring smile because I felt like my entire body was on a nervous vibrate. 

“Kris…no you don’t have too” Danny cried out, actually looking like he was about ready to cry.   
“No…I need to do this” I said, my wobbling voice giving me away as to just how nervous I was. “Let’s just go into the living room first” I didn’t wait for him to say anything as I got up, taking my phone out of my pocket as I entered the living room. “Just give me a minute” My trembling had gotten worse but despite that I knew that it was the right thing to do. I knew that I had to stop hiding who I was and that Daniel was right in that it was better to know where I stood with them then to live with the torture of not knowing. Danny didn’t say anything as I located the number I kept on my speed dial, his face alerting me to just how equally as nervous he was about what I was doing. 

“Well as I live and breathe my oldest son is still alive” I heard my Mother’s cheerful voice answer, my mouth going dry as I listened to her scold me for not calling her as much as I should. “I take it your Brother is still there because I haven’t heard from him either since he arrived there” 

“He’s leaving tomorrow” I answered her, my voice sounding foreign and raspy as I took a swallow of the beer Daniel had been smart enough to bring with him. 

“Are you ok?” She asked and I wanted to laugh because she really had no idea how un-ok I was at that moment in time. 

“I love you and Dad so much Mama” I rushed out quickly, thinking that it was probably not the way to start the conversation we were about to have but needing her to hear it before I dropped the bomb on her 

“We love you too Kristopher” I could hear the worry in her voice as she responded to my words and I knew that I had to just tell her and get it over with before I lost my nerve. “Are you sure everything is ok? Is there something wrong with Daniel?” 

“Daniel’s fine” I replied around a painful swallow. “It’s just that I have to tell you something and I don’t know how you are going to react to it” 

“You know you can tell me anything Kristopher” I heard her say, yet something in her tone told me that she knew exactly what I was about to say as I recalled a conversation where Adam had asked me if it was possible that they already knew I was gay. 

“You already know Mama” I whispered because I didn’t have the energy to speak any louder. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about” She rushed out so quickly and with an air of guilt that quickly pissed me off and gave me the energy to finally speak it out loud. 

“I’m gay Mama” I rushed out, ignoring the look of confusion on my Brother’s face. “How long have you and Dad known?” I asked, but I didn’t give her a chance to speak as I allowed my anger to keep the momentum going. “Daniel said he knew before I even moved away and he was pretty clueless back then, but you and Dad…you knew didn’t you?”

“I think that you’re confused Kristopher and that you need to come back home so your family and the church can help you work through this” She replied in a steady voice that made me feel that she was talking to some random stranger and not her oldest son. 

“So you can work your conversion therapy bullshit on me?” I questioned angrily. 

“Don’t you use that tone of voice with me young man and it’s not bullshit” She countered back just as angrily. “Your Father, I and the church have converted many men and women confused just like you into seeing the wrongs of their ways. You are just confused Kristopher and you can be saved”

“I don’t need to be saved Mama because there is nothing wrong with me. I’m gay…I was born this way and there is no amount of conversion therapy that you can torture me with that can change what I am” 

“NO…YOU ARE NOT GAY” She yelled loudly through the phone. “I refuse to have a gay son Kristopher Neil Allen” She continued to scream and as mad as she was all I kept thinking was how she was going to have a coronary if and when she found out that she had one gay and one possibly bi-sexual son. “Kristopher…listen to me” Her voice quieted, but I could still hear the anger and upset in her words as I closed my eyes and waited for her to continue. “You were always confused” She began. “Even when you were growing up. Yes…your Father and I knew you were different but we kept you on the right path because that is what good parents do. Why do you think we sent you on all those mission trips once you were old enough? You just needed to keep busy and preach the word of the lord to those lesser then us and it worked because when you came back you weren’t the same person you were before you left” 

“I wasn’t the same person because I has had witnessed first- hand just how hard the lives of those people were. I wasn’t the same person because almost every day someone…sometimes even children died around me because of their poverty and a government that didn’t care. I came back a different man because no matter how much I tried to help them it was never enough. So yes Mother I came back a different man in many aspects, but my sexuality never changed” I could tell that she didn’t believe what I had to say or care as she continued to speak over me as if I hadn’t said a word. 

“You’re just confused” She said again, causing me to want to laugh because I knew she was only trying to assure herself. “Come home with Danny and go into therapy. It works Kristopher and you will be a better man because of it” I thought about what Brad had told me, wondering if my parents would allow someone to actually physically hurt me in order to change something they felt was wrong in me, getting my answer before I could even say a word. “You need to allow Jesus Christ back into your life Kristopher and allow him to lead you away from your evil ways and if it requires more than just praying then it will be worth it in the end to have you back as a normal human being” 

I was aghast that I was actually hearing these words from the Mother who was supposed to love me without fail, tears burning behind my eyes lids despite the anger that was simmering there. “Yes Mother…I know what requiring more entails” I spoke brokenly, the words almost painful as they exited my mouth. “I have a friend who went through conversion therapy and requiring more meant that he was tortured and abused until he decided that trying to take his own life was the better option” 

“Then it was for the best” She replied so coldly that it actually stole the breath from my lungs because she was no longer the warm and comforting Mother I remembered from my childhood. 

“He didn’t die Mother” I choked out, closing my eyes and leaning into my Brother’s side when he sat on the couch next to me. I knew right then and there that there was nothing that I could say or do to make my Mother change her mind about my being gay. I also knew that my relationship with my parents was going to be severed once I refused the conversion therapy, but there was no way in hell that I was going to allow them to try and change something that didn’t define me but was a huge part of who I was. “I met a wonderful man Mother” I said instead, tears bleeding down my cheeks due to the pain lodged within my heart “He showed me a side of myself that I kept hidden for a long time and because of him I’m such a happier person. He loves me and I love him and were going to have an amazing life together” I really hoped those words were true, but with the problems that Adam and I had been having I wasn’t really one hundred percent sure. “I can’t change for you Mama and I won’t because no matter how much you try and change me you can’t change who I truly am inside. I love you and Dad very much and…” I didn’t get to finish what I wanted to say as the line went dead and then I fell apart in my Brother’s arms. 

“I can’t believe that she hasn’t given up yet” I heard Daniel say much later after my break down as his phone rang for at least the hundredth time. We both knew it was my Mother calling, the calls starting mere seconds after she had hung up on me. 

“Only on her children who tell her their gay” I mumbled, picking up the empty vodka bottle that we had been drinking out off from off of the coffee table and shaking it for good measure to make sure it truly was empty. Daniel and I had pretty much cleaned out the bar and yet I still didn’t feel drunk enough. “You can’t avoid her forever so you might as well answer it and talk to her” I wanted to go see if there was anything else left to drink in the bar as I stood up, but it seemed I more drunk then I felt as I lost control of my legs and landed ass ended on the couch once again. 

“Do you want me to call Adam for you?” He ignored my words, reaching over and taking my phone from the other end of the couch where I had thrown it after ending the call with my Mother. 

“No…” I lied, looking at the clock on the wall and wondering where the evening had gone because it was nearly midnight. “He’ll be home soon” I just hoped that I could keep what was left of my sanity until he did because I didn’t want to burden my Brother with any more of my pain and sadness. “I don’t think that you should tell them about you and Brad once you get home” I told him because I was actually fearful of what they would do to him once he did and that thought alone caused me to burst into tears yet again. 

“Oh baby…I told you not to tell them” I heard Brad’s voice whisper against my ear as he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. I wanted to be angry at Daniel for calling him but as he held me I realized that he probably needed comfort from Brad as well just as much as I did. I said nothing as I cried and cried until I was too exhausted to cry anymore. “You are going to be ok” He said as I laid there with my head in his lap and as much as I wanted to believe him, I had a bad feeling that my life wasn’t going to be ok for a long time. 

“It’s Adam” I heard my Brother say as he reached over and handed me my cell phone. 

“Adam…” I croaked, my voice heavy and raspy due to the crying. 

“Hey baby…” He replied, sounding so excited and happy. “Tonight’s show was amazing and because of it I was able to get a new gig that is going to pay me more than I’d ever make in a month at the theater” He went on sounding so bubbly and happy that it made me want to cry even more because I hated to rain on his parade with my family drama. “So I was calling to let you know that some of the crew and I are going to go out and celebrate” 

“Adam…I really need you” I begged because I felt as if my world was ending and I really needed my boyfriend to be there to keep me together. 

“Jesus Christ Kris…I haven’t been out with any of my stage friends since we’ve started dating and you can’t give me this one night” He practically yelled, sounding so angry that it caused my breath to catch in my throat from the shock of it. I had no idea why he was so angry when I hadn’t ever tried to stop him from hanging out with any of his friends. I had no energy to fight him as took a deep breath and with as much fake cheerfulness that I could conjure I told him to enjoy himself and hung up the phone. 

“Is he on his way home?” Brad questioned me as I pushed myself off of the couch and started stumbling towards the bedroom. “Why the fuck not” I heard him cry out behind me when I only nodded my head no in reply, crying out in pain and frustration when I tripped over my own foot and feel onto the floor. “Fucking Christ…how much did you two drink? He yelled at my Brother and for some reason I found it to be quite funny as I sat up and started laughing like I had lost my mind. I still said nothing when I felt Daniel literally pick me up off of the floor like I weighed nothing, the two of them lying down beside me when he laid me down on the bed. “You ok baby?” Brad asked, but I didn’t have to answer him as I fell apart in his arms once again. 

“I don’t want you to leave” I heard Brad whispering as I opened my eyes after seeming to have fallen asleep, closing them quickly because I didn’t want to alert them to the fact that I was wake. “I was so fucking stupid to send you away when all you want to do is love me” 

“You were scared and wanted to be sure…I get that” Daniel replied softly, a small stretch of silence going on between then before he spoke again. “I really care for you Brad and I do want to see where this could go and if that means that I have to wait then I am more than willing to wait” 

“How can this work if we live in two different states because as much as I would love to move to Arkansas with you I don’t think that they are ready for someone as shiny as me just yet” He laughed but I could hear the sadness and fear in his words. 

“Don’t you dare even think about going anywhere near there” Was Daniel’s worried response. “After Kris talked to our Mom I had already made the decision to move here. I was never afraid of them like Kris was and I have no fear for myself when I decide to tell them, but I couldn’t bare it if you even had to deal with one second of their hatred and bigotry” I could tell that he had tears in his eyes, a not so silent sob coming from Brad as well. 

“Do you mean it…that you want to move to California?

“Yes…and I meant it when I said that I wanted to make a go of this. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as the sounds of heavy kissing could be heard behind me. 

“Let’s go to your room” 

“What about Kris?” 

“He’s sleeping and we can check on his when we’re done” Brad whispered. “I just need you to make love to me” I kept my eyes closed as the two of them quietly left me alone, tears once again falling from my eyes at the loneliness I felt surrounding me. I was up several hours later when Adam stumbled drunk into our room, but I pretended to be asleep because I was just too emotionally exhausted to deal with anything else after my phone conversation with my Mother. Brad and Daniel hadn’t come back to my room after they left and I found myself grateful for that because it gave me time to think about a lot of things, including my relationship with Adam.


	24. Chapter 24

When I woke up I found Adam sitting at the end of the bed watching me. “Why didn’t you tell me you told your Mother last night?” He asked as I closed my eyes for a moment trying to figure out what emotions I wanted to reply with because they were flying all over the place right then. 

“I tried to tell you but you didn’t want to listen” I shrugged, sitting up. 

“If I would have known you had told you Mother you were gay I would have been here for you” He grunted out, looking annoyed and hung over. 

“Jesus Christ Kris…I haven’t been out with any of my stage friends since we’ve started dating and you can’t give me this one night” I repeated the hurtful words that had been echoing around in my head all night long. 

“I didn’t mean it like that” He tried to defend himself. 

“Then how did you mean it?” I questioned with no real anger in my words because I truly didn’t know how else I was supposed to take them. 

“It’s just that since we’ve started dating I haven’t been able to hang out with any of my performer friends and last night I got some great news and I just wanted to enjoy it with them” He explained as he shifted forward and tried to take my hand, but I wasn’t having it as I jerked myself out of the bed and stood before him. 

“Well of course with me keeping you hostage every night and weekend how could you” I replied snidely, trying to storm off towards the bathroom but Adam’s arms around my waist stopping me. 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it” He growled, looking even more annoyed. 

“What I know is that I’ve never stopped you from doing anything that you wanted to do” I replied hotly, removing his hands from my waist and stepping backwards. “What I know is that you knew I was in the closet when we started this and you’ve made me pay for it despite the fact that I’ve tried to be who you expect me to be. What I know is you’ve hurt me time and time again because even when I try to change it’s not enough for you. What I know is that maybe we jumped into this relationship too soon and…” 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Kristopher…” He cried out, jumping off of the bed as he attempted to pull me into his arms, looking more worried than annoyed then. 

“No…don’t touch me” I pushed him away moving closer towards the bathroom. “You do that every time we have a fight and I just give in” I had to blink several times to push away the angry tears threatening to rain from my eyes. 

“So what are you saying…that you want to break up?” He questioned with a panicked look on his face. 

“I don’t know” And I didn’t because as hurt as I was for what my Mother had said and the way that Adam had just brushed me off, I was so fucking confused about pretty much everything in my life. “I think that maybe you need to be away from me for a bit and then decide if being in a relationship with me is something that you really want because this is me Adam” I held my arms over my head, the tears I had been trying to hold back not so shockingly were now bleeding down my face. “I’m a semi-closeted gay man who may have come out to his family but is not ready to come out to his boss out of fear of losing his job. I know you love me” I admitted because I did know that Adam loved me, I just didn’t think that he liked the man that I was very much. “I just don’t think that I’m who you need in your life right now and I don’t think that I ever will be” I tried to run into the bathroom but he was quicker as he wrapped his entire body around me and crushed me against it. 

“I love you…I do and you are everything that I need” He cried out, the weight of his tears sliding into my hair and down the side of my face as they mingled with my own tears. “You can’t leave me Kris because I won’t be able to live without you” 

I didn’t say anything as I leaned my face up and kissed him, knowing that once I again I was giving in without solving anything, but the pain on his face and in his eyes nearly killed me. We made love for hours afterwards, taking a quiet bath together once we were done. The bathroom was shrouded in silence and yet I didn’t know if it was because we were too tired to speak after our love making or the fact that neither of us wanted to break the silence because we knew this was one of many cracks in our already splintering relationship. 

“Daniel called me and let me know he made it home” I heard Brad say later on that morning after Adam had passed out and I prepared myself to face a long day at work. “He didn’t get to talk to me for long because of course your bitchy parents showed up at his place and demanded he talk to them” I could hear the fear in Brad’s voice and it broke my heart even more because I knew he was worried about him. “Do you think he’s ok?” 

“I’m sure he’s fine” I lied because despite the heartache that had taken up residence in my heart, there was fear there as well. “He promised not to say anything to them while he was there about your relationship and other then the third degree about his G-A-Y Brother I’m sure they are going to leave him alone” 

“I hope so” He replied softly and it made me smile because I could tell that Brad really did care for my Brother. 

“You really love him don’t you?” I asked, situating the phone at my ear as I laid down on the couch. 

“I don’t know about love” He began, but I could hear the smile in his voice. “I mean he’s not even my type and he’s a teacher for god sake but there’s just something about him that makes me happy” 

“I’m happy for you both” I told him and I really was. 

“You’re not freaked out about the fact that your Brother is sleeping with your best friend?” He joked but I could hear that he wanted my approval, despite the fact that neither one of them needed it. 

“Who said anything about being my best friend?” I teased, laughing for the first time in what felt like days at the snort of disapproval I heard across the line. “You are my best friend you know” I finally relented and spoke the truth because Brad had turned into a godsend since I’d met Adam and I was damn lucky to have him in my life. “And I’m happy that you found each other” 

“Are you and Adam ok? Daniel and I thought we heard arguing as he was leaving” He ignored my sentiment, causing me to sigh in defeat because I was forced to deal with my love life once again. 

“We’re fine…I guess” I sighed, sitting up because I really didn’t want to talk about what was going on between Adam and I with Brad, when I didn’t even know what was going on between us. “We did argue and then we made up” I shrugged even though I knew he couldn’t see it. 

“Kris…” I could hear the warning in his voice but I refused to deal with it as I assured him we were fine once again and told him I would talk to him more once I got to work. I had debated calling in sick, but I knew that if I did then Frank was going to have even more ammunition to use against me. I had no idea what I was going to face once I got there but strangely I was calm about it. I knew that Frank was going to do everything in his power to expose me as being gay to my boss and the higher ups on the board of directors, but for once I wasn’t going to stress about it and deal with whatever came my way, at least that’s what I told myself. 

My self-confidence didn’t last long as I walked into my office building. Everyone seemed to be acting normal as greetings were shared but I felt as if everyone was gawking at me in a way that I’d never seen before. “Good morning Mr. Allen” I heard Brad greet me as I walked by his desk, not bothering with a reply as I rushed into my office and closed the door quickly. “Really Kristopher…reverting back to our old ways” Brad whined as he walked into my office without knocking, placing a cup of coffee on the desk before me. “Proper protocol when someone greets you is to great them back” 

“Do you think that he told them?” I ignored his sarcasm, looking through the large picture window at the front of my office. 

“Who told who what?” Brad asked and he actually sounded confused. 

“Frank…who the fuck else” I growled, my nerves shot and feeling like I was about to snap. 

“Oh please…I took care of that this morning before you came in” He shrugged, turning to walk away, but I stopped him as I rushed around my desk and flung myself at the door before he could leave. 

“What do you mean you took care of it?” I asked, starting to feel relief course through me but only by a fraction. 

“Have I told you how amazing your Brother is?” He questioned me with such a stupid grin on his face that I wanted to wipe if off with my fist. 

“Yes Brad…Daniel is amazing” I ground out as I watched him pull his cell phone out of his pocket and tinker with it for a moment before he shoved it in front of my face. 

“Did you show this to him?” I asked as I watched Raja kiss Frank wildly and dirtily on the screen in front of me. 

“Of course I did” He shrugged again. “He of course threatened to have the two of us fired by the end of the day when I came in this morning but he retracted his threat right after I showed him this. Of course the fact that I posed my own treat to post this on you tube was probably what got him to change his mind. No matter…it’s over and done with” 

“You really are amazing Brad” I said as I reached forward and hugged him. 

“My yearly review is coming up Kristopher…you can thank me monetarily” He winked, hugging me back just as tight. “Family has to look after each other” He whispered against my ear before pulling himself away and walking back to his desk. 

The rest of my morning was normal, except for running into Frank in the executive restroom before I left for lunch. He looked almost panic stricken as I walked up to the urinal and began to undo my pants. My heart was beating a mile a minute as I watched him fumble with his own pants before rushing towards the door. “You may think that this is over but it really isn’t” He said, his back to me as he watched me through the mirror. “Your kind shouldn’t be allowed to work here much less be an executive in a major company like this one. You will have to repent for your sins before our savior and lord when you die but for right now you can bet that I’m going to make you pay for what happened to me the other day” I just rolled my eyes and pretended like I wasn’t affected by his words, but it was all a lie because I already knew that he would do everything in his power to make them true.


	25. Chapter 25

“Trust me Frank isn’t going to try anything as long as I have this video” I heard Brad say as we entered the restaurant across the street from our building later that afternoon, but I wasn’t really listening to him as I looked across the crowded area and found Cale and Matt pretending like they hadn’t seen us come in. 

“Excuse me for a minute Brad” I said as I made my way across the room. “Hey guys…” I greeted them, realizing rather quickly what a shitty friend I had been to them since I had started seeing Adam. 

“I’m sorry do we know you?” Matt asked sarcastically, flinching in pain when I assumed Cale kicked him under the table. 

“Look I know that I’ve been MIA lately and I wanted to say I’m sorry” I could tell that Matt wanted to hold a grudge as he picked up his drink and stared out the window. “Cale?” I turned to the other man sitting in the booth hoping that he would at least talk to me despite the fact that I knew I deserved it if I got the silent treatment from him as well. 

“It’s been month’s man” He shrugged, looking more sad then mad. 

“I know and you can’t know how sorry I am” I rushed out, hoping and praying that I hadn’t lost the friendship of the two people who meant the world to me despite not having shown it. “It’s just that I’ve been dealing with so much and…” 

“Well we wouldn’t know that now would we because you just shut us out of your fucking life” Matt piped up, the anger in his voice causing me to jump. 

“Matt…” Cale said softly as he looked across the table at him. 

“Don’t you Matt me” He yelled, pointing his finger at Cale before turning it back towards me. “You think you’ve been dealing with a lot of shit Kristopher well you’re not the only one” 

“Matt…go outside and calm the fuck down” We both stared at Cale wide eyed because he hardly ever cursed and when he did you knew he was beyond pissed. Matt said nothing to either of us as he jerked himself out of the booth, nearly knocking me down when he stormed past me. “You haven’t talked to us in over six months and you just think that you can come back and all will be alright with the world?” He questioned, but I couldn’t answer him due to the guilt setting in my chest. “I’m more hurt then angry” He shrugged. “I mean…I get that you’re in love and stuff but you just shut us out” 

“How can I make it up to you because I love you guys and I can’t lose you” I rushed out in a panic because I couldn’t stand the idea of not having them in my life anymore, despite the fact that I had pretty much forced them out since meeting Adam. 

“Let me talk to him and then we can see what happens” I didn’t like his answer one bit but I knew that I didn’t have the right to ask for anything more as I nodded at him and walked away. 

“I’m not hungry anymore” I told Brad as I walked past him and headed back to the office. 

“Are you really going to pout over this all day?” I hear Brad question me several hours later as we sat in my office attempting to get some work done, but failing because my mind was on Cale and Matt. 

“I such a horrible person” I ignore him. “I mean I can’t blame them for being pissed at me” I sighed as I got up from behind my desk and started pacing the length of my office. “They introduce me to Adam and I just fell off the face of that earth” 

“It isn’t like you haven’t been dealing drama since you started seeing Adam” He replied and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond to that so I opted for anger since it seemed to be the only clear emotion I was feeling at that moment. 

“If you’re not going to help then get out” I snapped at him, watching his face grow angry before he took a deep breath and spoke again. 

“You’re upset so I’m going to let that one slide” He replied, his eyes daring me to do it again. 

“I’m sorry Brad” I sighed as I say back down at my desk. “It’s just that Matt and Cale were the first friends I made when I first started here and I just feel horrible because I just pushed them away. I can’t blame them for being mad and it kills me that I might lose their friendship over the one person they brought into my life” I sighed again because I was so frustrated and I had no idea what to do about it. 

“Personally I don’t know what the big deal is because you have fabulous friends like me now” He piped up, rolling his eyes at the dirty look I shot at him. “Give them time” He said as he stood up from the chair he was sitting on. “If they really are your friends they will forgive you and for the record you’re not a horrible person” He said as he stood in the doorway of my office. “You fell in love and got lost in the drama that is Adam” He shrugged. “They’ll forgive you because you are an amazing person who just lost his way for a little while” I watched as he walked back to his desk, winking at me before he delved into whatever it was he did all afternoon. I hoped that he was right because the idea of not having my two best friends in my life anymore was just too depressing to even think about. 

“You ok?” Adam asked me later that evening as we made dinner. 

“Cale and Matt aren’t talking to me” I shrugged, adding the vegetables he had cut up into the stir fry we were having for dinner. 

“Why…what happened?” He asked as he washed his hands, his face growing serious as he turned to face me. “I happened” 

“It’s not your fault” I assured as I turned the heat to the wok down before moving into his arms. “They brought you into my life and without even realizing it I shoved them out of it. The sad part is that I hadn’t even realized it until today” I wanted to cry as Adam wrapped his arms and around me and held me close. “I feel like such a shit and as much as I hate the idea of them not speaking to me again I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t” 

“Jesus Kris if I’d known that coming into your life would bring you such unhappiness then I would have just stayed away” I heard him speak quietly against my ear and it not only increased the guilt that I already had weighing me down, but it broke my heart as well. 

“Adam…look at me” I said as I stepped back and forced him to look at me. “You coming into my life has brought me such happiness and yes there have been some unhappy times but the happy times far out weight those” I spoke up when he tried to speak. “I love you and even if Cale and Matt don’t ever speak to me again I don’t regret for one second that they brought you into my life” 

“I just feel so bad now. It’s like I just took over your entire life with our relationship and my friends and…” 

“And I couldn’t be happier” It was a kind of lie because on the one hand I was happy that I had Adam in my life, but on the other there was no denying that it had been a struggle and had I had gotten my feelings hurt on more than one occasion. 

“I know when you’re lying Kristopher” He said with a frown on his face. “I know for a fact that you’re not as happy as you say” 

I had no idea what he wanted me to say to that as I stood there and stared up at him. I opted to say nothing as I turned back towards the stir fry. He stood there for several seconds before he walked away with a sag to his shoulders as he went and set the table. “Adam I love you” I broke the silence as we sat there, neither of us eating much of what we he had created. “And yes there have been times where I’ve not been happy but that’s all part of being in a relationship right?” 

“It just seems that we try so hard and lately all we seem to do is hurt one another” I was hurt not only by his words but by the fact that he seemed to think that I had hurt him when it was always him hurting me. “I love you so much and I have to tell you Kris I’ve never felt like this with anyone else before, but it’s also been such a struggle. Jesus…it was never this hard when I was with Brad or anyone else for that matter” I felt as he had stabbed me in the gut with each word that he spoke and yet even though I knew I should say something I did the only thing I could think of, I ran. I completely ignored him as he cried out after me, grabbing my keys and wallet on my way to the front door. My eyes stung heavily with unshed tears as I watched the elevator door close in his face. I couldn’t believe that he felt as if I was the one hurting him when it was his callousness at my being in the closet that hurt me time and time again. I sat in my car for the longest time as I tried to figure out where I was going, deciding to take a chance and drive to Cale’s house because despite the fact that he was angry at me I really needed my best friend.


	26. Chapter 26

“Are you really fucking kidding me here?” I heard Matt cry out as I stood in front of Cale’s front door a bit shocked that Matt had answered it. 

“Who is it baby?” I heard Cale’s voice question from inside the house, my mind trying to figure out when he started calling Matt baby. “Kris…what are you doing here?” I heard him say as I looked up and found him standing behind Matt with a nervous look on his face. 

I looked back and forth between the two of them several times before the realization set in and for some reason the only thing that I could do was laugh. I laughed so loud and so hard that I could hardly breathe and just as quickly as the laughter appeared it disappeared and was replaced with heart wrenching sobs. I tried to control them, I really did but it was as if once they started there was nothing I could do to stop them. I don’t recall much after that, just that I found myself sitting on Cale’s couch with two worried looking men sitting on the coffee table in front of me. “I’m sorry” I hiccupped, taking a small sip of water from the bottle Matt held in front of me. “I’m sorry for so much” I went on because I needed them to know that. “I pushed you out of my life and I didn’t even realize it because I’ve been dealing with so much and I shouldn’t have and…” 

“Jesus breathe” Matt cut off my rambling, pushing the bottle in my hand towards my mouth. “Just calm down and breathe” I did as he asked, noticing the looks of concern that passed between them before Cale left the room and answered the front door. 

“Pizza’s here” He said once he walked in again, placing the box on the coffee table next to Matt. “You hungry?” He asked, that same look of concern on his face as before. 

“I could eat” Was my watery reply as I wiped at my eyes and took another drink from my water bottle. I told them every single thing that had happened between Adam and I, feeling so much lighter once I had because they seemed to understand a little more why I hadn’t been around so much and being the amazing men that they were they forgave me as well. 

“What a fucking dick head” Matt exclaimed after we had devoured the entire pizza, the three of us sitting on the couch in the living room sharing a carton of rocky road ice cream between us. “Although I’m still pissed about the whole not getting invited to see Lady Gaga thing… but what a fucking dick” 

“What are you going to do with him?” Cale shrugged, looking at Matt fondly as he handed the carton over to him. 

“You wouldn’t change anything about me even if you could” Matt teased, nudging Cale with his shoulder. 

“Well maybe a few things like how you snore like a buzz saw and are constantly eating cookies or candy in my bed” Cale teased back, the playful and loving look shared between them making me smile, but also making my heart ache for Adam. 

“How long?” I asked, the two of them blushing like love sick teenagers. 

“A couple of months back” Cale replied with a smile, it growing even larger as Matt reached out and took his hand. “I’d been questioning my feelings for Matt for a while…even before you met Adam but I’d never been interested in a guy before so I didn’t know what to make of them” 

“I had no idea he was even interesting because he dated that girl for so long” I had to laugh as I recalled just how much Matt had always hated Cale’s longtime girlfriend. “But they broke up and you fell off the face of that earth and it just happened. We went out drinking one night and you know how I get when I have a few too many” He chuckled at the annoyed look Cale shock his way. “I was at the bar getting our drinks and this man was flirting with me and Cale went all caveman on his ass” 

“I did not” Cale protested, but I could tell from the blush on his cheeks that he probably had. 

“Really…then what would you call what happened next?” Matt questioned playfully, causing me to grin despite my over wrought emotions. 

“I kindly asked him to leave” 

“More like you told the man to fuck off before grabbing me by the face and kissing me breathless” I could read the happiness and love in Matt’s eyes as he leaned forward and stole a kiss from his apparent lover. I couldn’t help but laugh quietly as I watched them kiss again and wondered if everyone in the world was going to turn gay eventually. 

“So what are you going to do now?” Matt asked me nearly an hour later after all the ice cream had been eaten and we were finally caught up on each other’s lives. 

“I don’t know” Was my pain filled reply because I really didn’t know and it was killing me that we were once again where we always seemed to be lately. “I just feel as if I’m fighting a losing battle…that no matter how much I do love him that it’s never going to be enough and eventually it’s all going to come to an end” My vision grew fuzzy with tears yet again, the ache in my heart growing even more as I slowly started to accept the fact that maybe Adam and I didn’t belong together. “I think it’s over” I sobbed, allowing more to follow as Matt and Cale tried to sooth me. 

Adam wasn’t there when I went back home later in the evening. Instead, I found Tommy sitting in the living room with a suitcase on the floor beside him and a very unhappy look upon his face. I said nothing as I walked into the room, sitting on a chair across from him with tears of acceptance blazing down my face. “Why are you allowing this to happen?” He asked as I curled forward and cried as I hid my face in my hands yet again. “Kris you love him…he loves you” He growled. “This just doesn’t make any sense that the both of you would give up so easily” 

“But it’s hasn’t been easy” I cried out, tears still blazing down my face as I looked over at him. “Lately…it’s been such a struggle. All we do is fight and argue and then we make up but nothing ever gets resolved. I’m tired of fighting for something that maybe was never meant to be in the first place” 

“BULLSHIT” Tommy roared, kicking the suitcase across the room. “I’ve known Adam for a hell of a lot longer than you have and I’ve seen such a change in him since the two of you have started dating. He loves you so much Kris and…” 

“If he loves me so fucking much then why does he keep hurting me?” I cut him off before he could sing Adam’s praises any longer. “I don’t even think that he realizes it but he’s constantly saying things to me that fucking break my heart. It he loves me so much then why are we always fighting. If he loves me so much why hasn’t he once talked to me about what happened when I came out to my Mother and how it’s affecting me? I’m just so tired of the hurt Tommy” 

“I don’t know why he does that” Was his response after I told him every little thing Adam had said to me that had broken my heart. “Who knows why the ones that we love do shit they do to hurt us” He said next with a faraway look in his eyes and I knew that he wasn’t just talking about Adam anymore. “Did Adam tell you about Sutan and I at the beginning our relationship?” 

“He told me some of it” I admitted, unsure of how he was going to react to Adam telling me such intimate details of their relationship. 

“He told you about Bruno?” He didn’t seem to be angry as he scooted off of the couch and onto the floor in front of it. “No one really knows all the details…just the Bruno came into town and was staying with us and then he ended up in the hospital and I ended up in jail” He went on not waiting for me to reply. “That entire night was one fucked up mess and despite the fact that it’s been several years and I’ve forgiven Sutan for what he started…there is still a part of me that hurts whenever I think about it” Tommy had tears in his eyes as he looked over at me and to say I was shocked was an understatement. “I’m going to tell you what happened but if you ever tell anyone, including Adam I swear to fucking Christ I will kill you” 

I didn’t know why Adam’s friends seemed to want to trust me with their deepest and darkest secrets but I was grateful that they did. “You have my word” I vowed as I moved out of the chair and sat down next to him on the floor. 

“I’m sure he told you how fucked up it was when we first got together” He said as I nodded in response. “After we got over our stupidity everything just seemed to fall into place. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I was in love with a drag queen and I couldn’t have been happier about it. I’d never loved anyone as much as I loved him and the life that we were living” I watched as a small smile spread across his face, but then it was gone and replaced with a dark look that actually frightened me a little. “Bruno just showed up out of the blue one day. He was an old friend of mine from with I was in high school. He told me that he was going to be in L.A. for a short time and he needed a place to crash. We were living in Sutan’s old apartment at the time and I told him no, but for some reason Sutan insisted that he stay with us. It was great at the beginning. He seemed to accept our gay little family and the fact that his formally straight best friend was in love with a man who loved to dress like a woman and then one night it just turned bad really quickly” 

“Tommy…you don’t have to tell me” I said softly as I laid my hand on his shoulder, only to pull it back at the flinch I felt from him. 

“I’m just trying to prove to you that even when you think that things are so bad that you can’t rebound from them…you can” I nodded in response because I really had nothing to say to that. “We all went out that night and got really fucked up drunk. Raja had a show earlier that night and after we left the club we were just hanging out in our apartment. Bruno had been flirting with Raja all night and as much as it was pissing me off, she couldn’t seem to be able to get enough of it. When she suggested a threesome I refused but as you know when it comes to Raja or Sutan I can rarely say no. We all ended up in the bedroom with Raja blowing him while I just sat there and watched. She was so into it and I was so pissed off and hurt…but I kept it to myself. He was starting to get rough with her, shoving his dick into her mouth so hard and so fast that she started coughing and gagging, yet she just continued to allow it. He had her by the hair as he continued to fuck her mouth and then he freaked out when her wig came off and instead of a beautiful woman sucking his cock it was a man dressed up as one. He flipped out after that. He pushed him away so hard that Sutan’s head hit the floor and then he started wailing on him and calling him all sorts of nasty names. I just lost it and turned the tables on him. I was punching, kicking and biting, anything to cause him pain because he had hurt the man that I loved. One of the neighbors must have heard the ruckus because the next thing I knew I was being arrested and he was being carted off to the hospital in an ambulance. It was such a fucked up mess. The cops didn’t know who they should press charges on and yet I was the only one that actually ended up in jail. Everything was eventually dropped because he refused to tell the police or the doctor’s what happened and I hadn’t said a word from the moment they put the cuffs on me. I had Adam pick me up from the station and by the time I got home Sutan had cleaned up the place and refused to even talk to me about it” 

“Tommy…” I whispered his name when his voice cracked, tears trickling down his face. 

“We broke up for a long time after that because I couldn’t get over the fact that he seemed to almost be blaming me when it was Raja that had started everything. I was miserable when we were apart because there is no doubt in my mind that he is my soul-mate, but as much as I loved him I was finding it almost impossible to forgive him for allowing it to happen in the first place. We were apart for nearly a year before I couldn’t stand it anymore. No one was really speaking to each other at the time. Adam was pissed because he had no idea what the fuck was going on and Sutan was still pretending like nothing had happened and I was just so fucking pissed and confused about everything. I just realized one night that as hurt and confuse as I was it didn’t matter anymore because I needed him back in my life. I had never loved anyone as I loved him and I was determined to do whatever I had too to get him back. Adam refused to help me for the longest time but when I nearly had a mental breakdown in the middle of his living room he finally cracked. It was hard at the beginning and there were many, many times when I just wanted to throw in the towel and say fuck this but I hung in there and little by little we were able to work things out. Many moons later here we are today. It’s not a perfect relationship by any mean but we love each other so much that we refuse to let the little shit ruin us” 

I had tears in my eyes as I continued to sit by Tommy, my heart broken and so fucking confused that I had no idea what to think anymore. “Are all gay relationships this hard?” I asked because the one relationship I had had with a woman wasn’t anywhere close to the drama I had been dealing with Adam. 

“Trust me I am not the one to ask about that” He laughed sadly. “Before Sutan I had only been with women. Our relationship has been one roller coaster ride after the other but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world because look where we are today. If we hadn’t hung in there and toughed it out during the hard times I wouldn’t have my beautiful baby girl in my life” 

“She is beautiful” I sighed, slumping back against the couch enough that my head was practically lying on Tommy’s shoulder, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. “I’d only been in one relationship with a woman before I admitted to myself that I was gay but it was nothing compared to what I’ve been dealing with now” 

“Did you love her?” Tommy asked, lying his cheek against the side of my face. 

“I cared for her and I wanted to make her happy but if I’m being truthful I don’t think I ever loved her” I admitted, still hating myself a little for the way I had lied to Katy and the relationship I had to end when I finally figured out I was gay. 

“And what you feel for Adam…are you sure that it’s love?” I couldn’t help but sigh again as I closed my eyes and wiggled a little closer into Tommy’s body. 

“I was taken with him the moment I saw him” I replied with a smile as I recalled the first time I had laid eyes on him at the club. 

“Love at first sight” Tommy sang out with a chuckle. 

“Lust at first sight maybe” I giggled. 

“He is a beautiful man” Tommy replied. “What…I’m not fucking blind you know. The man is gorgeous” He argued when I sat up and pretend glared at him. 

“He is that” I sighed as I leaned into Tommy once again. “But he’s more than that. He’s amazingly sweet and kind…when he’s not saying things to break my heart” I countered because despite the fact that I really didn’t think Adam realized he was hurting me with his words; they really were kind of devastating sometimes. “I just love him so much Tommy and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him but as much as I love him I don’t really see a future with him” My voice cracked with emotion because just the idea of not having him in my life hurt me more than I could ever explain. “He never wants to talk about anything and he seems to think that sex is the miracle cure for everything but it fixes nothing. I have so much anger inside of me and no way to expel it. I feel like I’m always running away from him but the fact of that matter is that when he says those things to hurt me all I can think about is getting as far away from him as I can” 

“I know” Tommy replied and I knew that the two of them had already talked about it. “It’s part of the reason he left” He went on to explain. “He said that you keep running away from him and it’s just so frustrating because he doesn’t know why” 

“Of course he doesn’t” I said as I sat up. “How can we move past anything if he doesn’t have any idea what he’s done to piss me off in the first place?” 

“Maybe you should just talk to him” 

“We always try that but it just never works out” I felt exhausted as I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “I think that maybe we just need some time apart” I finally spoke a few moments later. “Maybe it will show us that we do belong together or maybe it will show us that we are actually better apart” My voice cracked yet again as I hid my face in Tommy’s warm neck and cried. 

“I wish that I could help you both” I heard him whisper softly as he pulled me into his arms and just held me. “I’m so fucking frustrated because I know you belong together but you have to work though the bullshit before you can move forward”


	27. Chapter 27

Three weeks had passed and I still hadn’t heard from Adam, but in truth Adam hadn’t heard from me either. I had thought about calling him time after time but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was lonely and heartbroken and I just wanted to hide away in some dark and secluded place and just cry my heart out, but I couldn’t do any of that because I had to remain strong. I had to pretend that everything was amazing and perfect at work, ignoring constantly the pitying looks Brad shot my way and his many attempts to try and talk to me about Adam. Tommy would call me from time to time to check on me and we would talk about everything but Adam, where Sutan was all about Adam and refused to have anything to do with me. Nightly I would lie in bed, nearly always crying myself to sleep as I replied over and over again the happier times shared with the man that I still loved with my heart and soul. 

As if dealing with my broken heart wasn’t bad enough I also had to deal with a huge yearly gala that my office threw in support of the rich and elite of the city of Los Angeles. It was especially stressful because I had to share that responsibility with Frank and as expected he was making my life a living hell. After weeks of trying to work with him and getting him to agree with anything that I had to say we decided it was best if we split the duties and worked separately. He took on the task of finding the entertainment and I was left with the rest. It was a lot of work but I truly didn’t care because if it meant that I didn’t have to work closely with that jerk then it was worth it. 

“Guess who just got a call from the greatest boyfriend in the world” I heard Brad sing-song one day as he walked into my office. I felt my heart squeeze for a bit at the mention of the word boyfriend because as happy as I was that he and my Brother were now a couple, it stung a lot because it made me miss Adam even more. “He’s coming up here for the gala” He continued to sing, plopping down on the couch on the other side of my office. “I tell you Kris I cannot wait for the fucking school year to be over so he can move up here permanently because I have to tell you it really sucks to have a boyfriend living in a completely different state” 

“Yeah…it must suck” I replied off handedly, trying to concentrate on the stack of papers in front of me but finding it nearly impossible. 

“You know you could just call him. It’s not too late” I heard him say as I closed my eyes and took a few quick breathes before speaking. “You’re just being so stubborn and…”

“He hasn’t tried to call me either” I cut him off before he could finish. 

“Oh he’s tried but he’s just as fucking stubborn as you are” He mumbled under his breath, but loud enough that I could hear him and although it should have made me happy to hear what he said it only served to piss me off. 

“Guess it’s for the best then” I shot back, tossing the papers in my hand on the desk in frustration before pushing myself away from it. “I’m leaving early and I don’t want to talk about this anymore” I warned, pointing my finger at him when he went to speak again. 

“So I guess you don’t want to hear that he’s going to be the entertainment at the gala then” He hollered over his shoulder, forcing me to stop in my tracks for only a moment before I headed out again because of course Frank had hired him as our entertainment. “Fucking Christ Kris…this is the perfect opportunity for you and Adam to make up. You’re miserable without him and he’s a fucking basket case without you” 

“Why can’t you and Tommy get it through your heads that it’s over between us?” I yelled, shoving him back into my office and slamming the door loudly behind me. “Why can’t you both see that we weren’t meant to be? We’re too different and we want different things and together we aren’t going to achieve them”

“Now that is where you are wrong Kristopher” He spoke up. “You and Adam want the exact same things in your life. You want to be in love and in a monogamous relationship” 

“Of course that’s what we want and we had it but it was the rest of the bullshit that got in the way. You have no idea the hurtful and hateful things that he has said to me when we were together and the kicker is that he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it. I tried Brad…I tried to ignore it and pretend that it wasn’t breaking my heart each time but after a while I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m not saying it was all his fault either” I continued when he went to speak. “I know that I spent more time running away then fighting for our relationship but I’ve never done anything like this before and I didn’t know what else to do” 

“You guys are completely fucked up” He sighed, wrapping his arm around my neck and hugging me when I fell down on the couch next to him. 

“Don’t I know it” I sighed as well allowing him to hug me for a moment more before I got back up. “I love him Brad and I know that I always will and as much as it kills me to say this I think that we are better off being apart. Our communication skills are for shit and neither one of us knows how to talk to each other so nothing will ever change. I appreciate everything that you and Tommy are trying to do but now I think that it’s time that the both of you accept what Adam and I already have…that this relationship is over” 

“I won’t ever accept that Kris” He replied stubbornly. “You forget that I dated Adam and I know how he can be and your right he sometimes says shit and doesn’t realize how it could be taken. But you can’t let him get away with it. If he says something hurtful to you it’s up to you to speak up and tell him. You two belong together dammit…so fucking fight for him” I knew I was fighting a losing battle with Brad and so I did the only thing that I knew how to do, I walked away from him. “This isn’t over Kris…it won’t ever be over” I heard him yell towards the door but once again I ignored him and the stares I was receiving from some of the employees sitting at their desks. 

As expected Brad continued to hound me as the preparations continued for the gala and then thankfully he decided to give me the silent treatment when that didn’t work. It seemed that even Tommy had given up on me when I stopped receiving phone calls from him. I was thankful for the silence but at the same time I felt even lonelier then I had before and so bone crushingly sad that I felt so completely hopeless about everything in my life and just when I thought I couldn’t feel any lower my Brother came back to visit with news from home. 

“So I’m at the grocery store doing some shopping and Mrs. Granger from the church comes up to me and offers her condolences” Daniel explained as we sat around my apartment sharing a drink after I had picked him up from the airport. “I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and then she goes on to explain that it’s always hard to lose a sibling but that we should always remember the good times that we shared. I had already started putting two and two together at that point but I have to say that it was still a shock when she told me that Mom had told her you had passed away here in California” 

“Well I guess it’s better to have a dead son then a gay one” I replied as I attempted to take a drink from the glass I held in my hand but the huge ball of pain in my throat preventing it. 

“I’ve severed ties with them once and for all” He went on, his voice quivering as I looked up and found tears in his eyes. “How can I love and respect my parents when they’d rather have the world think one of their children is dead then be gay. I went over there after I finished talking to Mrs. Granger and confronted them and when they didn’t deny it I told them exactly what I thought of their parenting and that I would never forgive them for what they did” 

“Danny no…they are your parents” I cried out, the glass I had been holding falling to the floor as I jumped up off of the chair. 

“And you are my Brother Kris and as much as it hurt me to do it I can’t condone what they did. I love you Kris…straight or gay I don’t care because you are my Brother and that means everything to me” 

“It means everything to me too” I sobbed, clinging to my Brother as if for dear life when he pushed himself off of the couch and hugged me. 

“So do we want to talk about the subject we’ve been avoiding all night but that is sitting right in front of us like a pink elephant in the room?” He asked several hours later when both of us were pretty much wasted. 

“Nothing to talk about” I supplied, rolling towards the end of the couch where I attempted to get up, giving up when the room around me began to spin. “It’s over and the sooner everyone gets used to it the better” I continued, closing my eyes with the intent of falling asleep. 

“He’s a fall down mess according to Brad” He went on undeterred by my words. “He says all he does is mope and drink. He refuses to go anywhere when he’s not at the theater and when he is at the theater he keeps fucking up so much that Red keeps threatening to fire him” 

“Not my problem” I shrugged, pretending that it didn’t bother me but deep down it was killing me to know that Adam was hurting. 

“How’s the denial working for you?” Danny asked sarcastically. 

“It’s working fucking perfectly” I shouted, finally fed up with the conversation at hand as I forced myself off of the couch. “I’m going to bed” I hollered over my shoulder as I stumbled down the hallway towards my room. 

“I won’t be here when you get up. Brad’s coming to pick me up and then we are going to the gala” I heard him yell back but I ignored him as I entered my room and slammed the door behind me. 

“Shit…” I sighed, wiping angrily at the tears I found falling down my cheeks as I sat down on the bed Adam and I had shared. Picking up what used to be his pillow I brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply, my tears bleeding even harder at the realization that it no longer smelled like him. Tossing the pillow to the side I pulled open the drawer to the bedside table and removed a picture of him that he never even knew I took. It was a picture of him sound asleep on the very bed I was sitting on, fully clothed after coming home from the theatre. He looked so sexy and innocent all rolled into one that I couldn’t help but take the picture with my cell phone. After we had broken up I had uploaded it to my computer and printed out a copy, that copy lying on the pillow next to me as I slept just about every night. “I wish I could stop loving you” I whispered drunkenly at the picture as I laid down on his side of the bed and clutched it to my chest. When I woke up the next morning I found a post it note plastered to my forehead and the picture lying on the bedside table. 

***Deny it all you want but you still love him*** The note read in my Brother’s messy handwriting and as much as I wanted to track him down and beat the shit out of him I knew there was no point because it was true. 

“Kristopher…” I heard Brad’s annoyed voice say to me later that night as I hung out in the corner of the huge ballroom trying like hell to avoid human contact. I wanted to be anyplace but there but I knew it I left there would be hell to pay with my boss and at that point in time my job seemed to be the only steady thing in my life. 

“Brad…” I saluted him with the empty Champaign glass I had in my hand, sending a glare towards my Brother as I grabbed another one off of a tray as a waiter walked by. 

“Are you ready to get over yourself and do something about Adam?” Brad asked sarcastically, taking the glass out of my hand and downing it in two gulps 

“Nope…” I replied as I walked away from the both of them. I went and hid in another corner closer to the stage, totally denying it in my head that it was because Adam was about to come out and sing. My mouth nearly fell open as Adam and his band took the stage, including Tommy. I heard nothing he said, my mind to focused on how amazingly beautiful he looked. He wore what looked like a traditional tuxedo with a white pleated dress shirt and a sparkly bow tie. His dark hair was standing straight up and gelled to perfection, his eyes lined with his always present eye liner and his lips glossy and smiling, that was until he laid eyes on me. The moment he looked at me that smile disappeared and he seemed to lose his composer but it didn’t last long as he took a deep breath, put the smile back on his face and began to sing his heart out. I couldn’t finish watching him because he looked amazing and happy and it broke my heart to know that I wasn’t part of his life anymore. 

“Kris…” I heard someone call out after me but I ignored them as I practically ran for the bathroom, dodging people left and right while ignoring their annoyed stares. I nearly ran an elderly man over as I raced for an empty stall in the bathroom because I knew if I didn’t get there quick everyone there was going to see me break down like a child before them.   
I wasn’t sure how long I was in there but it must have been awhile because when I came out the bathroom was empty except for one lone person sitting on the floor by the sink playing with a cufflink on his shirt. “I didn’t think you were every going to come out of there” I heard Adam say as he pulled himself off of the floor and then began walking my way. 

“Adam…” I choked out, my voice raspy and heavy as he placed his fingers on my chest and then pushed me backwards. I didn’t even try to put up a fight as he cornered me in the stall, pressed me up against the cold wall and then kissed me.

“I’ve missed you so much Kris” He murmured between kisses as he grabbed me by my thighs and hefted me upwards, again I didn’t fight him as I wrapped my legs around his waist and continued to kiss him. I was hard and aching and humping Adam like some dog in heat and yet I didn’t care. I didn’t care until I heard the gleeful voice of my arch enemy and there was no denying who he was speaking too as I heard the annoyed voice of my boss in reply. 

“Right this way sir. I saw him come in here” I heard Frank say, my heart jumping into my throat. I hadn’t even realized Adam had put me back down on the floor until he stepped away from me and I almost landed on it. 

“Mr. Allen are you in here?” My boss questioned as the door we were hiding behind was shoved open by Frank with a shit eating grin upon his face. “Mr. Allen?” He said my name again as he looked between Adam and myself. “Would you care to explain yourself to me?” 

“Isn’t it obvious” Frank said with a sneer and a look of disgust on his face as he nodded towards our twin erections. “Really Kris…you had to partake in your perversions in the men’s bathroom during our gala” 

“I can explain…” I stammered, everyone including Adam looking at me when I went silent because I truly had no idea what to say.

“I was just telling Kris some exciting news and I needed a bit of privacy” Adam spoke up when I just continued to stand there like a deer caught in the headlights. “I was just letting him know that I’ve just signed on with a overseas touring company and I leave for London tomorrow” I lost sight of Frank and my boss as I looked up at Adam and could not only see the familiar look of anger that I’d see many times before but that the words that he had spoken were true. “So Mr. Standish thank you so much for the gig and Kris you take care of yourself” He said first to my boss and then me “Oh and Frank…you can fuck off” Neither one of them said anything as they watched Adam storm out of the stall, their eyes turning back to me once he was gone. 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” I heard my boss ask but I ignored him as I watched Frank practically vibrating with delight. I don’t know what came over me in that instant but before I knew what was happening I was lunging for the smug man, my fist connecting with his face several times before someone ripped me off of him. I kind of lost track after that and when everything started to calm down and the world around me started to come into focus I found myself in a very familiar cell.


	28. Chapter 28

“You get one phone call” I heard one of the police officers say, but I ignored him as I laid down on the only cot in the room, rolled over on my side and closed my eyes. I was too emotionally exhausted to care what happened to me as I refused to think about anything at all especially the fact that I had fucked up with Adam once again and because of it he was moving to another country. 

I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up I found Sutan leaning against the wall as he sat on the end of my cot. “Come on…you’re being released into my custody. I said nothing as we walked out of the cell together; ignoring the dirty looks from the officer who had let me go the last time I had ended up there. The silence remained between us as he drove me home and when I expected him to just drop me off, he instead followed me inside, sitting down on the couch as I removed my jacket and fell into the chair across from him. “Tommy left me” He finally broke the silence, my mouth literally falling open because I had fully expected Sutan to curse me out in Adam’s defense but I had never expected that. “I mean I can’t really blame him since I’ve been flirting with every man I see and flaunting it in his face for far too many years then I want to admit. I knew it was going to make him leave eventually but it was still a shock when he told me he was leaving me and actually did it” 

“I don’t know what to say” I finally found the will to speak. 

“I’ve been pretty awful to you as well and I just want to apologize for that” He went on like I hadn’t even said a word. “I blamed you for everything when you and Adam split but you’ve come so far since I’ve first met you and although you do keep running away from him I know why you did it” Again I was stunned speechless. “I love Adam but even I know how hurtful he can be without even realizing it and as frustrated as he was about the fact that you wouldn’t come out about him to your boss…you really have made such great strives at coming out of the closet” He had tears in his eyes as he looked over at me, causing my heart to break for him because he looked like a completely broken man. “I really am sorry for shutting you out Kris and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want anything to do with me again” He sobbed, biting at his lip at he stared at me.

“Hey hey…none of that” I rushed out as I slid onto the couch next to him and pulled him into my arms. “Adam’s your friend and you were defending him…I get that” I assured as I hugged him even tighter because it was then that I realized just how much I missed not only Adam but the friend who had become my family. 

“I’m just such a fuck up” He wailed. 

“Me too…” I cried out, the two of us sobbing and carrying on like children until we were both to physically exhausted to do anything but lie there and hold each other. “Is he really going to London?” I questioned, closing my eyes and allowing a few more tears to fall when he didn’t say a word but nodded yes in reply. 

“What the fuck Kristopher” We then heard Brad’s voice echoing throughout the foyer as he and my Brother rushed inside. “I mean really what the fuck” He cried out even louder as he stood before Sutan and I with his hands on his hips and a very annoyed look on his face. “Arrested…again” His voice became shriller as he stepped towards us but Danny’s arm around his waist stopping him. “I mean what the hell happened? I saw Adam go into the bathroom after you and then the next thing I know there are cops involved and you’re getting arrested and Adam is moving to England” It looked like the wind finally left his sails as he slumped against my Brother. “It just doesn’t make any sense” Were he last words as he turned around and buried his face in Danny’s neck.

“Mr. Standish confronted me about what Adam and I were doing in the bathroom stall and I panicked. Adam got pissed and told me he was taking a job overseas…Frank got what he wanted and I’m probably out of a job” I explained half of what had happened but I just didn’t have the energy to go into more detail. 

“You two are both so fucked up” Danny said as he sat down in the chair across from us, tugging Brad into his lap. 

“I’ll get it” Sutan said as the phone in the foyer began to ring. “Yes…send them up” I heard him say, watching as he walked back to the couch and sat down. “Matt and Cale are here” I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself because the night was just getting stranger and stranger as I got up and went to the bar. 

“Fucking hell are you ok?” Cale cried out the moment the elevator door opened into the foyer. 

“No…drink?” I replied as I grabbed the most expensive bottle of whiskey I had and several shot glasses. We all sat in silence, all of them watching me as I poured the drinks and handed them out one by one. 

“I’ll get it” Sutan said again when the phone in the foyer rang again. “Um…yes send him up” I heard him say nervously to the person on the other line. “It’s Tommy” He explained as he looked over at me with a look of fear on his face. 

“What the fuck are you doing here and where is my baby?” Tommy yelled at Sutan the moment he laid eyes on him. 

“She’s with Adam’s Mom” Sutan replied, looking on the verge of tears as he stared after Tommy when he waked over towards me and didn’t wait for any other response. 

“What the fuck man?” He cried out once he reached me and for some reason it just caught me as funny and I began to laugh like a loon. “I think he’s finally lost it” He said to the room when I just continued to laugh. 

“Many…many years ago” Matt replied with a laugh, crying out in pain when Cale smacked him on the arm. “What…it is entirely too serious here right now” He defended himself as my laughter stopped and I poured myself another drink. 

“Seriously Kris…what the hell happened. Adam told me he was going to make nice with you and then I find out that you’ve been arrested and he’s no fucking where to be found” 

I just shock my head because I really couldn’t talk about it anymore, downing another shot before falling backwards on the couch because I just felt plain exhausted all of a sudden. “They were making out in the bathroom…Frank brought our boss in and now Adam is moving a million miles away” Brad explained in his own manner as the room once again went silent. 

“Jesus Christ…this shit just never ends” Tommy yelled, falling down on the couch next to me before grabbing the bottle out of my hand and drinking from it. “I don’t know what you’re doing here since you haven’t spoken to Kris since he and Adam broke up” He decided to turn his frustration towards Sutan as he stood silently behind us. 

“Tommy…” I said with a warning to my voice because as ticked off as I had been about the way Sutan had treated me before that night, he looked as if his heart was breaking. 

“Don’t Tommy me” He glared at me, drinking from the bottle once again. 

“Like you have fucking room to talk you hypocrite” Brad piped up. “You haven’t spoken to Adam in weeks either” 

“He was being a douche bag and not seeing things my way” Tommy shrugged in reply, the entire room staring at him. “That he and Kris belong together” He roared in annoyance when we just continued to stare. “He finally got his head out of his ass last night and then I see you getting arrested and he’s gone. What the fuck did you do to get arrested anyway? Am I to assume that you are the reason that your homophobic co-worker was being packed up into an ambulance?” 

“Probably not my co-worker anymore” I replied, taking the bottle out of Tommy’s grip and taking a big swig. “I’m sure that I don’t have a job any longer” 

“Oh yeah that reminds me Standish pulled me aside after they carted Frank off and he expects you in his office tomorrow at nine” Brad said with a look of sadness on his face. “If he fires you I’ll follow you as well” He said with a shrug. “I’ve got a sugar Daddy now so who needs a job” He giggled, causing me to smile and roll my eyes for a moment. 

“You need that job because I don’t have one and unless you want to live on the street then you might want to rethink that idea of yours until I do find one. No offense Kris…you know I got your back” Danny reminded Brad, the room falling into laughter, except for Sutan who was watching Tommy as he continued to try and ignore that he was even in the room. 

“I know Danny” I replied, using all of my energy to finally pull my ass off of the couch. “You and you…follow me” I pointed between Tommy and Sutan. “I said follow me” I screamed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath at the pounding beginning in my head. There was hesitation from both of them but they eventually followed me into the spare bedroom, both of them just standing there once I closed the door. “I’m only going to say this once and then I am going to go because apparently despite my fucked up night I have to be fired in the morning” I said looking between the two of them. Get the fuck over it already” I yelled. “Sutan…I don’t know why you do it but stop flirting with other men and trying to make Tommy jealous because trust me it fucking makes him jealous but you’re hurting him each time as well” Tommy went to say something but I gave him a look that dared him to even consider speaking it. “Tommy…I know that it hurts you when Sutan does things like that but you always play it off as a joke. You need to tell him how much it affects you because I don’t think he realizes just how much you love him. I love you guys very much and you have no idea how privileged I feel to be part of your family and it kills me to know that you two love each other and belong together. Please…just stay here and work things out. Remember you have this amazing life together and the most beautiful little girl that you brought into this world together. Just fix it...please” I begged, my energy depleted as I hugged them both before taking my leave. 

“What about you and Adam?” I heard Tommy ask as I stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe for support. 

“It’s over” I replied, closing my eyes and fighting back the tears. “And I’m asking that you both accept that” I didn’t wait for a reply as I closed the door and shuffled slowly into the living room. They were all silent as I stood there for a moment and made an attempt to compose myself. It was a lost cause as the tears I had been trying to hold back, dripped down my face. “I know you all heard that and I ask the same thing of you that I asked of them. Adam and I are over and it’s time for all of us to accept that. I love you all and you’re more than welcome to stay but I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed” I heard murmurs behind me but I didn’t acknowledge them as I walked towards my own bedroom and the long night I knew was coming. As expected sleep eluded me the rest of the night as I laid in bed wearing one of Adam’s shirts that Tommy had left after packing all of his stuff up. It was one of his favorite band shirts and as I pressed the fabric to my skin it caused me to finally give up the pretense of not being devastated. I didn’t know if anyone was still out there and thankfully if they were they left me alone as my broken hearted wails echoed around the bedroom.


	29. Chapter 29

I wasn’t sure what I was going to find as I exited my room the next morning, but I wasn’t expecting to see my entire group of family and friends sitting around my kitchen table drinking coffee and talking amongst themselves. “Morning Kris…” I heard Brad call out as I entered the kitchen, sitting down in the chair he guided me into as a cup of coffee and a plate of food was placed in front of me. 

“What’s going on?” I questioned as I looked at all of them, noticing for the first time that they all looked like they had showered and changed. 

“Except for Danny and me everyone went home to shower and change so we could be here for you this morning” Brad explained as he plopped down in my Brother’s lap, the two of them sharing a small kiss before they turned their attention back towards me. “I know you are not going to wear that shirt to your meeting this morning” He went on, nodding towards the faded shirt of Adam’s that I was still wearing

“I most certainly am. If they are going to fire me then I plan to be comfortable while they do it” I replied, taking a sip of my coffee as I tried to avoid the sad looks everyone was giving me because they all knew it was Adam’s shirt. 

“Do you really think they are going to fire you?” Matt asked as they all stared at me in wait of my answer. 

“I punched one of his executives at our biggest event of the year and then got arrested for it…there is no doubt in my mind” I replied like it was nothing when deep down I was quietly freaking out. 

Plus you outed yourself to him and his homophobic supporters” Brad reminded me, crying out in pain when my Brother pinched him on the arm and gave him a warning look. “Sorry…but it’s true” He somewhat amended as the tension around us began to thicken. 

“Well I guess I better get this over with and then I can come back home and we can find something to do to keep my mind off of not only losing the love of my life but the job that I loved as well” I tried to joke but it came out sad and pathetic and before I knew what was happening I was wrapped up in a cocoon of friendship and love. 

“Let’s go” Brad hollered once he pulled away and was walking for the door. 

“Where are you going?” I asked him, watching as everyone else headed for the elevator as well. 

“Did you really think that we were going to let you do this alone?” We’re going to work with you and we are going to speak in your defense” Brad said with his hands on his hips as the rest of them turned to face me again. 

“As much as I appreciate that you want to help me out this is something that I need to do alone” I replied as I made my way through my crowd of friends. “Brad…please” I spoke up when he tried to protest. “If there is the slightest chance that I may not lose my job than having you all there may ruin it…not that I don’t appreciate it because it really does mean the world me to that you’d do this for me” I had tears in my eyes as I hugged and kissed them one by one, holding onto Brad the longest because as much as my mouth told them to stay my heart really wanted them next to me as I faced the firing squad. “I love you guys and I’ll see you when I get back” I gave them all a small wave as I stepped into the elevator, never feeling more scared and alone once the door shut. 

“It wasn’t bad enough that you flaunted your gayness last night at the gala but now you have to come in here and disrespect our boss and this company by dressing like you’re going out to a club…a gay one I’m sure” Frank spouted off the moment I entered the lobby to Mr. Standish’s office. 

“Good morning Kris” I heard his personal secretary greet me as I ignored Frank and walked over towards the desk she was sitting behind. “You did an amazing job” She winked at me nodding over in Frank’s direction. “No one deserved it more” She spoke under her breath but I knew Franks had heard it as the scowl on his face. 

“Well don’t you think this is over by any means. I’ve already spoken to my lawyers and there will be action taken” He barked out loudly, causing me to laugh as he turned to face me fully and I saw the full extent of what I had inflicted on him the night before. 

“That’s enough Frank” We all heard my boss speak as the door to his office opened. “I will need you in on this meeting as well Miss Lemon as a witness and for dictation” He said to his secretary with a smile before he turned and walked into his office. Closing my eyes I hung back for a bit as Frank rushed in after him, sending out a silent prayer that this was over quickly. 

“It’s going to be ok Kris” I heard her say as I opened my eyes and found Miss Lemon standing in front of me. “Trust me” I could only nod because as much as I wanted to believe her the truth was there were way to many strikes against me, the biggest one being that my homophobic boss knew that I was gay.

"First off I want to tell you how disappointed I am in you Mr. Allen" Mr. Standish began with a look on his face that I could not quite read. "I don't know what you were doing in there and I don't want to know but the fact that there were two grown men in a rest room stall it just screams inappropriate. I can't explain how bad that looked to me and the guests attending our gala"

"I know and I'm so sorry sir" I replied, my head hung low because I hated that I had disappointed him. The fact of the matter was that despite being a total homophobe I looked up to the man and what he had accomplished. 

"You are such a disgrace” Frank sneered, looking almost gleeful. 

"You are no better Franklin" My boss spoke up, directing his disapproving stare at Frank instead. "If you hadn't acted like a five year old in your efforts to show me what Mr. Allen was up too then this wouldn't have elevated in the way that it did" 

"But Uncle...I was trying to show you the disgusting things that he was up too. I was only thinking about you and this company and how his disgusting actions could affect everything” Frank cried out.

"Uncle..." I said to myself because I had no idea that Frank was related to the boss. 

"I told you to never call me that" Mr. Standish roared. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do about your behavior last night but you are dismissed until I do” I could tell that Frank had more to say but he kept his mouth closed. Instead he glared at me in a way that should have burnt me to ash if he had held super powers and stormed out of the office. I hung my head again once Frank was gone taking a few deep breaths because I was sure my firing was next. "Could you leave us for a moment" He said to Miss Lemon.

"Yes Sir" She replied with a smile in my directions as she walked past me. 

We sat in silence for what felt like forever but in reality it was only a few minutes. "I just want to apologize again for my behavior last night. You were right it was very inappropriate and it shouldn’t have happened” I broke the silence ready for the ax to be dropped so I could leave and try and move forward in my life. "And you're probably going to fire me anyway but as sorry as I am for what happened I won't apologize for being gay” He still said nothing as he reached into the top drawer of his desk and pulled out something. I wasn't sure what it was but he stared at it for a long moment before he slid it across the desk towards me. It turned out to be a black and white picture of two men, a familiar looking man grinning at the camera and the other looking at the grinning man with such love in his eyes. "I don't understand" I said as I look down at the picture once again

"His name was Redmond Jefferson and he was the love of my life” He explained as I looked up at him with wide eyes as he took the photo back from me. "Am I to assume that the man with you were in the bathroom with was your boyfriend?" 

"My ex..." I swallowed hard as I recalled just how much I missed Adam before I forced myself to look him in the eyes. "So you're gay?" I questioned because nothing was making sense to me and yet at the same time it kind of did. 

"All my life" He replied with a hint of sadness to his voice as he continued to look at the picture in his hand. 

"I don't understand” I said at first but then realized that my boss and I were more alike than I ever thought possible. "You know what I take that back because I can totally understand why you would keep that part of yourself private" I said, feeling just as miserable as he looked. “I fell in love with an amazing man and because of my fear of what you…my family and the whole world might think about that love I lost him” 

“Seems we have that in common” He sighed, placing the photo down on the desk as he looked over at me. “When we met I was completely hidden in the closet with no desire to even consider coming out, but from the first moment I laid eyes on him I felt a willingness to at least think about it. He was interested too but he wanted nothing to do with me at first because of my closeted status, but as much as he tried to avoid me he couldn’t stay away” He smiled sadly with a faraway look on his face. “He was patient for a long time and I kept assuring him over and over again that I loved him and that I would always choose him no matter what, yet when my Father found out about us I pushed him away and did the exact opposite. I put myself back in the closet and married the girl my Father chose for me to marry and lived the life that he expected me to live. I tried to stay away from him after I was married but I couldn’t. He was the love of my life and I somehow convinced him to continue to be my little secret. We were secret lovers for two years before my Father found us together one night. He gave me one last ultimatum to either continue down my path of sin with my lover and lose my family and the company I had worked so hard for or to do the right thing and leave Red and my secret life style behind. I didn’t even hesitate to toss the love I felt for him away because I was petrified of losing everything. My Father then had some goons beat the shit out of Red while he held me there and forced me to watch. I never saw him again after that night” I didn’t say anything as he tried to compose himself and although I had no idea why he was confiding in me I was glad that he felt safe enough that he could. “After that I just refused to accept anything associated with being gay. I forced myself to believe that what I felt for Red was just an experiment…a passing fancy and continued to live the lie my life had become and here I am fifty years later” 

I really didn’t know what I was supposed to say to his words but I didn’t get a chance to say anything at the loud commotion going on behind us. I knew who it was before he even made himself present and although I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be fired or not I was pretty sure that with Brad added to the equation it was pretty sure that I would be. “I tried to stop him Sir but he wouldn’t listen” I heard Miss. Lemon’s frantic voice cry out as I turned around in my seat and not only found Brad but everyone gathered in my kitchen earlier that morning standing there.


	30. Chapter 30

“It’s ok Miss Lemon” Mr. Standish said but I noticed that he shoved the picture of him and his former lover back into his desk. “What is the meaning of this Mr. Bell?” He questioned Brad and I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or not. 

“I’m here to make sure that you don’t fire Kris because of the fact that he is gay” Brad burst out, striding into the room as if he owned it. “Sure he was caught doing god knows what with Adam in the bathroom but you wouldn’t have even known about it if that douche bag Frank hadn’t dragged you in there” He continued to rant as I closed my eyes and prayed that the floor would just swallow him and the rest of them up so I could find out my fate in private. “Kris is the most hard working executive that you have and he really cares for the staff and for this company and if you fire him just because he is gay well…well…you’re going to have to fire me too and trust me I won’t go down without a fight” I wanted to hug him and smack Brad all at the same time as I buried my head in my hands and moaned quietly. 

“You’re going to have to fire me too” I heard Matt say next as he stepped forward. 

“And me too” Cale chimed in next, moving next to his lover as he took his hand. 

“You fire my Brother over this and I’m going to make sure to get every equal rights organization involved” My Brother threatened as he walked over to Brad and took his hand. 

“You two have anything you want to add?” My boss asked Tommy and Sutan who stood off of the back of the room looking completely uncomfortable and I had a feeling it wasn’t because of what was going on in that room. 

“Just that if you fire Kris then you will be making one hell of a huge mistake” Tommy replied as he stepped away from Sutan. “I won’t threaten you with anything because if you do fire him this company will suffer for it”

I appreciated Tommy’s words but my eyes were locked on Sutan who looked more broken and hurt then he did the night before. “Did you guys talk last night?” I asked him, not caring in the least that my job was in jeopardy because I hated that two of the people I loved were hurting. “Did you?” I directed the question towards Tommy when Sutan just seemed to sink into himself. 

“Kris…I think that we have more important things to deal with right now than what’s going on between Sutan and I” Tommy grumbled, looking at Sutan briefly before turning his attention towards the floor. 

“Oh my god you’re the one that kissed Frank in the video” We all heard Miss Lemon exclaim as she rushed up to Sutan. “You were so amazing and you couldn’t have done it to a more deserving guy” She went on like a fan meeting their favorite star but her giddiness didn’t last long as Tommy stormed out of the room with a slam of the door. 

“Shit…Brad I’m going to fucking kill you” I growled under my breath at Brad because I knew he was the one who had showed her the video and I was sure the rest of the secretarial pool as well. You and I are going to talk about this later” I warned him as I turned my sights back on Sutan. “You guys didn’t talk at all did you?” 

“Mr. Allen” I heard Mr. Standish say my name as I recalled what I was there for. 

“I’ll go after him” I heard Brad say as he rushed out the door after Tommy. 

“Look…I’m sorry about what happened last night but I meant what I said about not apologizing for who I am. I’ve hidden myself in the closet for far too long and because of it I lost the man that I loved. If you want to fire me then fire me and I won’t fight you on it. I’ve been with the company for several years and I’ve always worked hard for you and if that doesn’t amount to anything then I don’t know what else I can say to change your mind” 

“These are your friends?” He asked looking at the remaining men standing behind me. 

“No…they are my family” I replied with a smile as I turned to look at them before focusing back on the man who was about to decide my fate. 

“You are a very lucky man” He replied with a smile that told me he had forgiven my indiscretion and was willing to give me another chance. “Now go on and take care of your friend. I’d like to meet with you bright and early on Monday morning so we can discuss a few more things” I knew what those few things were and despite the fact that I had no idea why he had decided to confide in me yet again I was more than grateful that he had. 

“Thank you Mr. Standish and yes I’ll see you Monday morning” I rushed out with a smile as I turned from the desk and found myself enveloped into a group hug. “I can’t believe that you didn’t learn anything from Adam and me” I directed my attention towards Sutan as I took his hand and led him out of the room. “Sex solves nothing” I continued to rant as we all squeezed into the elevator. “Now you and Tommy are going to talk and work this shit out if it is the last thing that I do” I vowed as I jerked him through the doors once we hit the ground floor. “Get in” I said to him as I practically shoved him into the back seat of my car. “You…” I hollered over towards Tommy where he and Brad were arguing in the middle of the parking lot. “Get in this car now” I roared, not giving a shit who heard me. “I said now” I yelled again when he just stood there looking at me as if I had lost my mind. 

“You heard the man” Brad cackled as he shoved Tommy towards my car. He didn’t even try to put up a fight as he climbed into the back seat where Sutan was sitting. “Matt and Cale are going to meet us at your place a little later on and Daniel and I are going to stop off and pick up some lunch so we’ll be back in a bit” He winked at me before climbing into the passenger’s seat of what used to be Adam’s car. I closed my eyes and just breathed for a moment as my loneliness for Adam tried to consume me. I refused to allow it to happen as I took one final breath and turned my attention back towards my car. 

“I’m really glad that you didn’t lose your job Kris” I heard Sutan say, breaking the silence that had been surrounding us as I drove out of the parking lot. 

“Are you two fucking insane?” I cried out, ignoring his words as I looked at them through the rear view mirror. “Have neither of you learned that having sex is not the answer when there are issues that need to be dealt with?” I continued on my roll. “I’ve had to listen to the two of you lecture me time and time again when this was happening between Adam and I and then you go and do the same fucking thing” 

“This is completely different from the stupid shit that you and Adam went through” Tommy spoke up in anger. 

“No…it’s just different stupid shit” I countered back because I wasn’t going to just sit back and watch what I felt was the most amazing relationship burn to ashes right in front of my eyes. “You two have like the most amazing and perfect relationship I have ever seen” 

“It’s far from perfect” Tommy shot back, looking as if he were about to burst into tears. My heart broke as I happened a glance at Sutan and found his staring out the window silently weeping. 

“No…you’re right you’ve had some major obstacles that you’ve had to overcome but the point I’m trying to make is that you overcame them. I’ve never told anyone…not even Adam but I was always jealous about your relationship. Yes…you would bicker and fight but you were always able to work through your problems and it always made you seem so much stronger afterwards. You have this amazing home and let’s not forget the beautiful daughter you brought into this world together” Sutan was crying even harder as he leaned his forehead against the glass. “Tommy…please just tell Sutan what you are feeling because I really don’t think he understands how much it affects you” I didn’t think he was going to say anything as he closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead for what felt like forever. 

“It fucking devastates me when you do the shit that you do” He began, his voice low and so full of anger. “Every time that you flirt with another man in front of me it’s like a dagger to my heart because I have no idea why you do it. I love you so much Sutan” He turned to face the man who still had his face hidden in the glass. “I know that we had a rough start and that we’ve been through stuff that should have ended us but we were able to get through it. I used to look at you sometimes and think how the fuck did I get so lucky? How is it that this man is able to look past my bullshit and actually want to be with me and then you would look back at me and I would see how much you truly loved me and then it didn’t matter. All that mattered was doing everything in my power to keep you looking at me like that and it worked for a while and then something changed. I have no idea what it was but then you started flirting with other men and as much as I hated it I ignored it but then you wanted to bring other men back home with us and yes I was kind of into it at the beginning but after a while I didn’t want to do that anymore and then the shit with Bruno hit and you blamed it all on me. I just…I just don’t know what I did to make you not love me as much as you used to” Tommy sobbed as he hid his face in his hands. 

Sutan looked as if he had been run over by a semi-truck as he turned to face Tommy, tears flowing even faster down his cheeks. “I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses and leave me” He spoke softly. “I don’t deserve you…I’ve never disserved you” 

“What?” Tommy questioned as he looked over at his lover. “Why would you even think that? Jesus Sutan…I’ve pretty much been in love with you since that first night we went back to your apartment. I mean…I know I freaked out when I found out you were a man but there was something about you even then that I couldn’t forget. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with you after I got over my own stupidity” 

“I don’t know why” He sobbed as he turned to face the window yet again. 

“I don’t know why either and you know that I’ve never been good with words anyways but I did and I do” He replied as he shifted closer to Sutan and forced him to turn and face him. “Baby…I love you with everything that I am…as cheesy as that sounds” He chuckled with a blush and I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled the car off into a nearby parking lot and continued to watch them through the rearview mirror. “I love you and our life and our baby and I don’t want anything else” He said again as he laid his hand on one side of his face. “No…that’s not true I do want something else” He said as he removed his hands and placed them in his lap. “I want you to stop flirting with other men. If I’m lacking in something then tell me and I will do everything in my power to change it because I want to be your perfect man” 

“You are my perfect man…you always have been” I knew they were on their way to a reconciliation and a happy ending when Tommy grabbed the man that he loved and kissed him breathless. I was so happy that they were able to work things out and yet at the same time my heart broke yet again because Adam and I hadn’t been able to have our happy ending. 

Life after that just sort of droned on for me but for everyone else it seemed to be flourishing. As expected Tommy and Sutan reconciled and despite how happy I was that they were able to work things out I couldn’t help but feel extremely jealous that they could and Adam and I hadn’t been able to. Matt and Cale decided to move in together and were even talking about getting married and again as happy as I was for them I couldn’t help but be envious. Even my Brother’s relationship was blossoming with talk of him moving to California so he could spend more time with Brad. He had asked before he went back home to Arkansas if I would consider allowing him to live with me since it was too soon to be living with Brad and I jumped at the chance. The idea of having Danny so close was the only thing I felt was going to keep me sane. Even my boss’s life took a dramatic turn when I figured out that the man in the picture he had shown me was none other than the owner of the theater that Adam had worked at. It had taken a lot of persuasion on my part to get my boss to even consider meeting up with him while Brad worked on Red for the same reason. I don’t know what I was expecting when we finally convinced them to meet for drinks with Brad and I along to chaperone but it wasn’t the slap Red landed across Mr. Standish’s face before he pulled him into his arms and kissed him in front of everyone. I expected him to freak out, maybe even run out of the restaurant but instead he pulled Red into his arms and declared that he still loved him despite Brad, myself and the rest of the people at the bar watching them. 

“Guess what I got in the mail?” I heard Brad exclaim with a smile nearly four months after Adam had left as he rushed into the restaurant Red, Mr. Standish and myself were having lunch in. It had become a regular thing for us during the work week after that day in his office and it made me feel as if he were now my friend as well as my boss. I felt my heart clench in my throat as he waved a postcard back and forth as he fell into the booth beside me. “Oh shit Kris…I’m sorry” He cried out, slamming the post card face down on the table as he attempted to cover it with his hand. “I didn’t even think about how this would affect you” 

“It’s ok” I lied because I knew for a fact that Adam had also sent post cards as well as emails to Sutan and Tommy and Red prior to that. “What did he have to say?” I forced a smile on my face as I took a drink from my glass, finding interest in the table because I knew none of them believed a word I was saying. “I’m not going to say that it doesn’t hurt a little that everyone has received some sort of correspondence but me but then again why would he keep in contact with the dreaded ex” I tried to laugh it off but it only came off flat and sad sounding. “Seriously…how is he doing?” 

“He says he’s loving touring overseas and that he’s having a blast and making all sorts of new friends” Brad replied cautiously, stilling hiding the picture on the front of the card. “It’s just a picture…it doesn’t mean anything” He rushed out when I tugged the piece of cardboard from under his hand, my heart clenching even more at what I saw there. It was a picture of two hot looking men dressed up in leather as they practically fucked in the middle of a club. I had no doubt in my mind that the new friends he was referring to were more than just friends. “It also said that he’s been doing some session work and that a few producers have talked to him about maybe working on some demo’s with him” 

“He’s a single man so he can do what he wants” I shrugged with tearful smile because I wasn’t anywhere near a good enough actor to even try to pretend that the very idea of him being with another man was nearly killing me. “As long as he’s happy and doing well that is all that matters. I was never sure why he wasn’t picked up by someone in the music industry over here but if this help him advance in his career then all I can do is wish the best for him” 

“You never knew?” Red spoke up, staring at me in a way that reminded me of the way he kept staring at me the first time I had met him. 

“Adam never told him” Brad replied with a look of guilt on his face as I looked between the two of them. 

“Never told me what?” I asked but something told me that I probably didn’t want to know. 

“I thought you were the reason that he turned them down” Red went on not answering my question. “I wanted to take you aside so badly that first day I met you and wring your neck because I thought that you knew and were holding him back because of your relationship” 

“He was offered a record contract” I surmised, tears weighing heavily in my eyes and my throat once again because despite how unpredictable our relationship had been, Adam had given up his chance at being a star because of it. 

“It was only short term deal. They were willing to take a chance on him but not enough to put big money into him until he proved his worth” Red explained. “Kris…I am so sorry” He looked almost on the verge of tears as he reached across the table and took my hand into his. “I just assumed and…” 

“Hey…it’s ok” I cut him off with a smile before he could finish his sentence, giving his hand a quick squeeze before pulling it back towards me. “I had no idea and if I had known I would have been there to support him every step of the way” I felt as if the room was starting to close in on me as I jerked my wallet out of my back pocket, tossed whatever money I had in it on the table before shoving my way out of the booth I had been sitting in. “I’m sorry…I have to go” I forced out, running for the door because I felt as if I were about ready to pass out or have a nervous breakdown. I did my best to avoid Brad and my boss the rest of the day but Red wasn’t as easy as found him leaning against my car at the end of the day.


	31. Chapter 31

“Look I know I am probably the last person that you want to talk to right now but please just hear me out” He said as I approached my car. 

“I’m not angry at you or anything” I replied because I had no idea why he felt I was angry with him when he was only looking out for Adam’s best interest. 

“I know that he keeps telling Brad and all his other friends that he’s having a blast and happy with his new life and he is but he isn’t telling them everything” He went on regardless of what I had just said. “Adam and I are close…we always have been from the first time he came in and auditioned for me. He’s never once lied to me about anything pertaining to his life and although he is enjoying this new stage of his life trust me when I tell you that he is having anything but a blast” 

“What does this have to do with me?” I asked, closing my eyes as I took a breath because I felt ready to break down in front of him at just how hopeful I was that I was the reason he seemed to be somewhat unhappy. 

“I think he fell in love with you the moment he laid eyes on you” He began with a soft smile of his face. “I mean the way that you met was kind of stupid” He laughed, looking at me with fondness. “But he couldn’t stop talking about you. It was Kris this and Kris that and on and on and on. No offense but we were all sick and tired of hearing your name” He laughed again. “You made him so happy and because of that happiness his performances improved and he just kept getting better and better. But shortly thereafter his performances started to slide. He'd get on stage and forget words to the songs he'd been singing for months. I can't even tell you how many times he missed his cues in turn throwing the others actors off theirs as well. I love Adam like my own son but before he left I was ready to fire his ass. I'd asked him over and over again what was going on but he refused to tell me, but I already knew it had something to do with you. I was determined to find out for sure so I got him good and drunk one night and he told me everything. He told me how mean he had been to you each time you got into an argument...how he knew how hard coming out to your friends and family was but that he made it seem like it wasn't enough. He hated the way he kept hurting you but he kept finding himself doing it over and over again despite his efforts to stop it. He told me that he couldn't blame you for storming off that last time that you fought and that he did the right thing by leaving you because you deserved better. He told me that he felt as if you were the love of his life but that he couldn’t keep hurting you the way that he was" 

I felt as if my legs were going to give out on me and Red must have seen it too as he grabbed me and the keys I held in my hand. I didn't put up a fight as he opened the driver’s side door and had me sit down. "I miss him so much” I finally gave in and broke down in front of him. “I was part of that problem as well because I never really tried to talk to him about what was going on in our lives. I don’t know why we had such a hard time talking to each other and there is no doubt in my mind that this could have all been avoiding if we had just tried” 

“Yeah…well the young aren’t too smart sometimes” He replied with a playful grin as he laid his hand on my shoulder as he kneeled in front of him. 

“Stop teasing the boy Red” I heard Mr. Standish’s voice as I looked up and found him standing behind his lover. “I have one question to ask you Mr. Allen” He said as he wrapped his arm around Red’s waist when he went to stand next to him. I was amazed how open his seemed to be as he leaned forward and gave him a simple kiss for anyone who happened to be around to see before he turned his attention back towards me. “Do you still love him?” He asked. 

“I never stopped” I replied, wiping the tears away that were sliding down my face. 

“Then fight for him” He declared. “I’ve loved Red for a long time but because of my fear and stupidity I missed out on fifty years. I feel as if I want to break apart when I think about all the wonderful things we could have shared…the only thing keeping me together is the fact that he was willing to forgive me and allow me back into his life for as long as the good lord keeps us here. You have never struck me as a quitter Kris so fight for him” 

“I don’t know how” I whispered, the very idea of spending the rest of my life away from Adam sending a cold chill throughout my entire body. 

“That’s where I come in” I heard Brad voice next as I looked up and found him standing before me with two suitcases at his feet. 

“I don’t understand” 

“Brad will explain it all on the way to the airport but you have to leave now because it’s scheduled to leave in exactly one hour” My boss said as he reached forward and literally jerked me out of the front seat of my car. “Mr. Mills will drive your car back to your place and take care of anything that may need taking care of in your apartment” He continued to talk as he dragged me towards a town car that I hadn’t even noticed was there, Cale standing beside it grinning like an idiot. “Brad has already informed your group of friends about what is going on so they won’t think you’ve just disappeared” 

“Yeah…Tommy’s pissed that he can’t come so I promised him that we would bring him back a souvenir” Brad giggled as he and Cale placed the two suitcases in the trunk of the car. 

“Keys” Cale said as he held his hand out towards me. “Don’t worry I’ll take care of everything. You can do this” He whispered against my ear as he hugged me. 

“You really need to go Mr. Allen. It may be my private jet but they still have to follow a time schedule” Mr. Standish grumbled as he shoved me towards the driver waiting at the back of the car. 

“Wait…airport…private jet” I rambled because I still had no idea what was going on. 

“Go fight for him” Red beamed as he pulled me into his arms and then kissed my cheek. 

“Don’t waste one more minute away from the man that you love because trust me you will regret it” Mr. Standish spoke next, shocking me as he gave me a quick hug as well before pushing me into the back of the car. 

“We don’t even know where he is” I said to Brad once the car had driven off and I had figured out what was going on. 

“Oh I know where he is and this is going to be fabulous” He squealed as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tightly that it took my breath away. 

“I don’t think that I can do this” I rushed out feeling light headed and unable to breath as Brad and I stood in front of the theater that Adam was performing the next night after arriving in London. 

“You can and you will” Brad replied with a glare as he took my hand and practically jerked me inside the building. The seats we had weren’t the greatest seats but I figured we really didn’t have room to complain since we had purchased them moments before the show was set to start. “He’s going to shit when he sees you” Brad whispered as he looked through the program in his hands. 

“Or run away screaming” I countered, fidgeting in my seat because I couldn’t seem to sit still. 

“I’m not evening listening to you anymore Kristopher” He grumbled, shifting away from me before turning back to face me once again. “That man loves you with every fiber of his being Kris. Anyone who looks at him can see it written so plainly on his face each time he looks at you and I want you to know that I’m a lot jealous of that because he and I were together for a very long time and he never once looked at me that way. Yes…you’re both a couple of morons because neither one of you knows how to talk to the other about your shit but regardless that love is still there” 

“Maybe it’s not enough” I sighed, feeling so exhausted and not just from the twelve hour flight we had taken to get there. 

“Just talk to him” Brad said turning to face the stage when the lights flickered in warning of the start of the show. I cried like a baby through the entire show, Brad holding my hand while the lady sitting next to me took pity on me and handed me a tissue from her purse. As expected Adam was amazing and brilliant on stage and I found myself falling in love with him all over again. I had no idea what I was going to say or do to make him take me back but as I continued to watch him I was determined not to fail. “Do you know what you are going to say to him?” Brad asked after the show as we were standing in the alley behind the theater waiting for Adam to come out. 

“No idea” I replied truthfully, my breath catching in my throat as the man we were waiting for stepped through the door looking so beautiful. We watched as he talked to a few people, signing a few autographs for a few of the audience members hanging around. “He looks amazing” I whispered to Brad, my nerve and my courage raging through me as I prepared to make myself known. “Wish me luck” I said as I took a step forward, freezing in my tracks as another of his fellow actors stepped outside the door pulled him into his arms and kissed him right there is front of everyone. 

“What the fuck” I heard Brad say behind me but I couldn’t respond as I watched Adam hug him back once the kiss was broken. “What the fuck Lambert” Brad screamed out behind me before storming over towards the two of them. 

“Brad…” I heard Adam cry out as he stepped away from the man who had kissed him. “Kris…” He said my name next, the look of shock and then what appeared to be guilt too much for me to take as I turned heel and ran as fast as I could. I could hear him and Brad calling out for me as I ran but it didn’t stop me because I had nothing else on my mind but getting as far away from there as possible. I had no idea where I was when the pain in my side from running so hard and so fast finally forced me to stop. I was a watery mess as I fell onto a nearby park bench and cried over my failure and loss of Adam yet again. I don’t know how long I sat there but it was long enough that my ass was growing numb and I found myself shivering from the coldness of the morning. I still had no idea where I was as I forced myself off of the bench and went in search of a cab. I really didn’t want to go back to hotel room because the idea of facing Brad actually frightened me a little bit. Instead, I cleaned myself up in the lobby restroom and then sat in the far corner of the lobby and pretended to find interest in the local newspaper I’d found on a nearby coffee table. I had actually started to doze off when I heard a familiar voice say my name, the paper I had been hiding behind taken from my hands.


	32. Chapter 32

“Boy some things never change do they?” I heard Adam say as I looked up and found him standing in front of me. I found fascinating with the floor because I couldn’t decipher the look on his face and I was so ashamed and embarrassed over my earlier actions. “What are you doing here?” He asked as he sat down on the coffee table in front of the chair I was sitting on. 

“I shouldn’t have come…I’m sorry” I rushed out, my face flaming red as I continued to stare at the floor. 

“Are you really sorry?” He asked, his voice sounding so sad as I finally forced myself to look at him. 

“I’m not sorry for coming after you but I am sorry for disturbing you and your new lover” I whispered, fighting a losing battle with my tears yet again. 

“Fredrick is not my new lover” Was his response as he reached forward and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I haven’t been with anyone since you baby” 

“But he kissed you” I blurted out completely missing the part where Adam called me baby. 

“Yes and I’m sure his lover the producer is ripping him a new one about now…or fucking him through the mattress” Adam laugh as he wiped the other side of my face with the tips of his finger before moving away from me. “We’ve developed sort of a fan base since I’ve joined their theater group and he only did it to get the fans outside excited” Adam explain and although I was relieved that he and the man weren’t lovers I still had no idea what the hell to think about Adam being there at all. “Brad told me everything” He said next as he reached forward and took my hands into his own. 

“Everything?” I questioned my breathing erratic as he continued to hold them. 

“About what Danny tried to do to you and about how your boss came out to you when it didn’t work. He also told me about your boss and Red…now who the hell saw that one coming” He laughed, but then he turned serious as he tugged me forward, clutching my hands to his chest. “He also told me about how sending postcards and emails to everyone but you hurt you and as angry as I was for the way things ended you have to believe me that I’ve never wanted to hurt you anymore then I already had” He had tears in his own eyes as he stared deeply into my eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything Kitty” 

I was out of my chair in a flash as I plastered myself against his body. “Please say it again” I begged, holding onto him for dear life. 

“I’m sorry” He repeated holding me just as tightly. 

“No…not that” I giggled. “Kitty…call me Kitty” I begged because as much as it had annoyed me at the beginning of our relationship I had grown to miss it when he stopped using it towards the end of it. 

“Kitty…Kitty…my beautiful Kitty” He chanted between the kisses I plastered all over his face before he took control and consumed my lips. The kiss was heated and messy and completely overwhelming but I didn’t care as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hung on for the ride. 

“Pardon me Sir’s” I heard someone say behind us, but I ignored him as continued to kiss the man I was reacquainting myself with. “Sir’s please…” I heard the voice again with an insistent tapping on my shoulder as well. “Mr. Allen…this is not the proper place for such activities” He went on once we forced ourselves apart.

“My room?” I questioned Adam, not giving him a chance to reply as I took his hand and led him towards the elevators. We made out like horny teenagers the entire ride up to my floor, not even caring in the least that we had company most of the way. I hadn’t even realized we’d reached the floor my room was on until a man standing behind us practically pushed us out in to the hallway. “Sorry” I giggled towards him as Adam and I stumbled to keep upright but I really wasn’t sorry in the least. “Come on” I said to Adam as I once again took his hand and led him towards my room. 

“We need to talk Kris” I heard him mumbled against my lips as he pressed me against the door of my room but I ignored him as I wound my fingers through his hair and kissed him even harder. “Seriously…we need to talk” He said again, jerking himself away from me. 

“I don’t want to talk” I whispered, feeling as if cold water had been thrown on me because I didn’t want to face what had become our reality. “I’ve missed you so much Adam” The tears were back yet again because as much as I knew he was right I was petrified that if we brought up the past again that he may come to his senses and bolt out of my life yet again. 

“I’ve missed you too Kitty” He purred against my ear as he pulled me into his arms. “But we have to do this before we can move on. You can’t tell me that there isn’t still a lot of hurt in you over that I’ve done” 

“I hurt you too” I replied, leaning my head against his chest for a moment before I pulled away. No words were spoken as I fished the key card out of my wallet and opened the door to my room. “Would you like a drink?” I asked as I headed over towards the bar because I knew I needed some liquid courage if we were going to rehash all the pain from our past. 

“Make it a double” He said as he walked into the living area and sat down on one of the couches. We sat in silence for a long time after I handed him his drink, my heart racing so fast that I knew he had to hear it from where I stood across the room. “Kris…come here please” He finally broke the silence as he held out his hand towards me. I didn’t hesitate to do his bidding as I sat down beside him, cradling that hand in my lap. “First I want to say that I’m so sorry for all of the hurtful things I’ve said to you in the past. It’s not really an excuse but sometimes I don’t know how to handle things and I just blurt stuff out without even realizing what I was saying and other times I just found myself so frustrated over things that I’d say anything just to hurt you” 

“You had every reason to be frustrated because as many times as I promised you that I was going to come out…the fact of that matter was that I wasn’t even sure myself if that was ever going to happen” I decided to come clean as well because I knew it all needed to be laid out before we could truly move further. The rest of the night was spent actually talking through our issues instead of avoiding them like we usually did. There was yelling and crying and several times during our talk I contemplated walking out but I held strong because I loved Adam and I really wanted to make things work. Afterwards when neither of us had anything further to say we found ourselves too exhausted to do much else besides curl up together on the bed and fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

“So you didn’t have sex with him last night?” Brad questioned the next morning after I had kissed Adam goodbye because he had to get back to the theater. 

“No…” I replied, sipping my coffee as we sat on the balcony. 

“Are you back together again?” He continued to question me. 

“I guess. I’m not really sure” I shrugged because after all the talking we had done we really hadn’t made anything official about the two of us getting back together again. 

“You didn’t have sex and you’re not sure if you’re back together or not” He repeated, looking completely perplexed that I couldn’t help but laugh softly. “Then what the fuck did you do all night?” 

“We talked” I replied, refilling my cup. 

“You talked” He repeated again and again I couldn’t help but chuckled behind my cup because despite the fact that we hadn’t made anything official I was completely confidant that it was going to happen. 

“Yes Brad…we talked” I said as I placed my coffee cup down on the table. “We talked about everything bad that has happened between us and why he gave up his chance at a record contract. We got everything out in the open so when we do decide to get back together that none of that shit is hanging in the air between us” 

“You two are idiots” He shot over his shoulder as he got up from the table. “You do realize that we have to go back home in two days right and that Adam is committed to this tour for the next six months. You two better figure your shit out is all I have to say” He pointed out bluntly as he headed inside. “Now get your ass in gear Allen because I only have one day to explore jolly ole’ England and you are coming with me” I didn’t even try to fight him as I got up and did as he said. The fact was that I had the whole day and part of the evening to myself since Adam was at the theater and I knew the time would go by faster if I was actually doing something. 

“I’m done. I can’t walk anymore” I panted after Brad several hours later after walking for what felt like a million miles. 

“Wimp” Brad teased as he took my hand and led me towards a nearby café. “Have a seat and I’ll get us something to eat because trust me Kristopher there is plenty more shopping to do before lover boy comes for you tonight” He didn’t give me a chance to reply as he walked into the building leaving me alone with my aching feet. “Here this should make you feel better” I heard him say once he returned, handing me the largest glass of beer I had ever seen before placing a crumpled up newspaper in the middle of the table. “Fish and chips” He nodded towards the paper as he opened it the amazing smell causing my stomach to growl loudly. “Eat up baby because we are leaving in thirty minutes” He grinned at me before disappearing into the building once again coming out a moment later with his own food and drink. 

“I don’t understand why you’re not exhausted?” I whined thirty minutes later as I trudged behind him once again. 

“Please…this is nothing. If shopping was a sport I’d be a gold medal Olympian” He giggled as he grabbed on to my hand and literally dragged me into another shop. 

“Well I was planning to take you out for a night on the town but you look exhausted” Adam said to me later that night as I sat on the couch trying to keep myself awake but finding it almost impossible. 

“I’m fine” I lied as I sat up, groaning in pain when I placed my aching feet on the floor. 

“Room service and a massage it is then” He laughed as he leaned down and kissed me quickly. “Anything in particular you want?” He asked, but I didn’t even have the energy to answer him as I gave him a partial nod with my head. “My poor baby” He cooed, pulling me into his arms after ordering our dinner. “What made you decide to go shopping with Brad all day? Even I can’t keep up with that man when he’s in full shopping mode” He teased, kissing me on the nose. 

“I figured it would make the time go by quicker until I would see you again” I answered, sighing contently as I snuggled against him. 

“I couldn’t wait to see you either” He whispered across the top of my head. 

“Adam…” I broke the comfortably silence that had surrounded us.

“Yes baby” 

“Are we back together again?” I asked the question I’d been dying to ask since he had arrived at my room. I felt him swallow nervously and it caused me to close my eyes for a moment because something told me that Adam wasn’t ready to take that step with me again. “Never mind it’s too soon and you’ve got your career to think about” I said as I pulled myself away from him. “I shouldn’t have brought it up” I shrugged as I limped across the room and fell into one of the chairs there. 

“I thought we were already back together” I heard him say softly as I looked across the room at him with wide eyes. 

“What?” 

“I just assumed that we were back together after we talked” He shrugged that time, looking sad and confused. 

“I didn’t want to assume” I replied, getting up off of the chair despite the fact that my feet were screaming in protest. 

“So let’s just make it clear then” He said as he and I met in the middle of the room. “You and I are very much back together. I love you and now that we’ve talked everything out and know what the other expects I want to spend the rest of my life with you” I couldn’t say anything as I stood there in front of him trying like hell to figure out what that meant. “And just so we are clear on this as well that was me hinting at the fact that I will be proposing to you one day soon my beautiful little Kitty. I love you” 

“I love you too…so much” I rushed out rushing into his open arms. “So so so fucking much” Begrudgingly I had to leave his side for a few moments once our dinner had arrived, but I was right back there the moment the door was closed. After our food had been consumed Adam had me laid out on the bed where he proceeded to give me the most amazing full body massage and I despite my best efforts I fell asleep before it could turn into anything sexual. However, the next morning Adam woke me up with an explosive blow job that had me crying out enough to wake the dead or the neighbors in the surrounding area. I didn’t hesitate to return the favor, saving the feel of him in my mouth and the taste of him on my tongue once I made him come. “I missed this” I said as I kissed his penis one last time before sliding up the bed beside him. 

“It missed you too” He teased as he leaned forward and stole a kiss. “I’ve missed you too” My eyes closed instinctively as he reached forward and traced my cheek with the tips of his fingertips. “You have no idea how hard it’s been for me. When I first got the call from the overseas producer about joining his tour my first instinct was to say no because just the idea of leaving you despite the fact that we weren’t together anymore felt like dying. I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone else before and I guess that a part of me always knew that we were going to get back together but I knew we couldn’t do that if I was out of the country. That night in the bathroom I was so ready to tell you everything and beg you to take me back but then…” 

“But then I refused to come out to my boss and you got upset with me” I finished for him because I knew that had been exactly what had happened. 

“I figured that you weren’t ever going to change when it came to your boss and your job so what was the point in staying. I called the producer from the car as I was driving home and was on a plane the next day. I cried like a baby the entire flight over. The passengers next to me kept looking at me like I had lost my mind but I didn’t care because I had lost my heart and I felt as if I was dying because of it” 

“I’m sorry Adam…for everything” I sniffled, leaning into his touch as he continued to touch my face. “I’m out now and I won’t ever hide how much I love you every again” 

“What have you done to me Kitty?” He asked with a smile on his face as he cupped the side of my face before he leaned in and kissed me sweetly. “You’ve turned me into such an old sap that I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am because of it” I couldn’t help but return that smile because I felt exactly the same way that he did. 

“Where are you going?” I whined when he pulled away and attempted to get off of the bed. 

“I have to go to work” He replied but I didn’t give him a chance to say or do anything else as I jerked him back beside me, plastering my naked body on top of his. “You’re not being fair” He cried out but I noticed he wasn’t putting up any sort of a fight as his hands began to roam across my backside. “Fuck I missed you” 

“I need you baby” I whispered against his ear remembering how turned on he got each time I called him that in the past. “I need you so much my beautiful and sexy baby” I knew I was laying in on a bit think but I didn’t care because all I could think about was making love with him. 

“Fuck…I love it when you call me baby” He groaned, arching up into me as I reached between our bodies and began to rub his erection. 

“I love you baby” I teased some more as I gave his dick a hard squeeze. I didn’t have a chance to say anything else as he flipped me onto my back as he rutted against me. “Now Adam…please” I cried out, jerking his shirt over his head before struggling to work on the zipper of his jeans. He didn’t put up any resistance once I finally lowered the metal grips, my hands working the tight denim down his hips. 

“I wanted this to be more romantic but it’s going to have to be hard and fast Kitty” He growled loudly as he reached down and finished removing his pants. “I haven’t been with anyone but you Kris…can I…” He didn’t finish his sentence but I already knew what it was he was asking as I leaned up and kissed him hungrily as my free hand went in search of the lotion I knew was hidden in the drawer. 

“I love you” I roared loudly as I squirted a generous amount into my hand, coating his condomless dick quickly. “I just love you so much” I had tears in my ears but they were happy tears as I guided him towards my entrance not caring in the least that I hadn’t been prepared because all that mattered was feeling him hard and raw. 

“I love you too” He panted against my lips as he placed his hand atop mine and began to guide himself forward. My breath came out in a heated rush as the pain of not being prepared hit me, but I didn’t allow him to stop as I wrapped my arms the best I could in my position around his waist and pushed him forward. 

“Don’t stop” I begged, breathing a little heavier from the friction and the pain before crying out in pleasure when he shoved forward and hit my prostate. Our love making was quick and fast but it didn’t matter to either of us because we knew that there was going to be time for slow and loving in our future. I held onto him and cried my heart out afterwards unable to talk and explain my tears for the longest time and yet I could tell that he understood as he held me gently and kisses away each tear. The tears weren’t tears of joy but tears of utter happiness because the man that I loved and would always love was back in my life. Our relationship had been a constant struggle up until that trip to England but I couldn’t help but look almost fondly upon it because it was a journey that I knew I had to take in order to be the man I needed to be for myself and for Adam. Sure I had lost the love of my Parents along the way but despite that I had gained the love of a man who I knew was bound for amazing things in his lifetime and that despite the loss of some of my family I had a new family. Adam had introduced me into his little family of misfits and it was there that I found what true love of family was and with the love of my brother Daniel I hardly felt the loss anymore. It also seemed that our little family was growing too as Cale and Matt thankfully forgave me for pushing them away and thought I was worth a second change. Even Red and Mr. Standish in a small way were part of that family and I was grateful for that as well. I had no idea what was in store for Adam, I and our family but I knew it was going to a long and interesting journey and in truth I couldn’t wait for it to begin. 

The end…

It’s hard to believe that this story has come to an end already but I’ve already outlined the sequel and hope to get to writing it soon. I want to thank each and every one of you who have stuck with me and the torture I inflicted on our boys. Hugs to you all.


End file.
